I'm struggling after losing my grandad

I’m 20 years old and I recently lost my grandad on 21st may 2020 and I was lumbered with a lot well almost all the responsibility to sort everything. My grandad passed away from multipul things he was in bad health for a few years and 5 years ago had a bad stroke but recovered well. However earlier this year he had a fall causing a big graze in his hand which turned into an uncle as it didnt heal fast due to him being diabetic. Well this got infected and he had the infection in his blood he caught pneumonia and even tho he had 2 tests for covid-19 which were negative his scan results showed up as positive. On the day he passed away I couldnt be with him and the only thing I could do was Skype call him through his doctor. He couldnt talk or open his eyes. I’m the only one who saw him like that in the family. I prepared everything for the funeral with small amount of help. I’m supporting my nana and shes trying to support me. But my grandad was like my dad. When I was born he named me and we had/have an unbreakable bond. Now I’ve lost him I’m struggling so much. I have so much to sort out still for him even after we laid him to rest. I just feel so guilty as he wanted great grandchildren from me and I wish I couldve done more. I feel scared to move on because I dont want to forget him. I sit waiting for his call. We laid him to rest exactly 1 month and 1 day after he passed and I feel so alone. My partner has been my angel but i feel like I’m bothering everyone by talking about my grandad or how i feel and that they will just get annoyed at me. I just dont know what to do with myself. I wish so many things but the thought that hits me that hes gone forever just hurts me so much inside and I was the closest to him in the family everyone knew that but no one checks on me and I’m always there for everyone else.

Sorry it’s long.

Oh my goodness Sammie! Welcome to the site. I can feel your pain from here. You are so young to have to cope with such a loss and to have to take on yourself so much responsibility. It’s far too early for me to try and console you. The pain is too great. I have just answered a similar post where someone felt deserted by relatives. It happens and for a variety of reasons. Many find bereavement difficult to cope with. They don’t know what to say so say nothing, and may even avoid you or talking about it. It’s not being deliberately hurtful, but they put their own feelings before yours. On this site we share feelings. Your post is NOT long. Be as long as you like. If unloading in any way gives just a bit of comfort then come here and do it.
Try not to look too far ahead. From my own experience it does ease with time, but that may not apply to everyone. One day at a time is best at the moment. You will never forget but happier memories do take the place of sad ones. I am sure your granddad would not want you miserable because of him.
You will never bother anyone on here by coming back and talking.
Take it easy, and try and be kind to yourself.

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Thank you so much. I spoke to a bereavement nurse and told me to look on a few sites but they didnt really help me. I am trying to get more motivated as I’ve lost so much motivation and just want to sleep. Thank you for the moral support it’s nice. I guess it’s True but I’m always there for everyone in my family to talk to and sometimes I feel I have no one. Thank you again

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