Since my husband died a year ago I purposely kept very busy, doing stuff in the home, garden, going to stay with family and friends. Now that winter has arrived I have become very reluctant to engage socially other than with close family and friends. I was an avid hobby artist and have found it difficult to complete paintings or concentrate for long. Art was my therapy but now it’s become a chore even though I still love it. My nights are spent going over what happened last year and I frequently wake up unable to get back off to sleep. I know grief is a long term process and I do have fantastic support from my family. I’m just feeling so flat and every day things like eating or getting out for a walk are becoming a pain.
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Hello @FranC,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your husband that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
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I was like this. Then I realised that the best thing was to let the day unfold for me without my trying to control things. If I wanted to cry all day, I would. If I wanted to pray all day, I did. If I wanted to read all day, I did. Whatever: I let my inner self or feeling or whatever we call mourning take the lead. I would wake in the morning after only a little bit of sleep and wait for inspiration to lead me in how to spend the day. And, I can tell you, I still cry for a while every evening but I know I have had a really healthy grieving process. And, let me tell you, it all happened without any help from anyone. My husband was very much loved by everyone and his loss just about killed all of us. Even a postman who delivered our mail at an address we lived in a long time ago sought me out twice to say how sorry he was for the loss. How’s that? But in general there was just about nothing in the way of support for me. The only comfort I found was at the local shopping centre where many of the counter staff have never stopped asking me how I am doing and will give me a hug. I found letting nature take its course and tell you what to do was the healthiest way. You said something about concentration: I still have that problem, but it was very bad for a while. All the best.
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Thank you so much. I’m sorry for your loss, it is the unexpected people that say something that catch me off guard. Bless you.
I think@barkerch has put it very well. He/she is very wise. Re the art, I too am a hobby artist (I paint in acrylics), and I’ve found it really difficult to carry on with my painting. I tried one session a week or so ago (my husband died in August) and my heart absolutely wasn’t in it. We always painted together. I’m just giving it time, then I might try a different style - David had started experimenting with collage, so I’m thinking of giving that another go (I did it some time back), and maybe doing my first collage as a memorial to him - not sentimental but containing images of things that were important to him. Let me know how you get on.
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Thank you and so sorry for your loss. I have decided to try printmaking next year. Collage looks appealing too. Your idea of making a collage using things important to him is wonderful. It is early days for you right now, sending love and supportive feelings to you.
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@FranC, thank you. Printmaking is another thing I’ve tried in the past - I loved it and may well do it again at some point. Have you tried gelli plate printing? It’s a bit addictive! I may put some of that in my collage.
Yes, I bought a gelli plate to try with my granddaughter and she loves it, so I may do some more sometime.
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