I'm so lost

Hello guys,

This is all abit new to me. But I need to talk, I recently lost my dad to lung cancer a few weeks ago. He passed just before I was on a 3 week long shut down at work and my head’s still just as much as a mess as the day he passed. I’m due to go back to work on Monday but I honestly don’t think I can, I work for an agancy and I’m scared to ask them if I can take a few extra weeks to grive and get my head straight and to try and sort the rest of dad’s estate out as we have been off for 3 weeks allready because of the summer shutdown I’m scared I’ll lose my job of which my dad was so proud of me for getting.

Dad’s funeral is on Thursday and I have been sorting his estate and still have alot to do with them as thier not straight forward as some of you may know. For him to ask me to sort his estate was a huge honour and I really do hope I’m doing him proud. Sorting things like this is triggering things in my head which may sound silly but just changing the gas and electric into my mum’s name felt like I was deleting him from the house. And it ruined me and still does thinking about it I can’t sake that feeling.

Worst part of all this for me is that my wife is pregnant and my son won’t get meet his amazing grandad.

To me my dad was my best friend, my dad and the one I looked up to the most. He has taught me everything I know and still to the day he passed was still teaching important life lessons he was the most selfless man I’ve ever known and I’m not sure how to go on without him anymore.

Thanks for reading guys it means the world



Dear @Martyn279

Welcome to the Community. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your dad.

Talking is good and gets it all out of your system. I would book an appointment with your GP to see if they can sign you off due to Bereavement and see what support they can give you.

Your dad sounds like a wonderful man and he would want you to carry on for your families sake. Sue Ryder has a useful Grief Guide on understanding and coping with bereavement and grief which may be of help to you.

Please continue to reach out and take care.


sorry for your loss. it is a tough one. I would tell work this is hitting you much harder than you expected and how much extra time could they possibly offer you. :gift_heart: negotiate an amount fair to you and them

Hello @Martyn279 I just wanted to say sorry about your dad, and I know just how you feel sorting through his estate and putting utilities etc in your mum’s name. I did the same for my mum 8 years ago when my dad died and, as you describe, it felt awful, like I was deleting him. But if you try and see it as it really is and how your dad would have looked at it, it’s really a very practical and necessary thing , to look after your mum and make things so much easier for her. I think your dad would not only be proud but very relieved to know how well you are helping your mum and saving her from these tasks. For me now, I try to see it not so much as deleting someone, but helping them to hand over their tasks to someone else, and helping them to keep everything running smoothly, when they can no longer do it themselves. Its still hard on you of course, but try to remember that it’s really a very loving and necessary thing that you’re doing, for both your parents.

Don’t push yourself too hard, talk to your employers, im sure they would want to know and it may be they can help suggest a way forward. Maybe after the funeral things will ease a little too. Thinking of you, and your mum. Your dad will always be a best friend to you, and it sounds as though you will have many happy stories to tell your son.

Take care,

Thank you @Peppers

@Stardust Thank you so much for your kind words it does help and maybe your right I’m hoping things do ease after the funeral. Right now I’m so anxious about it.

Thank you @berit I’ve spoke to them now and you have helped

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I’m sure it’ll be ok, there will be a lot of people wanting to make sure it goes well for all of you and for your dad. You don’t have to carry it all alone though, just look after yourself, your mum and your wife now, and let them look after you too. There’s comfort in feeling united, even in grief. Wishing you all the best,