I lost my husband in April. I find weekends intolerable and just sit and cry. I can’t stay home through the day as he is not there but when i go out i see happy couples and I feel so much pain thinking about what should have been. He was 58 and we had so many plans. The family seems to have moved on and rarely contact me ( unless they need a babysitter ) which adds to my isolation.
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I know how you feel I feel the same my beautiful husband was also a young 58 I have this beautiful young man looking at me he will always be 58 It is 9 weeks for me every day is the same wake up crying crying through the day talking to people when on dog walk he makes me get out they don’t understand how are you they say tears coming out my eyes I say stupid things like getting there not too bad just to make them feel better come home just fully break down I just want my husband please just for a day would be nice. My children are busy with their lives they babysit me at a weekend that’s what it feels like having to have mum come for lunch we used to host everyone . I’m lonely angey upset scared of the future the thought of years ahead no way do I want that keep having silly accidents nothing big but Simon would look after me or I wouldn’t be doing the jobs anyway he looked after me god I miss him soo sorry if you feel this pain it hurts
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I’m so sorry you are going through this too its the most unimaginable pain isn’t it.? I talk to him constantly and convince myself he is with me, absolute madness i know but the emptiness i feel is just so overwhelming. I hope we learn to live with the emptiness and loneliness in time
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@Penguin1 and Maxandlala2,
I am very sorry to read about your husbands, and the grief you are suffering. I am 4 weeks in today having lost my soulmate, best friend, you name it Sally was everything to me, my whole being, and always gave me this cloak of protection over me. When Sally was dying she said to me you will be ok, you are strong, … little did she know how dependent I was on her, for everything in particular that bit of reassurance. If I had challenges in work, I would talk them over with her when I got home, and everything seemed to turn out fine I still talk to her when I am in the house as though she is there but its I miss the responses , the chats and the little hugs of comfort she have me. . I don’t have that anymore, and the grief /pain is insufferable. I am lucky I have a couple of friends in the village who were Sallys friends really but they keep in touch and I am lucky. Since the funeral last week everyone else has gone to ground apart from these friends and two of my brothers but they live in Ireland which is a long way from here. I really feel I am on autopilot, and get reminders at every turn that make me burst into tears at the loss. Even as I write this I am in tears. It really is unbearable most of the time but I have to convince myself that it will become manageable with time otherwise what is the point. Big hugs to you both.
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Hi Nedh
Its 8 weeks on Thursday for me feels like it’s been years since I still had my Brian with me to hug and cuddle up to. He had colon cancer stage 4 given two and half years, but only managed 5 and bit months
He was so weak in the month or so before he died, couldn’t even walk .This was a very fit man doing Bootcamp fitness 3-5 times a week not bad for a 74 year old he looked and behaved like 60 no body believing his age.
Right now I’m sitting in the car crying again begging for him to come back. Autopilot is definitely how I feel I just walk around not knowing what to do with so many hours in the day. Or I’m driving and crying not a great combination .Just so lost and lonely. .I have a daughter and Grandchildren but I’m sorry to say I just want to be with Brian. I’m so sorry for your loss, Do you have any children close by?
I’ve been to a couple of bereavement cafe
really can’t believe that I’m suddenly going to these places didn’t even know they existed. The weekend are so lonely and I can’t stand being in the flat without Brian
Just seems so dark like the light has gone out. Sending a Hug. Jo
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Hi Jo,
I am so sorry for your loss and grief too. I am looking out for bereavement groups and bereavement cafes which like you I never knew they existed and I also feel like we are outside general society like outcasts (I know we are not but it feels like that because we are in a group that we did not ever sign up for and that nobody would wish to be a part of willingly) and I suppose when I can get my head around that and accept that this is it , then maybe at some point it becomes more manageable, I have a step son who lives about 1/2 hour away but he has his own demons to sort out, both he and his on/off/on/off partner are toxic to each other due to alcohol. My step daughter lives 2.5 hours away but we speak every day which is great. I am luck with a couple of friends in the village but I am conscious I don’t want to over stay my welcome with them. Being Irish the my brothers live in Ireland but hope to go there in a couple of weeks.
I am back at work today for the first time and all was going well until one of my colleagues stuck her head around the door and asked “how are you coping today” it was very kind but I could not speak and when she went back out I burst into floods of tears. Oh it must get more manageable with time. I pick up the ashes later this week or early next and that gives me an incredible cramp in my stomach at the thought, even though I know it is the next phase. My brain is really struggling to accept even though I read the order of service card each day and see her date of birth and date of death on it there is a part of me that does believe it is real, but it is very real as we all know, It becomes all consuming, numbing and crippling but that is what I must face up to , accept and live with. Thank you for your support , not sure what I would do without this community, Returning a big hug to you.
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@Penguin1 , so sorry for your loss. My wife was 59 when she died in January and I can’t believe that all the hopes and dreams we had for the future are gone. I’ve never felt so bereft.
A few weeks after she died I met up with a friend who had lost her husband a few years before - they were similar ages to us. It was really helpful talking to someone who had been down this path, mostly because she didn’t sugarcoat anything or throw platitudes at me. She warned me that I would find seeing happy couples really hard and that it would not be unusual to see people together and find myself getting irrationally angry at them for living when my wife had died. So I think what you’ve experienced when you’ve been out is not unusual.
I have been lucky that friends, family, neighbours and ex-work colleagues have rallied around. I still feel isolated and alone - and a lot of the time I want them to go away and leave me to my misery - but I do appreciate their support.
The people who have been most helpful are those who have been through similar grief and share their experiences. It’s a bit like this community but talking in person just seems to create a better emotional connection. Have you thought about seeing if there is a grief support group near you?
Hi Ned
I do understand your situation fully. My family live in Lancashire and I live in Lincolnshire. I have a stepson who lives in Warwickshire but he was not that close to his Dad or me. I have some good friends and they have been great but I feel so very lonely even in their wonderful company. I try to find things to distract me but even the simplest of tasks is sometimes too much.
Please message me if you feel that would help
Hugs — how we both wish they were actual ones from our loved ones
Kate
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Hi thanks for the reply, ive looked for a bereavement cafe but unfortunately the nearest one is quite a distance from me, i live in a very rural area. I do find reading the posts on this site helpful though. You are right about feeling anger i look at couples with great envy and irrational anger that its not me and my husband out and about i just want the pain to stop
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Hi Nedh
It does feel a bit like we are outcast, definitely a group nobody wants to join
I have only been to a couple of the Cafes
everyone is friendly but I can’t get my head around that this is something I’m going to at the moment. As I’m writing this in my head there’s a voice that keeps saying it can’t be true Brian can’t really be gone.
I miss him so much not a clue how to keep going. It’s good you’re close to your stepdaughter .my daughter and grandchildren only live about 20 mins away. Probably see them once a week but even then I feel lonely as its now just me
Before I would pop in for a cuppa then back home to Brian. I’m sorry about your stepson that must’ve be very difficult for your wife to see. Which part of Ireland are you from?Brian Dad was born in kerry I think not sure about his mum .Brian was born in London. They would go back each summer to the farmhouse. I don’t know what’s happening about his ashes as he’s got 3 Grown up children so it’s got to be decided by all of us. Saying those words I feel my heart is breaking again but then its never going to mend 
. How the hell did this happen so quickly he was still exercising in November .I just want him back. Sometimes it’s worse when people ask how you are Pretty much every time i just break down. I didn’t realise I had so many tears. I need to try and get back to working , self employed so kinda up to me
But need the money .What’s your Job ?
Sending another Hug. Jo
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Your words resonate with me. I lost my partner just over 3 months ago and have been trying to get on with ‘life’ but it seems to be getting harder rather than easier. I had never planned to do this without him and everything just seems so pointless without him.
I’m at a point now where I want to shut everyone else out as i’m just not interested.
Mondays seem to be the worst for me now. The start of another pointless week and having to get through another 5 days of work
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Hi Kate
Thanks for your very supportive words and for the offer of a message, which I may take you up on . Its amazing how lonely we can be even in the nicest of company.
Big hugs back to you
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Hi Jo
I run a small chemical company in the midlands, how about you what do you do
I agree with you in terms of volume of tears, just can’t believe where it all comes from but better out than in is an old irish saying which I guess is all part of the healing process.
Big hug back to you
Hi Nedh
I rent a table space in a farm in Hertfordshire selling vintage bits and pieces. I used to buy old furniture and paint
It and sel
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So sorry, I am going through the same. My husband was only 45 years old, he died suddenly, not expected. Well I have some close friends and family and 2 daughters, but I am feeling so alone. So confused about the future, don’t know what to do, how to cope. And yeah, the only person which would make my pain go away is my husband.
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I am also in 4 weeks and I still cry every day. Miss my husband every second of every day. Just feeling so sad, so numb, sometimes angry. And just don’t know how will I live without him. It really is unbearable pain. 
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Hi Nedh
Sorry pressed send too soon
I rent a table space in a farm with a tearooms, in Hertfordshire selling vintage bits and pieces. All very pretty, used to buy old furniture and paint it but not very practical as we only have a two bedroom flat for me to work from. In the past I’ve had a shop and a tearooms and worked in pubs cooking. .Not that I’ve done anything for the last 6 months as being with Brian all the time for appointments and just staying close to him making sure he was happy and eating lots of healthy food. I miss his hugs and cuddles he was very much one for hugging. I’M just lost and certainly not eating healthy mostly junk food. Which I’ve not eaten in years but I really can’t be bothered to think about what I eat. I went to a pub last night to a group that’s for people on their own, I think it just makes me feel even worse going to these places, they were friendly but I just felt more lonely. And crying all the way back to the flat.
Brian wouldn’t need to do anything like that if he was left. Because he’d have the Rugby Club and Bootcamp fitness group.
Plus his children and my daughter and all his grandchildren. He wouldn’t have been on his own. I know he’d be very sad and heartbroken and lonely at night and miss me very much and what we had. I have never lived on my own .Married at 18 then we had our Daughter my husband and I broke up, I met Brian we lived together for 28 years . I get on very well with my ex-husband . Take care Jo
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Hi Jo
you are obviously talented , I wouldn’t know where to start when it comes of restoration of old furniture. I wish you success when you find the courage to restarting your business. Remember what great gifts you have to be able to do what you do. Many of us(me) just don’t possess such gifts as you.
best
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Hi Nedh
Thanks but it’s certainly not restoration just painting some old furniture. I would not have a clue about restoration. I used to enjoy it. Not really painted anything for a few years. Right now finding it difficult even think about a future without Brian .
Hugs
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So sorry for your loss.
I lost my husband Sept 22 no warning he was 67.
From my limited experience i think unless you have been through this you have no comprehension of what it feels like.
I have found some friends disappointing also, but others unexpectedly very caring.
I think at the end of the day it’s about finding a way to navigate this horrible time. But have no answers. Take care
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