I will never understand a heart attack

It’s been 6 months since my dad died of a massive heart attack . He died in my brothers arms. My brother had tried to resuscitate him for 30 minutes until the ambulance finally decided to show up.

I live in Eastbourne and patents lived in Buckinghamshire and I had just given birth to my first child. A daughter. My father hadn’t met her yet and was due to that weekend he died

I can’t explain or even put into words the pain I feel each day. I cry alot. I look at his pictures …I smell his jumper I took from my parents house which I haven’t washed as it smells of him still . He didn’t even have any health issues. There were no signs except that particular day he thought he had heart burn and laid down in bed for a while.

He was such a kind soul. Always a good father and he so wanted to be a grandfather and he was but never got a chance to meet her.

I try and be there for my mum and brother… but I feel so much grief that I end up making them even sadder

Has anyone eles ever felt this way?


Hi sunstar23, I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel.

My brother too died of a massive heart attack in February this year. He was 74 years old.

We did get a food delivery that day. My brother picked up a heavy box of food and carried it into the house. Later he blamed the box for his pain in his arms. He also thought that his chest infection from a week ago came back. (We also had a Covid booster the week before.) - I was in another room when he called out for me and shouted that his chest pain got a lot worse. I rushed to him and did see how he did slide off his chair and fell onto the floor. I called 999 and started CPR. A first responder arrived very quickly and took over. I did the breathing for my brother. Two ambulances came and the paramedics took over. They tried for about 50 minutes but nothing worked. Later, I was told that my brother had no chance. - Like your dad, my brother too was a kind sole and he helped others when ever he could.

All of his “friends” have disappeared several months ago including his best friend Nick from the 70s. - About five months before my brother’s death, my he asked his friend Nick if he would be the executor of the the will, if something should happen. (He was scared of Covid.) But, this “friend” left after only ten weeks and never came back! My bother was always there for him, while other “friends” had better things to do.

Only three of his old friends in Germany are left now. - But, I live in England.

I have made several new friends since my brother died, and, they help a lot. I will take one of them out for coffee and cake on Saturday.

Sunstart23, I do not think that you can make your mother and brother even sadder. You need each other. Talk to them as much you can, and, talk about the happy memories.

I hope you are all feeling better soon. (That also includes everyone here on this website.)



I know exactly what you are feeling…I carried out cpr on my dad but he was gone…im numb and can’t make sense of it all…he was so young and had so much more to be there for…my eldest daughter started high school and he bought her blazer but never got to see her in it! I’m sure you feel like me that you have been robbed of him. That you never got to say goodbye and that there were so many things left unsaid. Heart attacks strike so fast and sadly they aren’t always survivable…I dont know what to say to you as I’m sure the words go in one ear and out the other at the mo…I know they are with me…im in total denial and have so many questions with no answers…all I can offer you is a virtual hug and an ear to listen xxx

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My dad went to the GP with persuasion by mum thinking he had indigestion. He was taken by ambulance to hospital and had a stent fitted. Enjoyed another 25 years although had COPD due to smoking in his later years. My husband 67, was very fit and active and collapsed at work whilst playing football. CPR performed by the footballers until the paramedics arrived. To no avail. We got there too late he’d already gone. Told nothing would have saved him other than immediate surgery. Had no inkling at all that anything was wrong. A years anniversary on the 22/9. 🥲x. A small consolation is knowing my husband would have wanted to go ‘pain free?’ and quickly. I don’t think resuscitation and the aftermath is always the best option for the person who’s suffered the heart attack unless cpr is performed very promptly and effectively. But so hard for those of us left behind. Big hugs to all of you x


I work in the medical field and know the success rate however as there was no DNR I had to try! My dad would not have wanted to come back but for us it wasn’t time! He wanted to be taken fast and not to suffer and that was exactly what happened… xx


:heart: so sorry for your losses xx

It’s always worth a try. Unfortunately the time window is so very short. When a loved one is at risk you’ll do anything. I’d have done the same x


Hi Nick

Thank you for your message it means alot. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother I feel your pain immensely.

They say time Is a healer but each day that goes by I feel worse. I also hadn’t spent much time with my dad due to covid and this is probably one of the reasons why I feel worse because even before lock down I was always very busy and should have visited my parents more .

Sometimes I call his mobile and it goes to voicemail and I leave a message …which makes me feel even more sadness yet makes me smile at the same time.

I wish I could tell him just what a wonderful father he was as I don’t think I told him often enough .

Lots of love


I am sorry you went through this. My brother like you watched my dad struggle to breath …foam at the mouth and his heart just stopped in seconds. My brother tried so hard to resuscitate him but it was no good.

The coroner even said nothing could have saved him. My brother went through so much trauma as he and my dad were best friends. It’s even harder for him just like you. The worst time for my brother is at night. All he does is picture my dad’s face …his last breath and words.

My mum is grieving and how she is holding it together I do not know. Married over 40 years …such a beautiful loving marriage . She lost her soul mate.

I wish I could offer some words of wisdom but I don’t think I could possibly know what you or even my own brother are going through

I send love and hugs and always here to talk xx

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I actually asked my mum was it harder to lose her dad or her husband…she couldn’t answer for days…eventually said her husband as he was 24/7 with her. At the moment losing my dad has left me unable to cope and far less able to continue on. Emotions are so high that my mind is so confused! Talking doesn’t take away the images xx


Hi everyone, when I saw the title of this thread, I thought : That’s me. It’s been 22 months since I lost my darling soulmate (although I’m not counting, it was only yesterday for me😒). I just cannot and probably will never come to terms with losing him that way, so suddenly and unexpectedly, he was only 57. He also thought it was just indigestion, the pain was bad but he said it was his stomach, nausea and being sick. Never in a million years did we think it was a heart attack, if only we’d rushed him to hospital at the first signs, could he have been saved? My daughter did CPR while we waited for the ambulance, the paramedics tried to revive him for over half an hour but to no avail. I have that scene fixed in my mind continuously and am tormented with guilt and not understanding how it could have happened. The only explanation is that he was a very regular smoker, hadn’t had a general checkup for years, always avoided doctors and medical visits, himself being in the medical field, as you know “doctors make the worst patients”.

Definitely we all suffer from the same or similar feelings we just have to take each minute each hour and day as it comes and keeping busy helps me blocking my time and mind to my emotions



I’m sorry for your loss and your scenario is no different to what happened with my dad. He also had no doctors visits for some time and was a regular smoker. And also the medics also tried cpr for about 20 minutes after my bitter had tried for 20 minutes to.

Yes my mother is ridden with guilt …she says she wished she had spent more time with him and made sure his health was priority. They both very busy with work all the time and caring for my grandmother too up most my mums time.

I feel for her . She lost her soul mate he was only 61.



Thank you @sunstar23. Yes there are so many similarities, it does help sharing our thoughts knowing that we can relate and understand, having gone through the same traumatic loss.
My husband and I also had been having a very stressful time caring for my mother in law who was suffering from dementia.
I understand what you and your family are going through right now, together you will give each other strength and comfort to get through this, and you have your little newborn to give you all so much joy. Your dad will always be with you. You and your brother are a part of him.
Take care.

I’m sorry to post on an old thread, and I hope I don’t cause anyone in it to unwillingly go over painful memories. I found out today that my Dad, who died on Tuesday, was killed by a massive heart attack. He lived overseas and so I wasn’t with him at the time, but it is a small comfort to hear how quickly it can be all over.

He had no prior history of heart problems, had normal cholesterol and was fit and well for his age (77). It seemed to strike so out the blue. We suspect now the shoulder pain which he assumed was related to his arthritis may have been a symptom earlier that day. He carried on with his normal day, and then as far as we know, pretty much dropped dead. My step mother found him possibly ten minutes or so after it could have happened, and he was flat on his back, already gone. No effort to brake his fall or clutch at his chest or anything to indicate he knew what was coming.

I didn’t understand how we could have had no warning, how we were unaware he was at risk, but seems other have had similar experiences.

I guess 77 sounds like a reasonable innings, but he was so fit, healthy and full of life, it doesn’t feel it right now.