Well, its nearly the end of the year and Ive just spent an hour sat outside the pub in the light drizzle with my dogs, and I began to think about where I am, compared to where I was. The story starts when Penny died one month before our golden wedding. I had the same emotions we all know well, absolute despair, panic, anger, the list is pretty endless isnt it! That was three and a half years ago, yet now I’m going into the new year with optimism, pretty much happy again with my life . I never forget her, I very often chat to her. I started to work out how I’ve achieved this metamorphosis.
The best I’ve come up with is that I’ve tried to be eternally positive and optimistic. Seemed an impossible task at the beginning, but came easier as I progressed. To cut a long story short, I figured there are 4 foundation blocks I now rely on , which have evolved in time, and I hold them tighter than tight.:
FRIENDS: not those well meaning people who trot out those well meaning phrases like “Time is a healer”., “Anything you want, just ask”, but then disappear. It’s those true friends who quietly just turn up, sit with you, make you a cuppa, and listen month after month.
ANIMALS: Penny left me with two amazing little poochon dogs, who are forever with me, on the settee, on my bed, and on the toilet 
. They always listen, (I very often talk to them about their mum) never argue. I needed more animals in my life, so I joined Guide Dogs as a foster parent. and wonderful dogs will come and go
MUSIC: I’ve always thought I would love to be a musician, but did nothing about it. I did play a ukulele, but that really doesn’t qualify as a musical instrument. So I joined a 50 strong 4 part harmony choir, and I love every second of it, we hold fantastic concerts, and many new friendships have formed. Then I suddenly decided to learn to play the flute. Now who, at the age of 76 would decide to learn such a difficult instrument? But I did it, and again I never regret it for one second. I often play it at home, it fills many hours whilst giving me pride that I’m doing it. I reckon I’m the oldest flautist learner in Yorkshire
And finally, the most difficult cornerstone to describe, yet absolutely the best thing I could was to get involved in learning…
Mindfulness: We all have that background chatter in our heads telling us such things as “I might as well die as well”, “I’ll never be happy again”, “life is pointless without him/her”. Mindfulness has taught me how to handle these very unhelpful thoughts. I have them no more, I’m now calmly at peace with these unhelpful, damaging thoughts, and I can now look forward with some optimism. It never ever means I forget her, but I think of her with a smile instead of a tear. It’s not easy, it needs a lot of effort and self honesty, but one of the best things I’ve ever tackled.
So I think its about time I moved on and enjoyed the rest of my life.
I hope my mental meanderings with a pint of Adnams in the drizzle, might help someone. But decide to do something, do it, stick with it, hold on tight and life will/can rebuild itself. I wish everybody well.
PS. I didn’t say it was easy to rebuild our lives, but it’s worthwhile.
Good luck everyone.
That’s the sad reality and I really wish it was different. For me to do that it would hold me back and feel like I was dragging Titanic’s anchor wherever I go, and whatever I do. There’s an old proverb from the 16th or 17th century :- "If wishes were horses , beggars would ride " means that just wishing and dreaming about what you want is useless, you have to work for it.