If somebody said...

If somebody said " you will be happy again… "…how…

I think we can be happy Jackie. We can never know pure joy again but I do believe we can know a certain contentment and happiness even though tainted by sadness. This is what I strive for.

When I’m at work a stranger could never guess at my loss and devastation. I behave absolutely normal, yes normal. I laugh, I joke and fool around and I would go so far as to say I’m happy. I do this whilst carrying my darling husband on my shoulder. He is with me always.
Yes, of course, at home I have my dark times, my tearful times but few are witness to these. This is my private time, mine and David’s.

So to sum up Jackie -pure joy - No. Content and happy - yes. Sadness - always. xx


I’ll share the words that came when I was telling a new friend about the loss of my husband.
‘You learn it’s not the time you lost but the time you had that’s important’
I had no idea until I wrote them in my message that I had managed to reach that point in my journey with grief. We are all learning, always will be.
Kate is right, what is lost is that joyous feeling,
our saddest moments become private.
Happiness is in my life, it comes in many forms :blue_heart:


Hi Kate, How true your words. I think I also have reached the same stage of my grief as you. I too find myself laughing and chatting with people and yes even a friendly banter, but as I walk away and am alone my sadness will sometimes engulf me and the tears are always at the ready. No one witnesses my grief now, it is mine. I was told by a counsellor that I was a strong person, moving on. I really couldn’t understand how he came to that conclusion as at the time I felt so lost and alone. Perhaps if I had been crying and screaming I might have seemed to be grieving. This is not my way and how I sound and look is not what is going on inside me. So I will continue to wave, have a friendly word with people and generally try to be a ‘Jolly soul’ that people will think has got over her loss. I can only say I have them fooled…
Sadness - Always and forever.
Pat xxx


Words that mirror how I feel Pattidot.
I think everyone would give me a wide berth if I showed them how I really felt.
Those feelings are for when I’m alone and the sadness and the grief become too much.
Now just over one year since my wonderful partner died.
It’s two months since going on my first holiday in years where I broke my shoulder.
It’s two weeks since my diagnosis of MS.
Doctor’s said I was lucky my broken bones hadn’t moved out of place.
Doctor’s said I was lucky that the MS was diagnosed later rather than earlier in life.
I wonder what an unlucky person’s life is like!
Shall plod on with my gardening but if I fall in a pile of manure I shall just say at least I was lucky it was a soft landing!

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What a good attitude you have 12remember. I am dreadfully sorry to hear of your MS diagnosis. At least your sense of humour is still in tact. Your last sentence made me laugh. Sending love xx

Hi. I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. It all seems so unfair. We lose the one person we want to lean on and when they go we are left alone to cope. I was also diagnosed, only weeks after losing Brian. with a inherited problem that has been the curse of our family and killed my father at a young age. Hard after never being really ill in my life but I am carrying on with my allotment and feel like screaming at times when I so want my Brian to be there with me. I was trying to load wood on a wheel barrow last week and struggling, I fell backwards into a bonfire pile. Luckily it wasn’t lit!!! So I was lucky I suppose.
Pat xxx

Thank you both for your kind words.
I don’t actually feel sorry for myself as I know, as do others, that there are so many people worse off.
There are so many wonderful sites to see and so many experiences still to enjoy.
So it’s off to the U3a Tai chi class. What is it about a more mature age group where some of the movements can sometimes provide a symphony of flatulance?
So sorry to bring the tone down but as is often said, if you don’t laugh you cry.
Think we’ve all done enough crying to fill an Olympic size swimming pool!


You didn’t bring the tone down you made me smile. Well done on doing the Tai chi class. I started Zhumba classes because I love to dance.
I agree with you there are many people worse off, so good luck in seeing all those sights

Pattidot, I thought I was the best actress around. I recently had a breakdown and the amount of people who thought I was coping…I fooled them all.Been 12+10 years since I lost my parents,and I bottled it up…literally head in a bottle.