I want to run away and not live in reality anymore 
don’t want to face each day without you my darling husband 
keep running with my thoughts of Christmas and how boxing day was family day in our house and how Christmas was my favourite and now i couldn’t think of anything worse and not knowing what to do anymore.
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Hi Judy.
I can hear your pain and I often feel the same - just wanting to go away and be on my own. Sadly I don’t have anything I can offer to make it easier.
Try not to think of Xmas yet. It was always our favourite time of year along with Hogmanay, and I also am dreading it, but have asked my kids what they want to do as we will need a plan I feel. With lots of options and get out clauses.
But I’ll deal with that another day.
Just one day at a time at the moment. It’s ok and rubbish to feel so awful - but so so hard to endure.
It will get easier given time and patience. Or so I try to believe and hold on to.
Sending some love and a bug hug xxx
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I am still just doing the one day at a time thing. It’s all I can cope with right now. I had to get some stuff out of the loft, spotted the dreaded C-word decorations and threw a sheet over them.
Told myself that 25th December is just another day to get through.
Xx
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I keep on doing things I’ve always done, stuff that he would not have done with me or got involved in. Like gardening, digging over my new allotment, visiting a farmers market. But before, I knew that he was here, waiting for me to do my things while he was getting on with his. Now I’m totally alone when I get back and I wonder what’s the point of it all any more. The light has gone out of my life. My dog will be 15 in a couple of weeks and she probably won’t see the Winter out.
Then I will run away.
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Can I run away with you?
I suspect we would take our baggage with us though and it’s hard to run with so much to carry.
And who would look after the allotment?
Xx
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We can only take a rucksack, passport and money. The allotment can go to someone who will be lucky to have it after all my hard work!
Ok, count me in. It will have to be a large rucksack, because I will need chocolate.
And please don’t mention passports!
Xx
I missed the passports hoohaa. It was removed before i read it!
Roni52 i was having a positive a couple of days ago and went to my daughter shop and Christmas stuff 
and Christmas was my favourite and my son and now i can feel it creeping up on me and i feel all panicky about it and i know we are all struggling and all wanting to run away and I know we can’t. But waking up everyday without our loved ones 
sometimes i feel I’m doing better then back down that hill again 
love and hugs to you all xx
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It really is so up and down isn’t it.
And you can never predict when that wave comes to knock you down.
Try keep Xmas out your mind for now. You might feel slightly different in 3 months time.
Hope your day is as good as can be
Sending love and hugs xxx
Can we go to Widoworld from a few months ago ??
Could do with a break 
Roni52 been keeping busy and putting my sons room back together after painting it and new carpet. Got to keep busy before I go crazy and hope your day is OK as can be. Sending hugs 
to you all
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In Widoworld, there is no Chr*****s Day. I refuse to use the c word until December, you just spray the coconuts on the palm trees with a bit of glitter, instead of getting the baubles box out. Eat chocolate for dinner, no mince pies in sight.
You can go in the sea instead of watching Harry bloody Potter for the hundredth time. No turkey that you have to do something creative with.
Xx
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Count me in too. I feel the same, doing a couple of things independently was nice… when I knew I would be returning home to my special man.
It all sounds like a new tv series, instead of celebs it could be widows and widowers on the run across the world 
That’d take my mind off, I don’t run anywhere!
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Willow 112 that made me smile 
i don’t like turkey or Harry Potter or mince pies lol but i do like chocolate and coconut 
and i love the seaside but cold in December lol xx
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Widoworld is on a tropical island. The sea will be like getting in a bath.
Race Across The Widoworld, could be Plod Across The World, Baby Steps.
If only.
Xx
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I’m smiling x
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Think i would come with you,the loneliness,the hurt is unbelievable,if i’m out the house i’m ok,but as soon as i’m back indoors everything comes flooding back and sets me off.
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Stumpy1, it’s awful, I get it.
5 months down the road for me and my observation is that it doesn’t get better, it changes.
I have persevered with making a next day plan (can be anything from making myself breakfast to some diy or going to a cafe), but getting up every morning.
I was advised early on to talk to my loved one as I would normally, asking their opinion on things, to write down or record on my phone any horrible flashbacks, to get up and do that even in the middle of the night ‘get it out of your head’ and to accept offers of help. Everyone understands on here.