This is my first time joining any kind of forum but I am hoping that someone will be able to relate to me and offer advice on how to cope. My mum is 92 and is giving up!! Says she is tired and doesn’t want to be here any more. I can understand why she could possibly feel like this at her age but it doesn’t make it any easier to cope with - selfish I know. I am an only child and she has been my absolute rock. Although married, it is not particularly a happy or supportive marriage and she was my go to. She is living at my house and I am doing her caring. She doesn’t want to go into a care home and I want to honour that as best I can. I try hard not to but I do keep crying in front of her. I know that is of no help to her. I haven’t told anyone else how I feel as I find it hard to talk to others about my feelings. I have a constant sick feeling and am finding it hard to sleep for more than a couple of hours a night. Any tips to help prepare mentally for the inevitable?
Hi, I’m new here as well…I lost my mum March 2023. She was on pallative care for the last 2 years of her life. I found i was grieving before she left. There’s a term for grieving before death. I found speaking to Marie Curie very beneficial. My mum wanted to go. She was fed up with her worsening condition. I ended up caring for my mother 24/7 for the last months of her life. Mum needed pain relief around the clock. Being a carer both day and night was brutal. Does your mum have other carers apart from yourself? Its very hard caring for a parent especially when you know its near the end. I think phoning helplines like Marie Curie or McMillan will help while you’re on the final part of this journey. Speak to.your GP as well. Like I said i grieved well before my mother died and its perfectly normal. If you need to cry while she’s still here, then cry. Don’t feel guilty. Grief is unique. There’s no right or wrong. I read up on the process of death so I knew what to.expect. Are you able to talk.with your mum? Its hard. I know.
I agree. My dad died of cancer and looking back I did a lot of processing while he was alive. Strange though it seems, it will help you later, but it’s obviously hard to hide it from her. Definitely get an agency carer so you can have some breaks. I found having people coming and going to the house strangely comforting, like they were partly there to look after me as well.
@AS140
Hello, I’m so sad that you are going through this journey, I have just been through it, I lost my amazing mum in December,
She was an amazing mum and I miss her dearly, we knew that she was at end of life, but she passed quicker than we thought, and I’m going to be honest it wasn’t any easier for me. But I spent all my time with her and I had carers in for just 15 days to take the pressure off me.
Just spend as much time together and its ok to cry,
Much love to you in the coming weeks, you can always send me a private message xx
Hi,
I agree with everything you have all written. I cared for my mum while she was in end of life for the past five weeks.
Any advice I would give is to spend as much time as you can with her. Take her out if you can. Tell her how much you love her. Talk about things you did together. Look at old photos together. Listen to music. Watch TV together. Just sit and hold her hand and give her a cuddle.
I did all these things and my mum passed Dec 30 th 2022. Apologies I still can’t say the word died.
It’s only now 2 years on I can appreciate everything I did. I have no regrets. I said everything over and over to her.
I miss her terribly but feel so grateful I had the chance to spend that particular time with her because it was such a privilege.
I hope anything I have written helps you
Thinking of you
Deborah x