I only lost my husband last week so I’m still right at the start of this. We didnt have children and all of my siblings have died. Although his family are being very good I feel so alone. I cant imagine my life without him. I’ve done ok up to today but now its awful. He had cancer for nearly 3 years and I went to every appointment and treatment with him then cared for him when treatment stopped. He was only 67 and I’m 61. I feel so guilty that I couldnt keep him alive. I dont know what to do.
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@Kaytoo I’m so sorry for you’re loss I feel exactly the same as you I lost my partner of 25 years at home in February I’m 47 he 59 I feel so incredibly lost & alone and 3 months after I lost my little brother it’s so incredibly hard 
sending you strength and a hug.
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So sorry for your loss.
Sending strength & hugs xx
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I am so sorry for your loss.Cancer is so cruel, it takes no hostages,and when it strikes there is nothing you can do . My son with special needs died of secondary bone cancer last year. I thought I was doing ok , then yesterday watching east Enders , when Amy was going in the ambulance she said am I going to die. That is what my son said to the doctor about a week before he died . The young doctor was very good with him,and just said no you won’t just at this moment . He seem to take that answer and just went back to watching TV . We loved him with all our hearts , and I am sure he is watching over us.
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I’m so pleased, if thats the right word, that I’ve joined here. I’m so sorry that we’re all going through this but I feel less alone now.
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Kay too it’s what we all find. Only here can you be with others who really get what you’re going through. It helps to know you’re not alone and things you experience are shared by others, thinking of you
I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to a cancer too in March. I still think I could have done more and better to keep him alive longer. But then, I am not sure if he would have been happy to prolong his end-stage.
I received this booklet called Grief Journey from a funeral director, which I found helpful. You can see a few videos and read articles of the author here (https://griefjourney.com/) for free of charge. Very sadly, your grief journey has just started, and I hope it will help at some point.
Please take care of yourself. You are not alone here in this community.
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Hi Kaytoo,
please dont feel guilty it wasnt your fault. Being on here is one of the best things you can do, we all know how you feel, please feel free to chat whenever you want to. Sending love and hugs to you xxx
The thing that’s getting to me most at the moment is the silence when people leave after visiting. I dont watch much tv and I don’t really like the radio. The silence in the house is just so loud, it’s deafening. Is that the same for everyone and if so how do you get through it?
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I absolutely hate that the most it’s horrible
Martin didnt make a lot of noise when he was alive but his silence is awful. I’m glad I’m not the only one who hates it. At the moment I don’t know if what I feel is normal for most people or if its just me. Its still so new.
Hello Kaytoo,
Ive been in the same place, im just over 8 weeks. My lovely partner died of Leukaemia after 15 months of the most painful treatment, like you i was with him all the very way, right up until his last breath. You have definitely taken the right step coming here, joining people in the very same place where you find yourself.
We all feel your pain, we have been there, grief is the cost we pay for the love we had.
Take every day, step by step. Right now you just want the person you cant have, Fll the silence, get back to normal. But darling there will only be a new kind of normal. But you will only figure that in time.
I was with my Partner for 23 years, and there is never a day i wished it was longer, right now i would just settle for one more hello.
We are all here for you, xxx
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Thank you all.
@Kaytoo I’m so sorry for your loss. As you say it is very early days. I can only say take it one day at a time and do as much (or little) as you feel capable of doing.
For me it will be 8 months next week. I can’t believe i’ve got this far. I miss him everyday, and talk to him all the time.
This is a fantastic place. Lots of support. Read, join in, do what works for you.
Sending you hugs.