@LostLil On so-called signs I always think of the words of Paul Simon ‘A man sees what he wants to see and disregards the rest’. We see what we want to, true or not. xx
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Nail on the head there Mike
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Yes I think so too. Surely if “signs” were real then they wouldn’t leave us second guessing if they were indeed signs or if they actually happened or not? 
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I think even amongst our grief we have to be grateful that they were a huge part of our lives and that we are fortunate to have loved. There are so many people that are not so lucky and never find love in life. There are blessings in everything. I even count the blessings in my partners death, massive heart attack and never recovered. Alternative was had he survived I was told he would have had brain damage and that would be an awful quality of life. In fact 5 weeks on I now wish they had not tried to resuscitate him as that would have saved him from being on a ventilator for 4 days
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Exactly right lostlil, if indeed they were signs they would leave us without any doubt. Although saying that Jane would leave me second guessing just to keep me on my toes 
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My partner was not healthy but not unhealthy either, if that makes sense. She had quite a few little niggles that on their own would be nothing but altogether they would indeed cause her some pain and discomfort. It gives me warmth that she no longer has to suffer at all and i will take that as the alternative would be to see her suffer from her niggles
I don’t believe any of this grief process/stages either, I think grief is simply the body and mind trying to salvage something from the destruction it has experienced. People focus on these stages believing there is an end result/timeline and like any process that they can follow it and decipher it as it’s a route. People write thousands of books on the stages of grief etc but they all say it’s different for everyone…mmm bit of a pointless book then…
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Grief defines us like everything else in life it’s how we react to it
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@Sarlyn I would agree that social science models of any behaviour including grief are flawed because they are based on subjective observation of subjective experience. I mean by this that the researcher has defined the research hypothesis, methodology and analysis of results in accordance with their own conscious and sub-conscious ideology and responses from subjects studied will be both subjective and individual to them and therefore difficult to compare from individual to individual. I think books written by bereaved people outlining their experiences are useful as they often validate and provide insight into our own experience.
I would agree that “grief is simply the body and mind trying to salvage something from the destruction it has experienced” and simply add “by trying to reconcile a familiar and wanted past with an uncertain and unwanted future”. xx
Hi,
I’m very sorry for your loss. I know how you feel I too have just lost my partner and I started spiralling. I started obsessing about death. I still am.I have always been a Christian I thought when we die we go straight to heaven or hell but I’ve recently found out that it’s not the case. God refers to death as sleep in the Bible. We will sleep in Christ until the rapture and then we will all live on earth after the second coming of Christ where death will be no more. No sickness’s no pain we will all live on heaven on earth. So technically until that happens or loved ones just remain asleep, they know nothing about our world anymore or their death, their love their memories it all died with the body but I believe will be restored once everyone is resurrected. In a way this didn’t bring me comfort as that means they’re not in a better place right now they’re in no place until these events happen. The way we will be saved is by having faith and living a good life. It also says God will not forsake non believers in the resurrection and will give them a chance to learn of Christ and follow him. I think knowing this snapped me out of a trance because I feel like I’m falling into a depression in a way my love has no recollection of me or anything for now,everything I regretted not doing he has no recollection of it so I’m just making myself suffer, it’s still sad but he doesn’t see me crying he doesn’t feel my pain if I make myself sick he won’t know about it so it shows that we do have to still keep living until our time. It’s why they say we can’t follow them to the grave. It also says we will all recognize eachother in heaven. I’m still researching if there will be relationships etc as I was also thinking what if someone marries again, or finds love again and they die who will they be United with. It’s all in the scripture so if you take time to read it even online it should help. You just have to believe and have faith that all of this exits and you will be see your love again one day
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@LQOL lm sorry but as much as l believe in God, lve had too many events over the years to not believe that our departed are no longer aware of us.
My family lived with ‘cyril’ for over 40 years, letting himself known by doing odd things in our presence during the day. l saw ‘cyril’ one night, he stood at the end of my bed, it turned out he was a brother of one our neighbours.
My father came to me one night and stood by my bed and spoke to me about my husband as clear as day and no l was not dreaming.
Events in my present house which cannot be explained ‘scientifically’.
Visitations (not dreams) to my sister by her son, inwhich he spoke to her.
So loved ones do not go far and at some point will get through to us.
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I’ve never read the bible and I’m not at all religious so I don’t know why I’m even wondering about life after death to be honest. With everybody else I’ve ever known to die I just accepted they were gone forever and that was it, I never even wondered about an afterlife or if they had gone somewhere else. With my partner I just can’t help but feel desperate that I’ll see him again. I just can’t accept the fact his death is final and he doesn’t exist in any way anymore and isn’t even aware he even existed. I think this is purely down to my sheer desperation right now 
I hope I’m wrong but how can we ever know? Lots of people tell me stories about things they say they have experienced but I tend to only believe what I see with my own eyes. I feel like I absolutely NEED to know, I don’t feel like my life can move forward until I know but I know there is absolutely no way to know 
My head is scrambled
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LostLil i think the same as you, im not religious and have never read the bible. Grandparents have died and i just accepted that they were gone and that was the end of it all.
I now find myself longing for utopia where everything is calm and pleasant to spend with my partner for eternity and then i wonder how big a place is this utopian ideal as imagine how many people have died before us… now my brains hurting 
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Haha, I’m sure it’s massive. It would have to be to fit all the billions of people who have died before us in. Then again I guess the earth is tiny compared to what’s out there. I find myself thinking about what they would even do all day up there for eternity and then it seems even more crazy to think that there’s something else after death. It sounds nuts to even think about it. Gosh grief really does make you lose your marbles.
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@LostLil I thought about your phrase: “I find myself thinking about what they would even do all day up there for eternity”, Then I thought if they had daytime TV, it would be more like hell. That’s scrambled my brain too. xx
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Haha, like seriously eternity is a loong time, what do you think you would actually do? I’m not sure I’d even want to be around for eternity to be honest. I’d just like a reunion with our lost loved ones for a little while then I’d be happy to sleep forever
@LostLil Eternity is infinity, it is never ending. I think we would all agree that to have kept our loved ones for more time with us here is what we really want. And that time would never be enough. xx
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My soulmate died 6/2/2023 after a fight with pancreatic cancer , a few years before this I had breast cancer , usual treatment, ops , chemo , radiotherapy. Due to all this we talked about afterlife and we promised each other if possible we would let each other know we were around . He’s been gone 8 weeks , been here 3 times xx . Even our little dog knows , I havnt seen him but felt him move right through my body , tingling , hot and cold and sometimes our song comes on , it’s a rare one , bee’s wings by whistlin donkeys . I can’t explain any of it but I’m holding on to it xx
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Ahh now your talking to find your soulmate and to sleep arm in arm for eternity, im hoping if thats true we wont need toilet breaks 
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Yes that’s very true. I have no desire to exist for eternity, neither did he. We both hoped to retire quite a few years early so that we could travel and enjoy life before we died. Neither of us wanted to live to be really old.
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