I watched someone die

My friends dad was fairly ill and was in hospital for a while, we knew that he wouldn’t make it as he became worse and worse over time with multiple things wrong with him. The last 48 hours of his life we spent with him, he passed away in front of us. since this I’ve felt nothing but anger and upset. I’m struggling, really struggling.

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hi sorry for your loss you come to the right place .If you have family lean on them take each day 1 day at a time .I was there when my wife died in March .I see it this way shes out of pain hope that helped i like others are here if you want to chat Massive friend hug Colin

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My mom doesn’t really get it as hard as that sounds, when my dad died it was so different this is consuming me. I know that he’s not in pain anymore but I can’t get past what I saw. Thank you Colin, I’m sorry for your loss

Hi Sammii

Sorry to read your message. I was with both my parents at the end of their time. My Dad many years ago and my Mum much more recently. I am so glad in both cases as frightening as it might have be I hope they knew I was there. I still feel so much upset about my Mum peaceful as it was for her as it is only three months and like you 48 hours watcing it happen but have only vague memories of with my Dad. His was sudden and very scary, I thought I would never get over it but the memories have dimmed.

I hope for both of us things get better and just know I am thinking of you.

Mel
Xx

Thank you so much for your kind words Mel, it means a lot.
I just feel so lost. :frowning:

Sammii

Sorry for your friends loss and I deeply feel for you, nothing can prepare you for seeing someone pass away in your presence. I was with my wife when she passed away 9 weeks ago along with my two son in laws, I certainly know how you feel as I know how they have struggled along with myself.
This site with so many lovely people who know what you are going through and can relate to that as others can’t.
Your family will be your rock for you as mine are protecting their Dad.
I must admit I’ve been struggling these last few weeks but I’ll get there somehow.
Try and keep strong and always here for a chat.
Dave

It still doesn’t seem real and I don’t think I’m prepared for when it becomes that way. It’s fairly difficult to get my around and it’s a month tomorrow since he passed.

My beautiful Daughter passed away three years ago after a terrible seven year battle with Leukaemia. She died at home in my arms, the morphin did not help. I can’t tell you what I saw but we had no medical staff or support, my other Daughter and I were awake for three nights by her side. It was horrific, I am destroyed, I cry every day still and have such terrible nightmares, but my beautiful younger Daughter has to continue her life with these same visions, and I feel so guilty I could not save them

Sandy

I’m so so sorry for your loss of your daughter three years ago. I honestly can’t imagine how this effected you, I do know the pain of losing your wife as I did 9 weeks ago after 33 years of marriage but to lose a sibling.
My wife June had a 11 month battle with cancer and she passed away in my arms albeit in a hospice. No one but no one can prepare you for that and you know this only to well, enough said.
Guilt is obviously one of the stages in bereavement and I only too well know this but please try and be strong for each other your daughter will need you and you will need her.
I’m here always for a chat if you wish as other lovely people on this site are who are so understanding and can relate to our circumstances.
Take care
Dave

Hi Sandy,

I am so sorry for your loss - how terrible to lose a child. It sounds as though you and your other daughter have a lot of traumatic memories of her death.

I just wanted to let you know that we have had some other users on the site recently who you may wish to talk to - Joes mum and Janine77 have both lost a son. You can read and reply to their posts here: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/my-son-aged-26-died-150916-i-cant-cope

I can also suggest these two organisations that offer support to people who have lost a child of any age, including helplines and support groups:

Child Bereavement UK (0800 02 888 40)
The Compassionate Friends

Hi,
I am so very sorry to learn of all your losses and I can feel your grief and pain. I lost my lovely, full of fun and quirky only son David. I watched him die in August this year and it broke my heart and I felt helpless. I feel as though I was in denial and in shock as I thought he was getting better but he was transferred to the hospice the day before he passed away. The doctor who visited him at home three days before said he wasn’t ill enough to go into hospital. I am desperately trying to see, as others have said, he was so very ill and wouldn’t want that for his future. He loved his job as a joiner/carpenter and nothing phased him. I am having counselling but wish I could stop waking up and going over everything and getting angry.
Good luck everyone and best wishes to all, as all I can do is take one day at a time.
Janine77

Oh Janine xxxx
I dithered as to whether or not I should reply to your email, but I thought long and hard about it and decided to x mainly because nobody ever advised me or even gave a hint of the living nightmare that could be.
Firstly I am truly sorry for your loss and I truly understand your feelings, I really do xxx
While my Daughter was battling Cancer I also lost my beloved Dad and a very close friend, I loved my Dad he was my hero, but somehow I coped I think it’s because it’s the so called nature of life that your parents go before you. But to lose your child is an agony that cannot be understood, cannot be explained and never, never accepted. Losing a child is the loss of hope, it’s the loss of all the possibilities that could have been its all the futures, the weddings the grandchildren ect. When I try to explain how I feel inside the closest I can get is the scenario when you take your children out to say a beach, and one wonders off, and then you realize with the most excruciating panic that they are gone, for us who have lost our children, we feel that pain every day, every minute, every second. They are in our minds when we try to sleep at night and they are the first thing on our minds in the morning x I would love to tell you that time heals I can’t, I’m so sorry but I can’t. Time just ticks on for everyone else but us, we are stuck in that perpetual moment of agony. We cry and scream inside when we go out shopping, we look at their friends continuing life, getting married having families and we hurt again and again and again. We want the world to stop and acknowledge our loss, but it just goes on as normal, and then after a year people think you should be going on as normal. I went to my Doctors six months after my beautiful Daughter passed as I thought I can’t live with this pain any more, he asked me what was wrong I just wanted to punch his face after all he came and administered her morphine in her last hours, then he says to me your always sad !!!
Dear Janine, they do say grief is different for everybody, and I pray it is. All I know is that I re live her last month’s again and again, always the questions what if the doctors would have done this or that, the anger I feel is like nothing I have ever experienced, but I guess the worst feeling is the guilt that I could not save her, that I could not help her that I could not ease her suffering. That is the worst I blame myself for her suffering, after all I am Mum and Mum always makes things better. I also now have to watch my other beautiful Daughter disintegrate in front of my very eyes, you see she was only 21 when her sister died and they were more than siblings they were best friends. And there was only the two of us to nurse and bath my Daughter at the end, only the two of us to be there for her at her passing. The guilt is so unbearable as I said I couldn’t save my Daughter and I cannot save my surviving Daughter from her loss and unimaginable suffering.

The one piece of advice I can give you is ALLOW , allow yourself to cry, to ask all the questions even if you know they will never be answered, to shut away, to scream, to look at the Tv world and the world around you and feel you don’t belong any more. I could go on and on and I know you know what I am talking about x
Then to know that you will get through some weeks without crying, and not to fear when you wake up and feel so desperate like it just happened, don’t fear those days, as they will walk by your side till the end.

You see to simply put it Janine our Love for our children will never die, so our grief for our children will never go.

Please email me any time and take care xxxxx I know how you feel
Sandy xxx

Good morning Sandy
Thank you for your kind words I really do appreciate the time you have taken to reply to my message. The way you put into words of losing a child is not the way it should be. I know ypu understand how I am feeling and miss David so very much and know I will not get over it. I accepted he couldn’t see me as often as I would like as he worked and lived away from me but the contact by phone and text always made me feel he was ok.
I hate the fact is that I try to be normal but inside hurts so very much. I have counselling, sometimes I feel it is doing me good but I know it won’t last and often it makes me feel worse.
I was so very sorry to learn of your beautiful daughter’s passing and your Dad, its like your heart has broken in two. God bless you Sandy.
I believe we have to pass through this heartbreak but not tonforget. I feel, like you, could have done more for David, not believing, then anger at the doctors. Now I am trying hard to realise that he couldn’t do his beloved work in the future as a joiner/carpenter and the pain of knowing.
Take care dear Sandy and thank you for giving me insight of your bereavements.
Janine

Hi all reading some of your stories have really put things into perspective for me, my fiancé sarah, passed away whilst on holiday and in front of me, she suffered a brain hermorragh, albeit I didn’t know it at the time, it’s been nearly 3 months since her passing, I’m real lost without sarah I loved her so much she was my soulmate and my world, I do have what I call " meltdown" days where I feel totally lost and cry an awful lot, but now I’m beginning to have more good days, the memories of Sarah don’t fade, I remember like it was yesterday, I know our love and effection between us was very real, I take some comfort that sarahs passing was quick and painless, she died instantly, I do however feel somewhat detached from other people now, like I’m no longer the person I was, learning to absorb adapt and endure sarahs passing is something I never dreamed I’d be doing so soon, sarah was only 45!!! It is a daily struggle but slowly I’m feeling the old self returning, I know this process depends on the person it may be quick or slow or never, I’m not sure which part of that I fit into, but I’m determined to live my life and hope to once again find love, sarah is always with me, I know she would not want me to suffer for the rest of my life, I know how much she loved me as I do her, I’ve always been a strong willed person and have endured many different aspects life has thrown at me, but this I have to say knocked me off my feet, im just not sure if I’ll ever recover fully from it, I hope you all a peaceful year ahead I know a lot of you are feeling what I feel, it somehow gives me comfort that I’m not alone … thankyou for reading x Sam

Hi Sammii- three weeks ago my grandad was put on end of life. He was being treated for five days or

Hi Sammii- three weeks ago my grandad was put on end of life. He was being treated for five days and then he died. He went right in front of me. I was alone in the room at the time though I tell myself I wasn’t alone because he was there but just passing. It wasn’t something I thought I would experience. Now I’m I am not sure how to feel. I feel sick most of the time, guilty, angry, upset and also strong. I can’t talk to my family really about it all. But I like to think that grandad and maybe like your friends dad feel felt safe passing with us there.

Hi Briar Rose,

I am so sorry to read about your Grandad and such a recent loss for you too. It is hard being with someone when they pass away in front of you and hope for you and your Grandad it was peaceful.

I was with both my parents when they passed away and a;ways feel that something no one can ever take from me. With my Dad it was sudden so no time to prepare. With Mum she was terminally ill so expected. I remember both times the world seemed to stop completely and everything went quiet, it felt very strange. I feel it was a privilege to be with them. As you say I hope they knew I was there and felt safe.

If you feel you can’t talk to your family maybe see your doctor. They could talk you through what happened and why. If needed they could arrange more help such as some counselling.

Keep coming back here for help if you need to. There are lots of people here who understand how horrible it all feels at times.

Mel

Hi Sammii,

It’s hard to forget and I found no one understands till they see it themselves. I watched my dad pass on my own in A&E end of April 2018. Gone from the world in 2 hrs, no prior illness. It was a shock, trauma. I relive the events everyday and night. My family do not understand of support me in any way. I understand the shock, flashbacks, lack of understanding.

Posting here is good, people get it.
Take Care
Sam

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