Since my husband Ernie died 27 weeks ago I have been having flashbacks to the time he was in ambulance going to hospital and the ambulance man said say hi goodbye to him now . Then the FaceTime calls to him where the nurse had to keep pointing to iPad as he was delirious and then the last time in ICU he was bathed in sweat and shaking with each breath I was suited up and wearing gloves how I wished to hold him properly and then in the chapel of rest where he didn’t look like my Ernie anymore . My counsellor says when these images happen to think of a happy moment but I just can’t do it my brain won’t make the switch . I miss him so much even in a crowd I feel so alone what can I do ?

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Hi Lindy, I’m so sorry about the death of your husband, it’s easier said than done to switch off the flashbacks, it must have been a horrific time for you, I at least was able to be with my husband when he passed and that was traumatic enough, and I still get the flashbacks, but it has got easier over the years and I hope it will be the same for you, sending love and hugs. Jude xx

Thank you I hope it does ease , they occur out of the blue and make me feel so scared and unsettled . Don’t feel able to talk to family as my daughter found out two months ago she had double breast cancer one op done but they found another lump now awaiting new op and then radiotherapy awaiting dna results to see if she needs chemo so everyone in family is upset and I don’t feel I can let them know how much or how bad these flashbacks are . So coping on own .