I'm feeling lost without my dad

My dad was my best mate, listening ear and one of only two positive people in my childhood. Sadly, the other was my brother who died 21 years ago. My brother’s death was traumatic as he was aged 23, and sadly murdered. My dad died in August, we were more than prepared for his death as he had long term heart problems and went into heart failure in October 2019. He was on palliative care at home. Regardless of that knowledge his death still hit me like a bus. I have no relationship with my mother and 4 half siblings, dad’s stepchildren; as I became aware of one of them financially abusing dad while he was dying. The whole family turned on me when I tried to tackle it. All of dad’s end of life wishes where taken from him as he was rushed into hospital after a false health report made by my brother. This was followed by harassment from them and I had to stop them attending the funeral as they where disturbing his family who are all elderly and some very vulnerable due to poor metal health. Despite this, we had a beautiful funeral with all his wishes respected and his hilarious life story retold by an amazing humanist speaker. I started a new job shortly after his funeral and I’ve not had five minutes to think properly.

I am so sad and angry and I have so much to talk about with him. I’ve tried to talk to a picture, or to myself like he’s in the room but it doesn’t work for me. He despised Donald Trump, and I’d love to know what he’s say about the horrible riot and the impending impeachment. I would love him to see me happy in a job I adore in the NHS supporting isolated people. I’ve been helping elderly people get their covid-19 vaccinations as part of my new job, and seeing people old enough to be his mum or dad leaves me feeling robbed. It’s beautiful to see people feel so optimistic about a chance at freedom from shielding, and I feel very privileged to spend my time chatting with them as they wait for their jab - but it makes me think of him.

It’s his 78th birthday next week. I have no idea what to do. His 2 brothers and his sister are all shielded due to age and/or ill health - and lock down stops us from meeting to catch up. I’m planning a celebration of his life when the world is safe again, hopefully this year but until then I’m in limbo.

dad wreath|666x500

I feel lost without my dad too Emma1978 - he was the most precious person in my life but was taken from us in the pandemic only because he was in hospital at the time it started and wasn’t shielded from the danger :frowning: It was no where near his time he wasn’t old. I know how it feels to lose that person, that rock, the one thing in your life that meant the world to you, and it hurts so bad.
I found the pictures hurt, I can’t look at them, the only thing that helps me is talking to others in the same position and keeping busy, how lovely you are helping others during this time, although I know how much it hurts as they could be our dads, but they aren’t :frowning: BUT think how proud your dad would be of you now doing that :slight_smile: I too wish I could just have 5 minutes to tell him how much we loved him, I would have done anything to be with him but he was put on end of life care (we weren’t told) and we weren’t allowed to be anywhere near him so he died alone, he hated being alone and that will haunt me forever xx Take good care, and look forward to seeing loved ones when we can, hug them lots and talk about him, he would want you to remember the good times <3 xx Big Hugs xxx

1 Like

Thank you TCT. An email reminder for his birthday card came today so I made him a card as usual. He love the ones with photos on. His brother, my lovely uncle, still lives in their house so it will go on the mantle piece. I’m going to continue that on his birthdays and fathers day every year. I also have a CD of him singing as he was a professional musician. I’m going to make a music video for each song so I can post it on YouTube for his friends, family and fans to see. He was famous to us and very talented. I’m so sorry you lost your dad too. It’s so bizarre to lose a life long best friend