Im just so sad. I lost my Dad in Spain on boxing day. He had been in hospital for 3 weeks with an anurism. He got a hospital infection which put his operation off for 3 weeks. Everything was exasperated by the fact i had no Spanish but i live in Scotland and was away from my family and friends. It was all a bit of a nightmare. 3 days after a huge operation of over 5 hours to correct the anurism he was sent home with a catheter and nappies. No sfter help is offered in Spain it is just lucky that we knew a girl who is a carer and she agread to help us. Two days after he came home my father became very ill with what we know now was sepsis. Ambulance took over 4 hours to appear and we waited 5 hours in hospital before he was given a bed. I was sent home and the phone rang 3 hours later to telk me he had died. I feel so guilty that i wasnt there but i wasnt allowed to stay. My Mum had died of dementia 4 years earlier and i was there when she died peacefully at home. My poor Dad had a terrible end and i will always feel guilty about that. Will i ever feel any better? People tell me it takes time but im feeling worse as time passes. Does everyone feel like this?
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad, @heather2460. Lots of our members will identify with your feelings of guilt and you are not alone.
I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” - I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts.
Thanks for your kind reply. I was having a bad night last night. My husband is away for a few days and i always seem to feel worse when im alone.
Hi heather,
I understand what you are going through, It been hard for me since my mom passed away, I feel guilty as anything when I lost my mom suddenly due to cardiac arrest and I wasn’t talking to her for few months before coz I was going though alot in my career, its been 6 months but still I feel weak every single day. All I can say be kinder to yourself, practice some kind of mindfulness if its comfortable. Not hear to force you for anything. Sending hugs and strength. And I hope you have some around you to support you?
Thanks Varum
It is really hard. I suppose we should all try to be a bit kinder to ourselves. I know my Dad would’nt like to think i was being hard on myself and im sure your Mum would be the same. Its good to know that im not the only one as sometimes i wonder how others deal with it. Its only been 4 months for me but it feels like years. I hope it gets easier eventually. People have told me this but at the moment it feels unlikely.
We are all in the same boat, for me it will be close to 6 months now, there are days when you are out and engaged it feels it gets better but the moment you are alone it troubles you, I am sure you understand grief better then me and ik the guilt part is something we both are experiencing for the first time. If there are some days it gets difficult for you do reach out to me or even the community, it just feels lighter.
Thank you so much Varun
It feels better to talk to people who understand. Your kind words mean a lot. The same goes for you, if you are looking for an ear i will always listen.
it was not your fault your father lived in a foreign country, which apparently complicated things. once you are dealing with vast distances, all situations become much harder. I know this from experience. this was a defining factor and no fault of yours. some ends are awful. lost both my mother and father and was with them so I know. some of these things are beyond our control. I am so very sorry. I know how awful it is. counseling and grief groups helped me a lot to deal with the aftermath.
Thanks Berit for replying. At times like this you feel that you are the olny one going through these feelings. It helps to know there are others going though it too and that most people are kind.