Feeling extra low & sad today. How’s everyone else’s day going?
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My day started off not too bad, probably because it was sunny. I managed to put some washing out and do some gardening, needed to plants bulbs. I also had a long telephone appointment with my new GP and she seemed really nice, not condescending! But now the light has gone I’m back to feeling lost and alone. I try and leave the curtains open for a bit so I can still see the outside world but I know I need to close them soon. Again, another day when people seemed to have abandoned me, think I might give up on friends! I know it’s been nearly 9 months since I lost my husband but it doesn’t mean the pain gets any easier, in fact it seems a lot worse at times now. Hope you start to feel a bit better tomorrow, it’s so hard and it’s only people on here who can really understand what we are going through. Scream if you must, I do a lot. Take care Gail xx
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@Guineapig65 thanks for sharing your day, Gail. I know what you mean when people seem to disappear around you. Those of us who understand, knows that the pain of losing someone doesn’t magically go away after a certain period of time that society’s imposes on us. I’m so sorry for your loss. Please keep sharing your days. We can provide support for each other here.
I lost my mum at the end of April and then 3 weeks later, I lost my dad. Losing them so close together and having to plan one funeral after another really took it out of me. It has changed me forever. My world is a lot dimmer now.
Sending you big hugs Gail and hope you have a better tomorrow xx
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These last few weeks seems to be difficult again, I have accepted her death, but I am also in denial, I know that’s a contradiction, but I can’t believe it, the death of someone with such a zest for life. I tell myself not to ask why? As I will never know, so why torment myself with a question I will never have answered for me. Then I feel tormented and don’t want to accept this awful situation, and I too want to scream and shout and throw things at walls. The bloody injustice of it all torments me.
Then I self regulate, calm myself down and try to act properly, until the next time I want to scream in despair at how did this happen.
I must regulate my feelings I know, and I don’t throw things, and try to keep it together when anyone is around.
But arrrrghhhh!
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@Ang2 pretty much feeling the same as you are. The nausea I had in the early days has returned with a vengeance bringing with it anxiety. It’s the lead up to Christmas which Dad really loved so not sure if it’s that. My sleep is erratic too which doesn’t help. I hope for a better tomorrow for all of us. X
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@Cee yes, I think the lead up to Christmas brings anxiety to most of us on this site. I’m feeling rather restless as I need to go and order my parents headstones in a couple of weeks time (they passed within 3 weeks of each other) …I need to go back to the same funeral home …going to have to re-live it all again.
I hope you have a better Weds xx
@Ang2 Thx, it’s 8 months today that Dad died but I’m ok & strangely a bit better than yesterday, maybe it was the anticipation of this new milestone…I see you’ve got some challenges of your own ahead. Do you have family or friends to accompany you or is it something you’d prefer to do by yourself due to its personal nature? Xx
Hi Ang, that sounds so awful losing both your parents so close together. I lost my mum just over 2 months ago, and she was both mum and dad to me as she raised me alone, she was my whole family and support so I feel so alone without her. Completely get what you mean about life being dimmer now. My mum brought so much joy into my life, she was like sunshine, always smiling and optimistic and kind to everyone. I’ve had a hard time lately as she gave me her car, but I’ve had to sell it because I can’t afford to keep it and look after 2 cars, but I feel guilty as it was hers 
I know if she was here she wouldn’t want me to struggle financially and would understand, and want me to have the money instead, but she’s not here to tell me this. So I feel sad and low. I wish I could speak to her. There’s so much I want to say. Hope your week is going better and you’re not feeling as low? x
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@Woo4 I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s the constant reminders or those ‘all of a sudden’ realisations that they’re really gone that cuts deep deep deep. Sending you the biggest hug xx
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