So I have had a lot of issues for many years in counselling because life is just to hard right now. Anyway last month my father died and I am at a complete loss as I didn’t like him I hadn’t seen him for 17 years so when I heard the news I was okay however after attending his funeral yesterday I am literally full of so much sadness regret anger hurt pain I’m absolutely drowning.
I’m sorry to hear about the death of your father and how it has affected you. It is natural for you to grieve and feel regret, even if you didn’t have a close relationship when he was alive - sometimes people in these sorts of situations find that they are grieving for the relationship as they feel it should have been, and for the fact that this will not now be possible.
Here are some other posts on this site where people have written about the death of someone they were estranged from - perhaps it might help you to have a read and see what other people’s experiences were:
Owl posted Death of my estranged father
Louise73 posted I will never get answers now
TJW posted Dealing with estranged father’s death
It’s important to give yourself a chance to grieve and have an outlet for your emotions, so I’m glad you’ve been able to write some of it down here. It’s good that you are in counselling, as it will be helpful to be able to discuss this with your counsellor, too.