if the situation was reversed

I have read some comments that people comfort themselves that at least their loved one is not the one going through what we are. it does comfort me a bit.

I wonder what my René would do, don’t think I know as I feel so disconnected from him already forgetting what he would say.

my family are taking me to the crem to look at the flowers now (half an hour drive, I don’t drive) as I had a bad day.

What do you think your loved one would do if things were reversed and what would you have liked for them to do?

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My Gill was a very competent, managerial, type of person and she had a large network of friends. I suspect that she would have fared rather better than I am. None the less I am glad that this agony is mine to live through and not hers. I am nine years older than she was so, hopefully, will not have as long to live with the dreadful pain as she would have done… What would she have thought of the effect her death is having on me? She would be very upset and desperate to give me a hug - I would give everything I have for one more lingering hug from her. FleurDeLis, I hope that you survived the trip to look at the flowers OK. I buried Gill’s ashes in our village churchyard last week. I even wept my way through that little ceremony!


You are both very selfless to be glad to shield your loved ones by you bearing this. I’m not sure I can be so brave.

I spent some hours yesterday imagining my husband giving me CPR instead and I think he would have shouted at the ambulance people or complained (it took 30 min for them to arrive and I had to perform chest compressions for around 25 minutes) whereas I was very polite to them and grateful (not their fault I know but the cuts).

A lot of the problems I had since he didn’t have (he can drive, he could have fixed our electrics and Internet) and I think he would be very sad but able to at least do the same things like drink coffee, play on his pc and watch what he likes. He would have been much better at this than me.

I think he would tell me to stand on my own two feet and do what I want instead of letting family look after me so heavily as they are doing (so I drink tea coz they do, watch soaps and news coz they do… None of it is my usual tastes but I am so grateful and pathetic I can’t be alone).

The trip to the flowers was OK thanks Peter but not as comforting as I hoped.

You crying at Gill’s ashes is a normal reaction, showing your love for her. Thank you for answering. I wish I could ask my husband for advice but I’m not quite sure what he’d say.

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