Hi, I just turned 20 yesterday and was raised by my grandma pretty much my whole life, she had adopted me and my older brother and even though i called her grandma I always saw her as my mother cause she was. About 3 days before my 20th birthday though i had gotten off from school and came home excited to tell her about my day, and the 2 days prior as i hadn’t been home in 2 days, as I opened the door to my house though the first thing i saw was my grandma who had clearly already been gone for at least a day. I can’t stop thinking about the moment I saw her, the screams I yelled for her to wake up, the way she looked, it’s all stuck in my head and I can’t stop replaying it. I just feel so guilty about being gone for 2 days and wish i could have been there with her to let her know her baby is here for her and to tell her goodbye one last time. I’ve never experienced losing someone before either so losing my momma is truly the hardest thing i’ve been through and I don’t want to have that as my last memory of her, does anyone have advice on how I can help myself heal, i’ve tried to keep myself distracted but even then it seems like i can’t function properly as the memory just replays and then i go quiet and it feels like i can’t talk anymore.
Hello @addyp,
I’m so sorry to read about your grandma. It sounds like you are really struggling with the memory being stuck in your head and feel you can’t function properly.
I just wanted to reach out to thank you for sharing so honestly and to let you know there is lots of other support out there. I would really encourage you to speak to someone about how you are feeling. The following website might help you find support services closer to home: https://help.befrienders.org/
You deserve care and support, @addyp - keep on reaching out.
Take care,
Alex
Hello addyp, so very sorry to hear of your grandma passing, there are no words I could possibly say to you to help you cope. It is very recent, and you finding her is even more traumatic. I was with my husband when he passed, and even knowing that he was going to, when he did, it was the worst feeling I have ever had in my life, I felt like my life was over too. I do hope you can get counseling, that will help you talk about your feelings, it’ll take time but you’ll get to a time where it won’t hurt as much, and there’s plenty of people here on this site who are ready to listen and offer any advice. Take care and God bless you 