In 14 days

In 2 weeks my wife will be gone 1 year.
And for some reason I am having the worst day I have ever had .
It s like it’s just dawned on me that my life is over.
I’ve been virtually alone for the whole year .only my daughter and son have visited my home .in that time .
People who I thought would have called have not .

And it seems like I have no hope of having any type of life without my one and only partner.
Sorry I’m not a god fering person and theres no help there.
So I ask why keep feeling the pain I’ve had so much pain in my life I wish it would just stop.
But it never dose and never will .
So how do I keep going why do I need this pain .
If only I had the heart to make it stop.
Then I could have peace .
42 years of life and love just gone in a flash.
And this party gate stuff on TV all week has just drained my sole .do these people really know what we went threw .not seeing loved ones no proper send off.
It’s all just to much .
I wish this day would end.
I wish the pain would end
If only I could make it all end…
If there is a god mabe he will intervene and end my pain.
No one should have to go threw such pain .
My heart
My sole my mind are broke and I can’t fix them .

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Fred, I’m so sorry for your loss and feelings of despair, I am not so far into my journey as you, I lost my husband last August, I know the pain you feel. Added to that all the utter disregard by the government of the loss we’ve endured just makes it worse. I know some days it’s so hard to get up and keep going, but I do for our children. Do you have someone to talk to, or maybe counselling. I have had some through Sue Ryder and it’s been good to get things said out loud to someone not directly involved, who I don’t have to worry about upsetting. Take care Natasha x

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So sad to read your post and to hear how much you are struggling with your grief. I lost my partner of 17 years in an accident on the 9 Dec 21. I feel like I’m falling apart. I’m already dreading a year from now so can only imagine how you must be feeling about a year passing since you lost your wife. Sounds like some counselling support could help you explore your feelings and challenges. Be kind to yourself you have gone through so much already x

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Fred, people don’t know what to say, at the moment I’m being overwhelmed with support, that I know will stop soon, Yr live carrys on in a different way, a different life, as you know, try to live Yr life for her, she didn’t want to go, it’s hard right now, but hopefully it will get better, not now, but one day, take a walk, looking at the small things in a park, trees, birds, sitting on a bench, even for a small moment, brings me peace, and comfort, that I’m not quite alone, I feel my sisters spirit, in my love and heart, everyday

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Fred, I am sorry to hear you are in such a bad place, the weeks just before the anniversary are hard. My husband passed away November 20, when I write this it seems a long time ago but it’s actually just over 13 months. The weeks coming up to the anniversary were spent reflecting on what had happened, and what was going to happen in the future, just like you are now, those weeks were almost as bad as the first few weeks, but when I got to the day itself it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I planned what I was going to do and got through it. People not keeping in touch seems to be the norm, most people on here have experienced false promises, or nothing at all. People move on with their lives, and expect or assume we have done the same, or maybe they just don’t know what to say, who knows. I hope you feel a little better soon, it will pass, but these next few weeks may be tough. Keep chatting on here, it helps, and make some plans on what you are going to do on the day. Look after yourself.

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Hi Fred123
It will be a year for me on 1st Feb, I am 59 and was married for 38 years, this is not the life I signed up for, I do not know how I will manage the next couple of weeks as it is already biting, I have pretty much spent the last year drifting with no direction or even the will to do anything, dreading the next year of the same pain and absolute sorrow. I’m tired of it all.

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Fred - my husband passed away very suddenly nine months ago - I couldn’t eat or sleep for weeks - gradually you think you are having a better day and then you have a really bad one but this is what it is like - I find what helps to get through the day is try and do something-anything for somebody else - are you able to do gardening or anything that would be useful for your children or neighbours? Get yourself out of the house and go for a walk - you have to do something to fill your day -it’s not easy I know but if you can do please do and you may tire yourself out and want to sleep at night. There is only you can do it and your children may need your support - I don’t believe in God and neither did my husband but we both believed in living a good life with strong moral values and being kind to others - so there is no quick fix to the life we are living to make it any happier we all must try and find something to do that stops us from being taken over completely by sadness. Keep writing on here and let us know how you are getting on because you are not alone. X

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