I recently read this and thought how apt it is
‘And then the day began and I went through it, a smiling, charming automation so filled with grief and loneliness and no idea what I was doing and no one, no one at all could have begun to guess the depth of my misery and how my life seemed utterly devoid of any kind of purpose whatsoever’
Sending love and strength to you all x
How very true that is xx
Don’t ever be afraid to say NO I’m not ok but be prepared to explain so that person knows it .
I’ve found my friends now get it with me , good friends stand by you but also look out for your friends, it’s nice to give them something back , ask how they are , how they are feeling they lost a big friend in my Mandy , they are suffering too . Your friends will thank you for asking .
I want to be ok but fear I won’t ever be now , I thought I was that superman , doing so well but as time ticks by I’m understanding that it’s gonna never be the way it was, she is never coming back .
So what do I do now ? Do I regress or just go through it and hope? As many do.
I want to be positive, I want to find a companion again in time or whenever . I don’t want 54 to signal the end of me , if such a decent soul and I want to have a cuddle again . Accepting I’m never going to get that cuddle off Mandy is quite a horrific thought but it’s here , it’s horrific already .
I’ve 2 good friends both female who know EXACTLY what I’m feeling , I tell them , they listen but can’t solve or fix this , it won’t ever be fixed despite me crying for it to be . I know 1 of these friends will 100% have my back no matter what , she will be here if ever I need her , I’m very lucky to have these friends in my life .
My family don’t get it, my sons don’t get it , they try but aren’t old enough to understand what their dad is going through , they are 26 and 28 and have young lives , they have been caring but are now back to just fleetingly checking on me which I get .
I get my cuddles from my friends , my family of friends, if I didn’t have them I fear I would do something silly . I’m rambling now , I’m not okay I want to be .
I know exactly how you feel.
My friends and family have been fantastic but it is not enough.
We are all changed forever and you will never be the the person that you were before your soulmate died.
4 months of counselling and I feel worse than the day she drew her last breath 10 months ago.
However, she made me promise that I would not fall apart a couple of days before she died or she would haunt me.
Stay strong to honour the memory of your loved one.
We only have 2 choices.
Mate I read her letter she wrote me all the time , what she wanted me to do , instructions for her boy and asking me to sort the house out in whatever fashion I wanted as she couldn’t make a decision quick enough so nothing got done bless her .
I’d have her indecision moments back in a flash , if I could swap places I say I would because she was the most sweetest person but I know the grief she’d be in and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone tbh.
Exactly.
We are all with you.