I'm lost

Im unsure why im writing this when i cant even come to terms my dad has gone.
My dad died march 23rd .
I was visiting my parents an noticed my dad looking like he lost weight. Few weeks down the line he started to lose his balance. Not being able to eat or drink due to it being thrown back up. I called a doctor who gave him antibiotics. In the end I got scared an took him hospital he was so weak.the doctor says all tests are clear maybe he’s dehydrated due to lack of food an drink. I sat there with him an I stood up grabbed a Dr an asked for a second opinion. The following day my heart broke the doctor called me to go back down there. I left so I could go tell my mum what was happening because she has a brain aneurysm and been confused and forgetful etc to explain about what’s happening at the hospital by time I finished telling my mum what the doctor had said they rang me to go down there. I go down there an he says your dad has lymphoma and a few blood clots. I had no idea what it was I said why wasn’t it picked up before he’s seen many doctors throughout the year etc. They didn’t give me a answer I said so what happens now. There reply was you need to call you family I said why they said he probably has hours he could have days but your family may want to say bye…weird as 12 hrs before they said all clear. I walked out the hospital an broke on my knees rang my wife. I’m the youngest out my family. I stayed with him constantly I wouldn’t let people be sad as my dad was the life an party with all his banter. He wouldn’t want that.
The hospital stay was another story but I’m still angry for the way he was treated. I can’t bare this all my siblings have dusted there self’s out when I’m sat an can’t even talk about it

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Hello @Shells.1,

I’m so sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your Dad. It sounds as though things were incredibly difficult for you during that time and at the moment and you are feeling very angry.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few resources with you that may help you right now.

Another good place to get support is [see resources and signposting document for services relevant to their situation if appropriate]. They offer [xxx] which you might find helpful.

Take care - keep reaching out,


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Thank you. There’s alot more to it. Basically they lost my dad’s glasses. And his other belongings which included gold. Apparently they may of been thrown out. They past the blame to different wards etc. They left my dad for 23hrs unable to communicate left in his own mess etc not even a check on him. I know this because I was there. A nirse went to come in at around 2am an the other nurse say ahh don’t bother it’s end if life an walked past him like he was nothing. Clearly the nurse didn’t see me sat there. They left him in pain. They didn’t check him clean him change him they litrally stuck him in a room to die. I wont forget how they treated him I took it further and made official complaint and raised awareness so others don’t have to go through same thing

I am really sorry to read what you have written. It’s clear you are angry about how your dear dad was treated and I can really sympathise with you. Keep reading posts here which might help you and try and keep a balance on what you remember which is much easier said than done.
I lost my mother seven months ago and I am still sore and miss her so much.

Take care x

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Thank you for your reply
I took myself to the hospital. Spoke to the main nurses, apparently there words…we have to follow a rota when a patient comes in over 60. We run all the tests on that rota so we don’t look for anything in particular or just what’s on the rota…
I said.maybe your rota is wrong because I was telling you constantly his problems etc and I still had to get a second opinion…
The nurses took my opinions away with them and stated they will changed this so called rota an check for things matching what the families said in regards to the symptoms. Now I look after my mum. I live round the corner so I go round every evening and many phone calls throughout each day. I’m not only carrying my own grief I’m also carrying my siblings and my mums. My mum repeats her self alot an will ring me constantly when I’m not there saying she’s alone etc she’s scared an when I ask why she said she don’t know. My siblings don’t help. They only want to help I’d they gain from it. My dad would be ashamed of them… I then even got shouted at by my brother who said I took over the funeral and my dad hated me with a passion. I know its not true.and he was doing it to get a rise.out of me but still hurt. I sorted all my dad’s funeral because none of the family bothered
Typical of them really there all self gain
Now I’m unsure how to handle.myself I’m on my first year of marriage and now having to try figure somthing out for my mum just while I go for a meal on our 1st wedding anniversary. I wish my dad did a will so I didn’t have to sort anything and be accused of alsorts because mu siblings only want what they can do. I just wish I knew what my dad actually wanted an if I’ve done everything he wanted I miss him so much it kills me coming to me mums an me dad not being there

I’m also very sorry for your loss and I’m glad you have found some comfort in this site I do try an come on here.but I feel lost

Just be calm with these siblings - easier said than done - and state your case but if they start saying unkind things, do defend yourself with as much restraint you can. I am so sorry that you have had to face all this in the light of your loss which just adds insult to injury! I do wonder why things have to be so damn difficult in such a sad situation but when you read other people’s situations you must rest assured that you are not alone…but I know you feel it but people do read these posts and there are some horrid and unfortunate stories.
Try and enjoy your anniversary and congratulations! Is your mum being supportive or is she lost in her own grief? I am really thinking of you and just focus on your wellbeing bur again, easier said than done x

Not being supported really. My brother pops in most mornings my sister stays Friday and Saturday and I go round every day for most of the evening. She is lost she is confused and upset she was with my dad constantly for 52 years so it’s a total shock for her now. Her brain aneurysm dosnt help either. I’m doing the beat I can but cracks are starting to show