I'm not ok! And neither is our son!

On 22nd of October I lost my husband and best friend to sepsis. He had man flu for a couple of days then on the Friday morning he came down stairs covered in sweat, dazzed and confused. And ambulance arrived within 30 minutes he was taken to hospital, I took our boy to school and went to see him. When I got there he was being assessed and had already been put on iv antibiotics. We talked he told me he loved me and I think I said it back (I can’t remember) I left him for 1 hour when I got back he had coded and was on his way to icu. By lunch time the next day he was gone!
Since that day I’ve been asked a million times are you ok? Is our 4 year old son ok? We are not ok! I’m literally falling apart mentally, emotionally and physically. Our son is heart broken missing his daddy scared that mummy is going to leave him. He’s having nightmares and acting out. I don’t know how to help him and I don’t know how to help myself! We have to get through his funeral this week and it feels like we are being put on a stage and watched by everyone to see how we cope. And I already know its going to be the hardest day of our lives we don’t need the spectators.

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Hi so very sorry for your loss my heart goes out to you.I am a widow and lost my only son earlier this year.No I will never be ok.Its hard for people to know what to say they ask if you are OK knowing you are not.They also know there is absolutely nothing they can do to take your pain away.You just have to get through each day and carry on as best you can for your little fella that’s all you can do now.I have neither hubby or child I get up each day to miss them all over again and manage not sure how to get through till bed time .I can only send you love and hugs and to your little fella too.I am sure he will be the one that helps you through as you will him xxxxx

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I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
My son is much older but for my husband’s, his dad’s, funeral we just had the service at the crematorium and only invited immediate family back to the house. It felt a bit mean as lots of people came to the funeral, but I didn’t want my son having to make small talk with people he didn’t know. On the Order of Service I just added that we would like some private family time.
I hope this helps. {hugs} xx

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