I met my husband at 13 we were inseparable. At 17 we went our separate ways both having families. After 32 years we found our way back to each other, it was ment to be. In 2012 we moved in together and married in 2016. These have been the happiest years of my life. Mark was diagnosed with esophagus cancer in February 2024 which had spread and could not be treated. I cared for mark at home in his final month this was so hard watching my strong man slowly disappear. Mark passed at 22.40 on 04 November 24 with me laying next to him. Mark told me every day " I love you baby" im never going to hear this again, never have my safe hugs or kiss him again. Im empty, broken and my heart aches so much. This man was my everything how can i possibly make this my new normal when i miss him so much. Mark was only 57.
Hello @Suki02 ,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
I am so sorry that your long lost love died. Such a love affair you had! Reunited with your 17 year old love. Magical. Like a movie, but with a tragic ending. It is the most awful thing that can happen in life - loss of a spouse.
We get it. We hate it. We survive it. Hour by hour.
Much love.
Richard and I knew each other from the age of 11, we were friends and went to school together. He was always my mate. We got together in our early 20’s. He past away on the 16th July. He was 61. I will never stop missing him. I even miss the things that irritated me!!
Mbg, I had to laugh a bit. I haven’t had anyone: criticize my cooking; leave the toilet seat up; leave clothes draped every where; leave wet towels on the floor; or, an empty milk carton on the counter in 6 weeks. It is noticeable. Yes, I even miss the irksome things.
Much love.
Isn’t it weird! The house stays tidy. The top is always on the toothpaste. Loads of strange oddities around the home that don’t occur anymore. His ashes are just above where I sit in the lounge to watch tv. I wait for his complaining voice to say “What bloody crap are you watching now?” I even miss that. X
I am so sorry Suki02. The pain is unbearable. My wife died five weeks ago and she was only 57. It was sudden so we were spared the agony of a long illness but the shock has been immense.
I too feel empty and miss her so, so much. She meant the entire world to me. When she came in she would always say “Hello, my lovely”. I would give anything just to hear her say that one more time.
Everyone on here has been a great help to me. I think only those who have lost a loved one can truly understand what we are going through. I thought it would be bad but I certainly didn’t realise how horrific it would be until my wife died.
We are all going through the same agony and we are here for you. xx
The suddenness of it , my husband died suddenly of heart attack in April , how can one min we are talking about the day ahead the next he is having CPR on the living room floor , he was 65 I am 56 and Again I thought it would be bad when the day would come but I didn’t expect it this soon or this bad I am 7 months on and it feels like 7 weeks ! X
Hi Jane15
Nice to hear from you again. My beloved partner also died suddenly in April. - 29 weeks today. Can’t believe where the time has gone. Sometimes it feels like it was ages ago and others it was like it was yesterday. I still remember every moment of that dreadful day. I still cry every day at some point but I am calmer now. Just taking each day at a time and the days turn into weeks and the weeks into months somehow.
Not looking forward to Christmas. He would have been sorting all the lights out and getting them put up outside. There doesn’t seem any point now.
Sending a big hug to everyone on the worst day of the week xx
I am so sorry Jane. The shock is horrific. You can’t believe it’s happening. My wife was the same. She was talking about going into town that afternoon then went upstairs and collapsed with a pulmonary embolism. She didn’t even make it to hospital.
I miss her so much, I can’t bear it.
Hi Suki,
I feel you. My partner died of oesophageal cancer just under two weeks ago at 33. He fought it for two years, it even completely disappeared at one point, we were so hopeful, but then it came back worse than before. What an AWFUL disease. I hate it. I hate it. I’m so sorry for you.
I know what you mean about watching the person you love retreat, it is so hard and yet I was in total denial - always thought we would make it until the end, and to be honest, I am still waiting to wake up in that alternate reality where his death didn’t happen. I keep trying to find the loophole. Keep feeling if I just don’t give up hope we will find our way back to one another. It’s so damn hard. I’m here with you. Lots of love to you. <3
No I am also not looking forward to Christmas , for the first time in 37 years apart from Lockdown I have actually got Christmas off ! Basically it’s taken my husband to die to get a Christmas off ! I will be travelling up North to spend Christmas with my son, brother and Mother , as I don’t want to even be in this house at Christmas , I now count in months how long I have lost my husband and have progressed to being on antidepressants! Something I didn’t want , but it’s something I need x
I feel you as my love was diagnosed and passed away within 6 weeks…hecwas 41 and i miss him so much…itsonlybeen 3 weeks 
It’s the little things that break me. The sound of his motorbike when we moved it the other day. All the things I thought would trigger me, haven’t and the inconsequential things that set me off and leave me fighting for breath. Taking a minute to breathe deeply and then sighing out is helping me at the mo x take care 
I have possession of the remote control for the TV now. Haven’t had that for 25 years. My husband would fall asleep with the remote firmly stuck in his hand or it would be somewhere in the blankets hiding. Wish I could wrestle the remote from him and search the blankets again. Stupid thing is always where I left it now.
The shock and the agony is unbearable, Jane. It is 7 weeks today since I lost Lillian and I am reliving every minute of it. It’s a horror that will stay with me for the rest of my life.
Like you, I never thought this could happen now. She was far too young and it has left me absolutely heartbroken.
I am so sorry, Kazzaj. The agony and the pain is so raw in the early weeks. It’s 7 weeks for me today and I still can’t accept Lillian won’t be coming back. Life without her is not worth living.
Sending love and hugs, xx
I also understand the hope and denial part of coping with cancer diagnosis. My partner had stage 4 rectal cancer with spread to the liver. However it was treatable and he had extensive chemo/radiotherapy and all was going in the right direction. He had a liver resection and was doing really well he died the day before he was due to be discharged from hospital of post operative complications in march after plummeting on the day before. We now face the same with my son who has terminal oesophagus cancer and is in month 10 of a 12 month life span prediction and so far is doing ok.
I am so sorry for the loss of your partner and the awful news about your son. My heart really goes out to you. Love and hugs