Hello
Does anyone else ever wish if things could have been different if their loved one was still here.
I do. I wish I had a Time Machine I could go right back decades before I lost my mum. I could have saved her.
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I think that would apply to virtually all of us, it certainly applies to me. But, as far as possible, I let these thoughts go, and I now try to spend my time thinking about the amazing things we actually did do.
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Hi Steven,
Yes I think like that nearly every day. What ifās are the usual thoughts and words.
Thankfully for me I did a huge amount with my wonderful mum .
We went almost everywhere together and I have amazing memories that I will cherish and love for ever.
Every part of my life has memories of her from going shopping, to the beach, trip in the car,holidays and weekends away, concerts and theatre trips etc The list could go on for ever.
Itās only now 18 months on that I am starting to accept my grief a little and am starting to look back and remember how much we actually did do even though mum was 89.
It has taken me a long time to even start to smile at my memories. It used to upset me looking back and remembering what we did and where we went but somehow I am now able to smile which is something I never thought would be possible.
But of course I still with all my heart wish things could be different.
Deborah
I think I have an honours degree at digging up thoughts from my past, wishing that I had done something different. Yet not once has it done me any good.
A few days ago I came across a famous quote from Buddha, which was something like " be careful of our thoughts, because what we think, we become!"
We have to find a way to let our past go, and concentrate on making our futures happy.
Iāve worked at it, Iām not perfect at it, but Iām far,far, better at putting all these āif onlyā thoughts where they belong, ie in the past. That doesnāt include the amazing memories of being married for 50 years, I keep them close.
Even though Iām 76, my future is optimistic and I look forward do it. (Well, most of it!)
How to find a way? Talking therapy, mindfulness, relaxation, meditation etc. I used relaxation and hypnosis, and still do when I find myself slipping back into my old habits.
Hi this is do helpful.
I think I too have realised that my mum would not live in the past so neither should I. She was such a positive go getter even at 89. She loved life. Every minute of it and would help someone snap out of feeling depressed in an instant. I often wonder what she would say to me sometimes if she saw me do upset.
I find myself saying WWMD. What would mum do. Itās become my go to saying and it helps me do much. I know exactly what she would say and that is Stop being down. Go out and enjoy your life. Life your life to the fullest Grab every opportunity and experience everything possible.
I have strategies that I put in place to help me cope with different thoughts and that is to have a list of distractions ready whatever the time of day or night it is. Having a list of to do things when the sadness really hits me helps.
Deborah
I wish this all the time now, but not just because of mum. But also how the world is, I hate the world today. No compassion, no care nothing. So many things I grew up with is now a crime a written letter, knocking on some one door and running away, not that I did. But lifeās a misery today full of selfish people that only care about themselves. Which gets me emotional has it reminds me of how much my mum loved me and thatās very hard to deal with, but we all are in the same place.
I wish this each and every day. I heard a song yesterday that included the lyrics āif I could turn back the clock, Iād make sure I defeated the dark and kept every hour of every day keeping you safeā. That says it all.
Hi
I tell myself as well that itās no good wishing.
Iāve had people say to me maybe it was my mums time to leave me. I refuse to accept that. It wasnāt my mums time to go.
Iāve spent time on my own thinking if only Iād of been there for my mum I could have saved her shed of seen my partners granddaughter shed of loved her like I do.
Itās not right my mums not here to live the rest of her life with us who loved her so much
That Time Machine I talked about it the sooner invents one Iāll be the first to get on to save my mum
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