Im lost

I lost my dear mum and best friend on christmas eve 22. It was sudden and im feeling so overwhelmed.
On that day, i lost my mum in the morning and then my dad was taken into hospital in the afternoon. My dad was in intensive care but thankfully he pulled through. He was in the hospital for 12 days and i spent 8 hours a day there to be with him. He was discharged and came to stay with me and my husband to recover. We had the funeral last week. My dad will be staying with me until end of May as he needs eye surgery, and then going back to his own home.
I just feel totally overwhelmed. I dont feel i can have space to grieve.
Everyone around me seems to be carrying on as normal but i feel like im in a strange kind of limbo.
I feel so down and so sad. I feel beyond crying. Almost like the sadness is greater than tears. My mum was my best friend. She was 79 and we saw each other every day. I feel like i actually just want to run away from everything and hide. Is that normal?
Losing my mum is only the second time i have lost someone close to me. The first was my grandad when i was16. On top of all that i have a very old dog and she is fading away so im also trying to mentally prepare myself for losing her in the next month or so.

Hi Mrpandme,

I remember saying straight after my mum passed on Dec 30th that I wanted to run and run and never come back. I wanted to find a cave somewhere that no one knew and stay there for ever. I also wished that when my mum was in hosp with just a few days left to live that I could smuggle her out and take her with me somewhere where no one could find us. I would have done anything to keep her. So I understand how you are feeling.
You have been through so much. I am so glad your dad pulled through. I really am bless you .
Everyone deals with grief differently as I am told and like you I am noticing other people carrying on with their lives and I often think whats going on with them.
Emotionally it screws me up. Then I realise that we are all different. I am now just focussing on my own grief and my own wellbeing or whats left of it.
It is all so raw at the moment for us so we have to take small steps. I am just about getting through each day and survival is the name of the game. Sometimes i just sit in the chair or even stay in bed doing nothing at all. Sometimes i will just do one or two household things which gives me some sense of achievement. The days of multitasking have stopped me in my tracks with grief completely taking over every emotion going.
Am here for you if you ever need a chat
Deborah x

1 Like

Thank you. Its nice to know that what i am feeling is normal. Sometimes like you i feel like i want to do nothing but i have my father stayinh with me until he feels hes ready to go home
I have no idea how long that will be. I think months rather than weeks. This is probably because i seem to have slipped into mums shoes and i am doing everything for him. So its difficult for me to just take time to myself unless i go out somewhere.

Hi Mrpandme,

Try to get some alone time even in the house even if it is for 10mins. It will do you the world of good and you will be able to refresh your mind then and cope better.
Small steps now ok
Deborah x

Im so so sorry to here that.
I lost my wife to cancer last week we have 5 children been together for 23 yrs age 41 .
I feel so empty and angry at life in general. Its still raw she passed away in January 2023 .
Been with her since she was 18.
We had our life all planned stay together raise our children grow old together. That’s all we wanted .didnt bother anyone. Always loved staying in in hugs up on the sofa with our open fire. Watching television. Love our company then cancer came .she had battled a cardiac arrest before this.
She was doing so well then cancer came. She got diagnosed wrongly by a doctor saying it was reflux blotasion. I took her to a private hospital where they confirmed it was so far gone the cancer had spread so fast it was untreatable she had a fast Agresive tumour cancer she was given 8 weeks to live .
Youngest child 6 . Was going to lose her mummy i was angry heart broken. A family been ripped apart by cancer

Hi Roy,
Just read your post.Am heartbroken for you There are no words I can give to help you except keep posting on here whenever you want to There are such lovely people on here going through grief who will reply to you.I lost my mum Jan 30th after a five week illness and without this site I really don’t know what I would have done. It is such a horrible gut wrenching feeling of despair wondering how to cope etc. Your children need you more than ever now bless them. Take all the help you can with the children and helping to sort things out.Ask at the children’s school for help in supporting the children as they will help you as much as they can. The shock of everything that has happened is overwhelming
Keep posting
Deborah x

Thanks again.
Its very hard .
Takes time .
Feeling alone without her here miss the talks cuddles kisses and being here and being a mum