I'm not okay

People ask me if I’m okay, I say yes but I’m not.


Of course you’re not ok Camembert. You’ve clearly lost someone very precious to you and you’re world has turned upside down.
I lost my soul mate nearly 4 months ago and don’t know if I’ll ever be ok. All I can say is that it does get a little better, I’m inching my way forward but still very tearful and despairing. Beginning to look after myself, eating better, now able to leave the house for a walk.
Everyone on here is feeling the same. It’s a very good site as we all try to support one another as we all know how it feels.
Let me know if you would like a chat.



I get asked the same all the time I just get so upset trying to reply.Have to walk away ,makes me not want to go out

It’s the same for most of us, we get asked all the time how we are. I’m unsure if the people that ask expect us to answer honestly. It’s 6 months today since my husband died suddenly and I’ve started to think people around me are getting a bit bored of me not being ok.
I look ok on the outside. I’m working, I go out with friends and family so I look like I’m coping. Underneath I feel worse than I did in the beginning as I know this is my life now and I don’t like it. It’s not what I want but I have no choice. So I smile and say that I’m doing ok.


I do the same lv annie x

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Hello Camembert

I’m a volunteer with Sue Ryder so thought I’d contact you to say we are here to help and are glad you reached out on here.

Your post was brief but said so much. How are you doing really, and do you need to speak to someone? We have a free counselling service and a self help page, the contacts are below.
To register for counselling

Grief Self Help platform which talks about some of the feelings that you’re experiencing. You can find it here: https://selfhelp.sueryder.org

This may not be the time you wish to try either of those options but do write again, I see you’ve already had support from others who are going through their own pain and yet have still reached out to you.

I hope this has helped a little, meanwhile I send you my deepest sympathies.


I was the same and found it difficult to leave the house.
Unless you know people well it’s very difficult to say anything other than “I’m okay thanks”
Most people have no idea how painful and disorientating it is to lose someone you love.
Things will slowly become easier. We never fully heal from our loss but we learn how to carry on with life with them in our hearts.


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Same for me too . How can we ever be okay again when the person we love most in the world isn’t here anymore ? I suppose people mean well but its a ridiculous question. Take care.
Love Angie xx

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I’ve decided I’m going to tell people I’m not okay, true friends will stay.


That’s good, and you’re right the ones who remain with you are the good friends.

Thinking of you x

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I do as well :sob:

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When people ask me I just say not too bad. The people close to me understand so they are the ones to share real feelings with. X

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I do exactly the same, you pretend to friends everything is ok, but it’s not.

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I never say “ I’m ok”

I say I’m shit

Honestly they just don’t realise until they realise


I’m with you Glenn, I got tired of saying “I’m okay” it just felt so meaningless. I usually say “doing my best” or “I’m trying.” I realise people don’t know what to say to me at times, I know in the past I have probably asked the same thing to others so understand they are asking out of concern.
They can’t feel the love you had for Mandy or the pure grief you have, hopefully they never will.
I am attempting to think more positive, (with limited success) I would love to get to a mindset where I can think of my Ca and smile at the memories.
Joe x

Hi Camembert
I also find that I am using the socially acceptable answer when asked how am I doing - “I’m ok or I’m fine” when really I want to shout no I’m not ok, my husband I died , I’m lonely, I’m overwhelmed with all the things I am having to do on my own. But I never do as I don’t want to upset people, I don’t want them to worry or feel awkward.
I think many of us on this site are putting on brave faces and going through the motions to give the impression that we are ok but behind the facade it’s a totally different picture and we are quietly falling to pieces. Sending love and hugs to you xx


For some reason the song ‘Tears of a Clown’ keeps going through my mind, smiling but inside I’m drowning in my tears. It’s five months today, how I hate Saturdays, the day he passed away on.


I soo feel you… saturdays… im not ok… whats the point? Everyone on here have captured all that we arr feeling… its a shame it still feels surreal and we still left wanting…

Yes we all put a face on when we go out. I don’t think I will ever be ok but I wear that face as much as possible but let it all out when I am at home. Keeping busy helps so I have started volunteering in a couple of community cafes and that gets me out and about. People definitely don’t understand until it happens to them but its not their fault. proper friends will support you but they might need it explaining


Gosh, I have only just found this site p, I lost my best friend and wife aged 50, 5 months ago, and although I am back at work, everyone asks how I am and I say ok.

I am far from ok, it hurts every day, but only a few times have I actually said I’m really not ok. 🥲

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