Well my wife passé away on the 14 Dec 2019. I’m sitting all alone with my thoughts and my heat is breaking I can’t seem to expect that I’m never ever going to see or hear my wife ever again never.To when does this fear end I’m so deverstated after being together over 30 years and never parted this pathway is difficult to walk as I keep stumbling.im exhausted I miss my wife so much
1 Like
Hi Peter
I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. We all, here, understand the devastation and pain you’re going through.
I lost my husband 26 months ago and I can promise you that, although the grief and pain doesn’t go away, it does soften a little over time. You learn to screw a mask on very tightly every morning and you learn to go on.
I know it seems impossible to you today and, I wont lie, there are always days when the grief fills you up so much it’s difficult to breathe, but, every now and then, you will find moments of peace.
It’s a very long, dark and lonely road that we have to walk and, yes, grief is exhausting, but please remember that you’re not alone and places like this are so helpful- when you think that you’re going mad, when you find yourself thinking, saying and doing things that you’d have thought insane Before, there’s always someone here who has said, thought and done the very same things, who understands in a way that no one who hasn’t gone through this nightmare could possibly do.
Take Care
Skywise
This is how I am feeling today, Skywise, I have a lump of lead inside me that will not go away. I am missing my Stan so much, I do not know where to put myself.
I am very sorry, Peter that you are feeling so bad, please God, this desperate feeling does not last forever.
MaryL
Thank you I need your words as I’m breaking my heart right now how I miss my wife I hope these tears help me make sense of such a deverstating hurt I always let the tears flow as I’m I all alone in my despair
Thank you for your kind words of support through this dark time
Dear Peter, how I ache for you, this horrible feeling of grief is so intense, isn’t it? My Stan passed away just over 4 months ago and I hurt more now than when I first found him, he had died whilst getting out of bed. Our children are being fantastic, but, they both live 80 miles away in opposite directions. Both of them ring me when they are able, I appreciate this very much, but it is not the same as having their dad by my side. I do hope that you will have some balm to smooth on your wounds, I know how you are feeling and my thoughts are with you.
Blessings,
MaryL
Oh Peter, I can feel your pain. I wish I could say something that would make you feel better but I dont really have any answers for you. All I can say is that it does start to get a little less devastating over time.
When I look back to the first year after I lost Clive, I can barely remember things that I did. I mean, I know I was going to work, feeding the cats and cleaning the house because those things got done, somehow. All I really remember of that first year is screaming and, literally, banging my head against the floor and walls - I was that mindless with the pain.
That first, intense pain has subsided now and my grief has settled into a constant ache - you know, that pain you have in your chest. Bob Dylan called it “a corkscrew through my heart” which is the best description I’ve found - that’s something I never knew Before, that grief is physically painful. But there are days, now, where I find that I’m . . . Peaceful. I’m starting to do things again - I go on holiday with friends, I’m learning guitar again (I’m even building a new guitar!) and these are helping me move forwards into a life that I didn’t want and that is, frankly, terrifying.
There will come a day, I promise you, when you will wake up and not cry, when you can sit in the sun and enjoy it and when you will laugh at something and not feel guilty (that happened to me just a few weeks ago). It’s these little things that you used to take for granted that you will now count as huge milestones.
Hugs
Skywise
Hello Peter, sending love…no words will take away your pain, but just know you’re not alone, and we all understand what you’re feeling. Just take each second at a time . Be gentle with yourself and make sure you’re eating and get some fresh air. This is a hard, bumpy road we tread, but it does lead somewhere…just keep going x
1 Like
Sorry to hear your news l am feeling the same my wife Peñny 
was diagnosed with Mets Breast Cancer passed away on 06 November 2019 Just 21 days after diagnosis Penny was 67 Years old GP was treating her for Sciatica That’s after I was diagnosed with Prostate cancer this time last year GP said I had piles wrong on both cases . We had been married for 48 wonderful years
Hi everyone 3 months today since my Beautiful Wife Penny Passed away from Mets Breast Cancer she didn’t know she had . Passed away 21days after diagnosis on the 06 November 2019 Was being treated for Sciatica by GP. That’s after I had been diagnosed with Prostate cancer this time last year GP told me I has piles. We were married for 48 wonderful years. Met Penny when she was 16 years old I was 19. Married Penny when she was 18 I was 21 on 5th June 1971. We lived 15doors from one another in the same road. Just feel so lost without her 
all the plans we made after my Treatment in June/July got no energy to do anything don’t see anyone now just seem to sit doors feeling totally lost and asking how this has happened life has become empty and cruel . Peñny will not see our grandson growing up . aged 3 and half years old when Penny left us They say times will be easier at the moment they feel as it’s getting harder each day she isn’t here. Just don’t want to get up in the morning days just seem long and mean nothing anymore Penny was my life my world we did everything together. I worked till I was 69. Now 70 we had no retirement together as I finished work I started feeling unwell in the September of 2018 Then at the beginning of 2019 told I had Prostate cancer then in October Penny collapsed in the bedroom taken to hospital and then diagnosed with Mets Breast Cancer. Just wondering what Penny is doing now just don’t want to be here myself missing Penny so much my heart goes out to all of you who are suffering loss as well Grief is Horrible and it herts .
1 Like
Hi Freddie
I’m so sorry to read your posts and I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
I, too, lost my husband very quickly after diagnosis so I know how hard it is, you don’t have time to process what they’ve told you before you have to deal with the loss of the most important person in your life. I felt like we were standing in the middle of a circle of people who were taking turns to whack us with a baseball bat:
WHACK! “Its cancer”
WHACK! “It’s inoperable "
WHACK! It’s terminal”
WHACK! “You’ve got 2 weeks left to live”
It’s taken me 2 1/2 years to start to come to terms with what happened but I’m slowly starting to carve out a life, it’s not what I ever imagined my life would be and there’s still a gaping hole where Clive should be, but it is a life of sorts. I know how impossible it seems to you now but one day you will start to look back at your memories of your life with your wife and they won’t tear you apart.
Hugs
Skywise
1 Like
Oh Freddie,
Your story has many simlarities to mine.
I lost my partner nearly 2 years ago, the shock of that day will be with me forever.
Like you we had no retirement together.
At times life is so very , very cruel.
I completely understand the lack of interest in life it all seems so meaningless when our loved one is no longer with us. I haven’t found time helps but all I can say if grief is different for everyone .
Wishing you well at thus sad time. Sadme
Peter my husband died suddenly on 6th December 2019, I feel the same as you. My life is in pieces. I miss him so much, I cry all the time, I feel ill and sometimes I want to die too, it is like a piece of your heart has been ripped out. I have no answers, I have love and support, I am having healing, going to spiritualist church and trying to keep busy. I hope time will make it a little easier but right now I am desperate. You are not alone, only someone who has gone through this will understand
Hi Mrsrocky So sorry for loss Penny’s Day of Celebration was the 5th December 2019. Yesterday it was 3 months that Penny left this World. Just can’t seem begin to do anything without her. Why do our love ones seem to leave us behind to face this horrible torture within our hearts. Mine feels I don’t have one anymore just aches from morning until night day in dad out. Penny was my life my world. When I met Penny my life changed. Penny brought Sunshine. Happyness. Love and a real meaning to life . That has now all gone life now just seems empty once more that sparkle has now been replaced with just darkness and grey clouds . My Sunshine has been replaced with a massive black hole that just leads nowhere just darkness. I know by the date it was only 3 months yesterday 06 February 2020 But is nothing like I have experienced before I don’t wish this on anyone . Life means nothing anymore. Just know how you are feeling . You become lost and the emptyness inside is unexplainable. xx
Hi Skywise I know what you are saying when Penny first went into Hospital there was hope that Penny would have Treatment. I know we faced a difficult and different way of Life but there was hope the specialist said she had a few Treatments planed. Then BANG things changed every quickly. After about a week Penny’s condition got worse each day to the extent Penny was unable to have that Treatment . Which left the heartache and pain that followed would not wise this on anyone. Personally at the moment I don’t care what the condition of my cancer is just want to be in My DARLING BEAUTIFUL PENNY’S Arms again at any cost. Love to you Skywise x
Hi mrsrock im really sorry for what your going through,it’s a sad and lonely place inside your head no logic no peace of mind just torment.I can only tell you how I’m coping I’ve allowed my feelings to run free and open I’ve cried me a river ( my sence of humour). I have not hid from the pain but let it express itself this seems to have helped me plus the excellent help from the community ( who I now class as friends) who helped from the very start of this journey and have been such a support.I have returned to work which the first week was very hard but it has got easier as my mind is not allowed to wander please be kind to yourself and try to smile at things that you know would make your husband laugh. This approach has helped me cope Yake care of yourself
1 Like
Thank you Peter, yes torment sums up how we feel. I also am lucky in having so much support but nothing makes up for my missing my wonderful husband. I am still crying those rivers!
Having a real bad day just feel physically ill and sick missing my Beautiful wife PENNY more a each day goes by feel as I am never going to get over this or begin to deal with her loss .Why my Penny had to have this Horrible desease Cancer. Cancer has no friends why was it not diagnosed in time to have Treatment . Like mine was . Just don’t know how Penny would had copied if I had Passed away and then be diagnosed herself Just don’t seem to get any help from GP or anyone . Never hear from Family Peñny said this would happen . Seems we where there all the time everyday for Friends and Family each day to make sure they ok . It’s like my life was meant to go down this road. All was seemed to get lost in the system. Phone helplines live. Messages never get back to you . Then block you when you need support.to get you though at the most difficult time in your life the loss of your wife to Cancer just after you are having Treatment for Cancer yourself. GP tells you he’s not a specialist then you go to the Hospital to see the same doctor who told you he can’t help . System needs changing round here. Just feel sorry for my Beautiful Penny she see a doctor who seemed to see a doctor who wanted to but unfortunately her condition had spread to far. He didn’t say he couldn’t help . Very difficult as doing this I am in tears at the moment just want to be with my Penny again I don’t want this life .life is cruel Penny was only 67 we had no retirement together . Sorry.
Hi Freddie. So sorry for your loss. Sounds very much like my lovely mum. Treated for back pain. Then she collapsed, after 4 days in hospital they told us she had metastasised cancer. She was so so ill and weak. She was coughing. They found a tumour in her lung. But it was not the primary. She passed away two days later after the diagnosis. So we never did find out where her primary cancer is. So so quick a blessing for her but not for us who are left behind. She was 70. My dad is so lost with out her. They would have been married 50!years this year. She died last August. Still a massive hole in my heart and life.
1 Like
It seems that there are some cancers they just don’t see.
Clive was back and forth to the GP for several years with pain in his side - the GP told him that it was muscular and to take ibuprofen. He did the bowel screening tests religiously and they never found a thing (We were later told by the consultant that they’re next to useless!). Then, suddenly, it’s metastasized cancer and he had a couple of weeks to live. It’s so hard to understand what happened. How could they have missed it for so long?
It’s been a bad day today. I’ve just been curled up on the sofa, wearing one of the jumpers I knitted for him and crying. He loved this jumper - I bought a couple of whole fleeces and washed them, carded them, spun the yarn and knitted it for him. He used to say that every time he wore it he felt like he was wrapped up in my love because of the work I’d put into it for him. I haven’t washed it since he last wore it so it almost feels like there’s a part of him still in it.
Sorry. Like I said, bad day.
2 Likes