Hello, i am new to this website, but have been reading as I am struggling myself. My husband died suddenly 2 months ago, I’m 37 and we still had our life’s ahead of us or so I thought, it was a total shock and with it being over Christmas as well (spent Christmas night in icu) the last months have been a dream, just a blur really getting all the funeral arrangements etc I saw a couple of you need counciling, just wondered how helpful this was?
Hi Sylv37, so sorry for your loss and at such a young age. With everything you have to do after your loss it will be a of a blur. I lost my husband in August last year. Now you’ve got the funeral over with the next bit is the hardest. We all find our own way to deal with our grief and it’s just one day at a time. You will have good and bad days. I’ve not done any counciling but I know others have on here, some have found it helpful others not so. I feel it’s whatever works for you to get you through it and if you don’t try it you won’t know.
Give yourself time and look after you.
Take care
JackieJT
Hi Sylv37
So sorry for your loss I lost my husband in August last year suddenly he had a heart attack while at work and I never got to see him again it was such a shock we would of been married 44 years on 24 feb . I can’t lie it’s been the worst 7 months of my life I’ve only just returned to work which I find hard but at least it’s getting me out of the house and back amongst friends . My family have been so supportive but I still find it hard especially at night when it am on my own with my thoughts . I never knew that you could feel so much physical pain when your heart breaks . I haven’t used counselling yet but my work place offers it so I am thinking of taking it up as I can’t seem to get past that day when it all happened I don’t know if it will help but I won’t know until I try . I hope that you can find an answer to your grief I’m still trying my thoughts are with you take care xx
Hello, we were together for 15 years, met when I was 22 love of my life, have still had to work through it all coz I run a pub! Had to work New Years etc, which in away was a good thing coz I have something else to think about, I have people all around me all the time but I get a lot of sympathy looks/ questions etc, which is the hard thing coz I have to say ‘I’m ok!’ And because they all knew him I feel I don’t want to upset them!!! I find it nice being around people, but it also reminds me coz in my trade you see lots of couples etc where as it used to be 2 of us it’s only me! Try to keep a smile on but hard!! 44 years!!! That is so nice! That’s what you have to think about! (That’s what I’m trying to do!) yea, my family thinks counciling will do me good coz I have been focusing on work but I’m not so sure it Will ( but here I am talking to you!) it might! Might give it ago! Thank for letting me rant!! Xx it’s the shock that gets you! You think everything is ok and then… sorry, thanks again! Xx
Thanks, yea, no one I know has been through the same thing, couples have split up etc but none of my friends husbands have passed away, so feel very on my own if that make sense which is why I was reading on here. My mum and dad are being so supportive but they even admit they have never had to face this kind of grief. Which is what I am trying to do, but it’s true, good days bad days, even little moments of happy memory’s make me happy then sad etc … not giving up coz my husband was a happy character! He loved life which is what is keeping me going I suppose. Thanks for replying!! Sorry for your loss aswell does not matter about the age, still the same feelings! Xxxx
Thanks
Sylv
Hi I know what you mean I was 16 when we met and he was 18 and in the forces. We got married a year later in 1973 and went on to have 3 children . He was my soulmate and we had a lovely life together and was now looking forward to our retirement in a couple of years . We had lots of plans and it was all snatched away in an instance which is what I can’t come to terms with as he wasn’t ill , so I’m hoping that councelling will help me cope with this empty feeling I have . All though I have lots of family 3 grown up children and 5 grandchildren with a new one due in July , who are very supportive it’s still very hard to come to terms with the loneliness you feel not having your soulmate around anymore . Sorry for going on but sometimes it’s easier to write down your feelings rather than talk about it and I find this site is good for that . I hope that you find a way that helps you like I say I’m still trying grieving is very hard as each day is different especially when it’s your soulmate that you have lost and all you want is to be able to see them again and hear their voice again . My husband was always making people laugh and this is what we all miss about him there’s a big piece of our family missing and it won’t ever be the same again take care hope you find a way forward xx
Hi, thank you for taking the time to reply, I know, miss the sound of voices of even the jokes and laughter! The hospital phoned me about counciling and are going to set me up! I think it will be good for me, it’s like I’m looking after everyone else and telling people I’m fine all the time! I hate fuss so I’m trying to be brave in front of people but deep down… I know it’s not going to replace him but might help me accept? Who knows give some pratical advice aswell! I went out on sat with the girls and this bloke asked me if I single, did not know what to say!!! (Still got it!) lol but made me feel should not be talking! Strange one! But going to give it ago! ( won’t say what I said to that poor bloke!) yea might do a diary, it is easier to say type things rather than say them, who to say them to, don’t want upset or get the looks etc. Thanks. Will do that! But think of the laughter and fun! Happy memory’s!
Sylv37
Hello Janey,Im so sorry your Robert died and Im sorry those words are inadequate.I have just brought my husband home from Hospital after fighting cancer for a year but its not to be ,chemo didn’t work.I am resting on the sofa watching him breathe crying quietly so not to wake him.Im am so miserable and not good company and hate going out looking at people going about doing there business .I can speak to him for a few mins but then he goes back to sleep.Trying to sort out papers etc a nightmare and I just close the briefcase.
Thinking of you Sue
Hello Daughter2Tall
Hope you are bearing up as well as can be expected in such difficult circumstances and that your Son is able to be there for support.
I understand what you mean about not wanting to go out and seeing other people going about their ordinary lives, it hurts I know. Thinking of you.
Hello Daughter2Tall
Hope you are bearing up as well as can be expected in such difficult circumstances and that your Son is able to be there for support.
I understand what you mean about not wanting to go out and seeing other people going about their ordinary lives, it hurts I know. Thinking of you.
Hello Daughter2Tall
Hope you are bearing up as well as can be expected in such difficult circumstances and that your Son is able to be there for support.
I understand what you mean about not wanting to go out and seeing other people going about their ordinary lives, it hurts I know. Thinking of you.
Sorry for message going through 3 times, internet connection delay I think.
Hi Bryan.i reply to an older post of your way back in mid December about not wanting to use the car. I agree that it’s very painful but I’m sure your dear Patricia would want you to go out breath the air.explore.I cry when I’m in and I cry when I’m out .I feel close to my Darling partner when I’m in the car and I put my heated seat on and also put his heated seat on.then try and find a song on the radio that we both loved…Driving helps me.Like I’m driving away from my loneliness.Of course I have to come back but it helps for a wee while.You are being very brave going out and going shopping.You can do this too.Take a blanket with you for both of you.If you don’t have heated seats!!! Go easy on yourself.xxxx
Hi,Thank you for replying .Bob slept most of the time I am also so sad and wondering how to cope.Like you say the paperworks a nightmare and I keep checking things over and over again to see if I have notified everyone …I haven’t but Bobs name slowly disappearing on accounts.
You also take care Sue
Hello, I have just joined this group. I am hoping that talking to others may help me.
I lost my husband, my best friend, my soul mate 18months ago to oesophageal cancer. By the time it was diagnosed he was already at stage 4 so didn’t really stand a chance. I guess compared to some we were lucky enough to have 9months together but they were 9 really tough months. We talked a lot and he was so brave. He even made plans with the funeral directors. Since the funeral I am lost. Everyday gets harder instead of easier. I had counselling at the beginning which helped but these days anything sets me off. I find myself listening to every word of every song and cry. Sometimes I feel angry that he left me then feel guilty that I am angry with him. I miss the companionship the company the hugs, someone to tell me that its going to be ok, I find myself having some dark thoughts which scares me. Everyone tells me that its still early days but it just does seem to get any easier. Sorry for ranting on so much just need to talk to people that may understand. I know that we all deal with grief differently but any advise will be gratefully received.
Rita
Rita
I’m so so sorry for your loss and I can relate to your words and thoughts so very close to me. I could have literally written the exact same words almost. I lost my wife in August 2016 to Espohagael Cancer after an 11 month battle, she was given 2 years but didn’t get half that and the last couple of weeks was so very quick but at least pain free. I would love to discuss our mutual feelings and thoughts with you.
Dave
Rita
I’m so so sorry for your loss and I can relate to your words and thoughts so very close to me. I could have literally written the exact same words almost. I lost my wife in August 2016 to Espohagael Cancer after an 11 month battle, she was given 2 years but didn’t get half that and the last couple of weeks was so very quick but at least pain free. I would love to discuss our mutual feelings and thoughts with you.
Dave
Hi Rita,
I lost my husband in August last year to mesothelioma (lung cancer), when we got the diagnosis we were told a few months to a year at the most but we were lucky to have 18 months. The last couple of months were the worst. Although I’ve cried a lot over the past 7 months this week for the first time I found myself crying and telling him off for leaving me. I thought I was getting better if you know what I mean but I’ve had some really bad days over the past few months days where I’ve struggled to even get out of bed.
I agree that we all deal with this differently but I’ve found this site useful because you find that however your feeling someone else is feeling the same and I find that helps.
Jackie
Hi Dave ,Im so sorry about your wife my husband had cancer for more than 1yr .Its the funeral tomorrow and I dread it.At first he was told it was curable he had N H Lymphoma in the spine but after 3 weeks in remission it came back in his Brain.I feel sad for him with all that he went through and he suffered so much.
How are you now? does it get harder as time goes by .
I am so busy at the moment changing every over in to my name even though everything was in joint names.
Take care Sue
Hi Jackie. It is good (in a weird way) to hear that someone else gets angry at their husband for leaving. I did have a few “normal” months but they seem yo habe disappeared. Going over the whole episode over & over again. Glad I had this site suggested
Rita