just this minute gotten out of bed, another 5.am and facing another empty and lonely day, yes i am now a nobody, there is not one person who would miss me if i was to die, let alone deal with my funeral…The only person who genuinely cared about me was my Richard, for 20 years he was my loyal and trustworthy, 100% reliable partner, now he was suddenly and unexpectedly taken away from me at age of 74…Yes i dont recognise how i have gotten from a normal home-life, Richard, bricks and mortar house, three dogs, car each, to this, just me, and to top it all, 140 plus miles away of which i am stuck here for as long as it takes to get where i want- plan to get, back towards home…but back to what, what is home now, no Richard, no dogs, no family as such…as i have stated, i am now just a nobody, no one will even miss me if i too went, nor i have no one to even give me a send off…my Richard would have taken care of that as for some strange reason i had always assumed i would go before him, not for Richard to go before me, well life or death has a strange way of doing things its own way…Yes woken up to my reality of my-our life as we knew it is here no more, just a past memory although it doesn’t seem that long ago i-we were living a " normal " life and together with no worries about ill health nor our future…What future now…Is this the price we pay when our life evolves around that one person, then we lose that one person, and then we become a nobody, a lonely old no one…a no one that no one will miss…
You’re not a nobody to me. To me you’re someone who obviously shared a wonderful life with someone who you loved and who loved you dearly in return.
Find a reason to get to, find a cause that would put a smile on Richard’s face, that would have him saying… “no you didn’t!” and you reply yes I did!
I lost my dad last year and my mum two weeks ago. She was my rock, my go to person, the one I shared everything with. I’ve got no one to turn to. In married but when we have trouble my mum fixes it, she fixed me now no one is there to pick me up.
But she left me, now I have to make her memory smile.
Of course your not a nobody Jackie. You are somebody who has had a life and a happy relationship with a good, kind man who loved you. You have made a happy home for that man, had your dogs and been fulfilled. You have now met such sadness and illhealth yet you are soldering on and planning another life, you should be proud of yourself. Many of us feel the same way, I know I do. My daughter hasn’t been in touch for months, my son is now contacting me…by text, why can’t he have a conversation. My grandson and wife are great but they have their own life and after a few tears would forget me. My dogs are the only ones that would miss me, but kind new owners would soon make them happy again. We all feel lost and alone now because the one person we want with us isn’t there.
Yes we are paying a price for that love. But we are not a nobody. We have experience of life, we have loved, we have been a parent. We have lived. It’s up to us now what we do with that life and experience, there’s still more to come. Focus on what is to come, you will get there Jackie.
Pat xxx
I lost my mum last year too. Like you I have a partner but my mum was also my go to person and the void she has left is so massive.
My dad died 21 years ago so to have no parents now is life changing.
Life is incredibly hard without mum and I think I am changed forever.
Cheryl x
Scarlet, I lost my Mum 12 weeks ago and my Husband suddenly 3 weeks after. All I wanted was my Mum and she was gone Like your Mum mine always fixed everything and now I have lost my two most precious people in the world. Ain’t life
V xx
How are you doing Jackie-Richard? I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I’ve been struggling to sleep, I go to bed but wake over the night and by morning I’m fitful and shattered
Scarlet…
… thank you for asking, i am still a wreck, my life at present is in shatters…as soon as one deals with one thing, ie: solicitor business, another thing will pop up ready to take over that we now have to deal with, a move at some point is going to be on my horizon…
Oh yes our sleep patterns…I am waking up an our or two earlier than ever, then my reality hits in and I have a cry once i am fully awake to face another lonely and empty day…
I feel that a whole year has been taken out of my life,and yet there is still more to go before everything settles, but settle to what…
Hi Jackie,
Tell me about your mum. What was she like?
Mine was a very talented knitter and avid machine patchworker. She was so clever at putting colour combinations together
Scarlet…
…it was Richard my partner of 20 years i lost at age 74…I lost my mother when i was 26, mother was 61, i am now 68…Strange you mention a knitter…when i was young i would watch my mother knitting and watching the tv, she rarely ever dropped a stitch and she could knit fast…It was my mother who taught me to knit when in my teens…
So sorry I got it mixed up. I’ve been writing in so many different groups I should have read the messages above. My apologies. Your first message just made me so sad that I couldn’t give you a big hug and help, I lost sight of the details.
My mum would knit so fast I can’t compete. In fact the way I knit I let go of one needle to wrap the year around and then continue.
I’m sorry to hear you lost your mum so young. I’m 42 and it seems way to young to be without my parents.
Let me ask again what was Richard like? What were the dogs that you shared your lives with?
Scarlet…
…my Richard literally was liked by everyone who knew him…He was so laid back, not a communicator, very pleasant and friendly, he never worried about the past, the future, just lived for the day, he was a creature of habit…My Richard always put me as number one, he was a provider from the first day we met, and provided for me all through our life together, Richard would take me any place i wanted to go, never argued about the distance, he was literally 100% reliable not only to me but to everyone, not once did he ever let anyone down, never…
Scarlet
I’m 48 and feel too young to be without both parents. I’ve got friends in their mid 50s who still have both parents.
I’m sorry you lost your dad just the year before your mum. Thats really hard.
My dad died 20 years before my mum and yet it’s still painful to think about him. I find think we ever ‘get over’ this.
My mum was fantastic. She didnt knit but was great at sewing. She altered all my curtains a couple of months before she died.
When my daughter came home from school with a button missing from her skirt shortly after my mum died I had a complete meltdown.
Mum did all that sort of stuff for me. My mum would mend my dads socks hundreds of times before they bought new ones. New ones were for birthday and xmas only. Nowadays everyone just throws things away and buys more. My mums needlework box just sits there and will soon be a thing of the past.
Cheryl x
Mums are good at helping out in times of need like that.
Over the past few years I’d done some craft classes with my mum and been together for sewing days. We had so much fun, enjoyed good food and a few glasses of Prosecco, but she had so much to teach me.
In her house so much is stuff she made, beautiful patchwork and more. It so sad to see the unfinished projects and new things she never got the chance to even start.
I miss her so much I’m not sure how you get through this pain.
I have no idea how I will either. The loss of her will affect us for the rest of our lives on this earth.
I just hope I can find some happiness again before it’s my time, because I havent had any for 7 and a half months.
It just feels like a bad dream all the time doesnt it?
It’s not just our mums, it’s their generation that are going. I’m so sad.
Wishing you an ok day. I’m at work all day so will keep busy x
Like your Mum mine always fixed everything and now I have lost my two most precious people in the world. Ain’t life 