I'm sad and I'm angry and I just hurt

My brother and brother-in-law were killed by a drunk driver. They were two of my best friends, with me being especially close to my brother (we could talk about literally anything, and we did). It’s been months and I still just feel so much grief that sometimes it feels like a physical weight on my chest, and I get so angry at the person who hit them. The man who held such callous disregard for the lives of others that he was doing double the speed limit while incredibly intoxicated. I know it doesn’t benefit me to hold on to that anger, but it’s so hard not to. Part of me just wants him to feel what I’m having to feel… just having to deal with immeasurable grief but still go about your days. Go to work. Go out with friends. See family. Put it out of your head so you don’t break down crying because the restaurant plays your brother’s favorite song. Pretend not to want to scream at someone when you overhear them talking about a time they drove while “tipsy” as though it’s a joke. It’s so hard and I hate it.

Hi Erin, really sorry to hear your story, its one of the most difficult times in our lives, we all recognise that, with all the emotions it brings with it. You are quite right, hanging on to that anger is doing you harm, that driver doesn’t think about you, possibly he doesnt give the whole episode any thought.
Forgiveness is the only way, incredibly difficult though that is.
Have you started working on it? I just had a quick browse of google, and dropped on a site, the Forgiveness Project which seems to try to help people in your situation. I cant recommend it, because I’ve never done it, but I hope it might be a starting point for you.
Good luck, look after yourself.

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Erin sorry I’m just seeing how fresh this is. What an awful thing to happen. I’m so sorry. Anger is normal- so normal. It can be all consuming but is part of the process. I just wanted to say I struggled with this too. I ended up seeking a therapist on his 1st anniversary as I knew I was stuck. It helped a lot, sounds like you lost, like me, the one person that would have helped you process. Me too. My brother was a counselor too/ the one I bloody needed. I’m here for chat in DM if you need to scream, rant or cry. Big hugs