After the loss of my parents I never got over that and never will but my brother he was only staying with me at Christmas I lived about 5 minutes away he was looking forward to starting his new life in his bungalow the money he did have was spent on decorating the bungalow out he left my house on the 13th and I found him on the 19th it’s sad that he never got the chance to start his new life I cry myself to sleep every night and as soon as I wake up I really miss him I didn’t realise how much he missed my parents we both had mental health problems my mother and father done everything for us I wish I had more time and new how bad the loss of my parents had on him I can’t stop blaming myself if I could have got his medication or if he got it he could be still hear I haven’t got children as I was two scared to love as I lost the two people I ever loved now my brother I have really bad depression and anxiety my brother always helped me now I feel so alone I find it hard to talk on the phone my life is really not worth living I would have swapped my life for his in a heart beat
@Poppyp I’m really sorry to hear about your parents and brother. It’s understandable to be struggling, losing the two people you loved most is the most difficult thing to go through. I’m hearing how much pain you’re feeling. You’re not to blame at all. You’ve been brave posting here and you’re not alone 
.
Are you getting much support for your anxiety and depression at the moment?
You mentioned that talking on the phone is difficult for you, phone calls can be tricky. I’ve listed below some organisations if you’re looking for email and text support outside of the community:
- The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s on your mind. You can email jo@samaritans.org.
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
- Stay Alive App - is an app that offers useful information to help you stay safe. It’s available on Android, Apple and Desktop.
- Cruse - they offer a range of support options such as a helpline, email support, and online live chats.
I hope these are helpful. Keep posting here whenever you need to 
I lost my brother just over 2 and half years ago, he had a alcohol problem brought on from a tough life, we didn’t get on when we were younger but over the last 20 years we became best friends and would spend most of our spare time together.
3 days before his death we were helping my sister to move house and when he turned up he complained of chest pains and pins and needles in his left arm, we dismissed it as being down to his drink problems and carried on like nothing was wrong, half way through the day I noticed him sat on the stairs looking really sad but I didn’t even go over to him then when he left we said our goodbyes and that I would come see him at the weekend like normal.
Unfortunately I never got the chance to go and see him again because he died in his sleep 3 days later of a heart attack.
Had I taken him to the hospital he would almost definitely still be here. We was staring to get his drink problem under control and was getting back to the person I knew before the drink.
So I know how it feels to feel deep guilt that I didn’t help, i.also feel guilty when having fun that he is missing out because of me or sadness that I’m not having the fun with him.
Mornings are always the worst when you wake up and realise that you have to go through another whole day without them.
But I can promise it does get slightly easier a tiny little bit every day it will never be 100 better and some days you will feel as though you can’t carry on but you can and will.
I often visit where we scattered his ashes and just sit and watch the sun go down and have acry.
If you feel the need message me for a chat
Mike
Thanks for getting back to me I haven’t been getting help at the moment I was trying to get help for my brother since 2019 but nothing happened I seen my brother every day I just wish I could have done something when he finally got a doctor’s appointment he got a flu jab but I didn’t see any insulin In his bungalow the only time I didn’t see him was that weekend I sore him on the Friday he had his friend and his friend wife go on the Saturday I really wish I never let him leave my house untill all this was over I should have new I cry myself to sleep every night and when I wake up he always looked after me a lot we ware both lost since the loss of my parents I didn’t realize how much it affected him I miss him so much I have been looking on this site for a while but couldn’t find my self to right anything Thanks for taking the time to right back to me thank again 
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Well the coroner got into yesterday my brother death is due to natural causes due to diabetes had taken his medication we couldn’t get his medication because he needed a review I can’t stop thinking if I had of took him to hospital or even kept on at the receptionists at the doctor’s he may still be hear I’m all over did I miss something he was fine till he got that flu shot I couldn’t see a difference in my brother until the flu shot but he passed away a couple’of of days I’m still trying to get help with my mental health since the last one left I’m devastated I still cry every morning I don’t know if I missed something I have to live with that I’m getting the paperwork to register his death in a couple’of of days it’s so sad he wàs looking forward to his new life in his new home he was 57 
It is truly devistating most mornings I feel like rubbish and often I start crying for no reason other then miss my brother and dad, no one can truly understand how you feel unless they have been through the same but even then everyone is different and feel differently.
I will say it does hurt less as time goes on but I don’t think it ever stops hurting completely, I’ve started to learn that I just have to live for the times that it doesn’t hurt and battle through the hard times
As for did you miss something and would he be alive if you had done something differently I ask myself the same question every day and always come up with the same answer and that is that we will never know 100 percent maybe if you had taken him to the doctor’s there’s no guarantee that they would of treated him and he would still be alive. I know the pain your feeling and it truly is should destroying.
Mike