If only I could speak with him again..

Grief wakes me early. Maybe it’s the same for you?

This morning, scrolling social media as I do in the early hours, I came across a video, sharing a story from a woman from Ukraine.

The piece was about how this woman’s husband, serving in the army, had been taken to Russia as a prisoner of war. He had been away for two years. In that time, they had not spoken or had any kind of contact. Silence.

Finally, thank goodness, he was released. For her, out of the blue and suddenly, he called her.

She said “we wanted to tell each other everything, but we didn’t know where to start, so much had happened over the past two years”.

As I saw this, the tears came. Thinking of what a moment it would be, if my phone rang and it was Tom calling. To hear his voice, to be back as we were, together, before cancer came, took him and ruined everything. My friends, you will know at once what I mean. Do you long for that, too?

If a miracle happened, and he called - what would I say? I love you, I love you, I love you - the last words I said to him as he died, will be where the conversation starts again. Me to him and back again.

All I would want is to hear his voice, hear his words, feel that sense of calm, safety and security that he gave me, that I lost and miss so much. I would bathe in it, swim in it, hold it close, never to give it up.

I know I will see him again in time, and for now, I must wait patiently, as the woman from Ukraine surely did.

What would you say, if the phone rang, and your beloved was on the line?

Hold tight everyone - we will be ok x


Totally understand this. I have rang my wife’s mobile phone even though she never had a voice mail set up just so I can see her name on my called list. I have also sent her WhatsApp messages telling her much I love her though I will never get a reply.

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Hi vancouver, i feel the same. If only i could have another 5 minutes with him. There is so much i didn’t say. I was cleaning out the shed and found some things that were John’s. I was ready to throw something out but suddenly thought no he might need that. Then realised that he wont be back. I hate life everyone is getting on with their lives and are happy. I dont feel i will ever be happy again. Life vis pointless without the love of my life.


If only they could come back and sort all this mess and despair.
I also message my husband @StuartC but know I’ll never get a reply.
Today is a hideous day for me - so many things going wrong and so sad and very lonely.
Most people I know my age (52) are all at work and getting on with their lives. I wonder if I should go back to work but know i wouldn’t be able to practice safely as I work with teens with mental health problems who are often suicidal.
And my kids are struggling so I need to be at home for them especially as the school holidays start tomorrow.
But how to move on ? I have no idea how to rebuild my life.
Sending hugs to all on this site today feeling lost and alone xxxx

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Oh what I wouldn’t give for him to call and say it was all a mistake. I had a dream about that early on. But it was just a dream. And wishing him back doesn’t work.
Believe me I’ve tried

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oh, @Liro - I know, I know - it is all so very hard. All I have now is the knowledge that Tom would want me to be happy, to find a life, to move forward. I hold on to that, and I go again today. Hold tight, my friend x

Thankyou @Vancouver

Roger wantwd me to go on with my life abd i told him i would. Bur it’s so very hard.
But you know that.
Step by step we eill get ther

Sending love and hugs
Liz x x

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My partner of 32 years passed in Feb in a freak car accident. This weekend my son and I are downsizing from a 4 bed cottage to a 2 up 2 down, I cant face getting rid of anything, Monday I had to let friends take over as I was hysterical. Life is shit Darren was my soul mate we had been together from the age of 14. Our daughter has her 30th birthday on the 4th July and out of our 3 children she is the one that is struggling the most.

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My Husband died on the 17th of this month. I would give anything to hear is voice one more time. To tell him not to leave me to hear him say he loves me. I am heartbroken

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I think how and why everyday but I am not going to get any answers. Its be with all of the health issues, why cant the roles have been reversed !!!