In a dark place missing dad

I miss my dad so much it hurts. I feel I’m at the bottom of a deep dark hole. I’d love to just go to be with him as don’t feel like my life is great and have no husband or kids. I cared for him 6 months before he died and did everything for him. I’m living in grief and not in the normal world i should be. It’s 6 months since he died and i keep reliving that last 24 hours of watching him die. I’ve tried to replace with good memories but it’s still that day. I hate my life right now but he would want me to care for my mum who has Parkinson’s. All I want is him I just can’t move on.


Hi Kate,
I dont have mych more to say than I “get it”. My mum died 14 weeks ago and I too watched her die. Sometimes the images wane a bit but then they come back. Its been 6 months for you?
I suppose you probably wonder how long this intensity is going to go on for? I certainly do and keep trying to predict or tell myself Ill probably feel better soon, or something.
I also dont have a partner or children and wonder if Id have felt better if my mum hadnt been the main focus of my life.
This experience is “off the chart” isnt it? Sorry, Ive no answers…
Take care,
Mazza x


I know how you might feel. I can say after five, six years, I FINALLY have “moved on.” From profound loss and grief. Now, 2023, I look to the future. And there will be one, if I want it. It is early for you. In your situation, like mine, it takes extra long time. But wait it out. I did and things are better. I must move into some sort of future, and it would be with their heavenly blessings. But feel this grief and one day, it will move on.


Hi Kate14,

I just wanted to say that I relate to your post. It will soon be 5 months since I lost my Dad and the pain still feels excruciating. I am keeping myself busy and I try to do the things that I need to each day but there is a constant sadness and I feel that a lot of joy has gone out of the world for me.

My dad was my best friend and I loved spending time with my parents more than anything, but specifically my dad. We got each other and used to have so much fun, could talk for hours and as I got older I appreciated this so much.

I have no husband or kids and I have also questioned if I made my parents too much of my focus. Since losing dad I often feel that I have lost a lot of my identity and purpose. My mum has however, reminded me that my dad was not my sole focus and my life also includes work, my animals and other interests.

I have been stuck in a cycle of feeling unable to remember the great times and instead feeling stuck in that period from September when dad was diagnosed to November when he passed away. It was only an 8 week period out of my 36 years with my dad but my mind often feels stuck in this time period. I cared for my dad and seeing him deteriorate and pass away in the hospice was incredibly traumatic. The memories of my dad’s final days seem to be more of a focus when I’m having particularly bad days with the grief. I hope in time the focus shifts to the happy memories.

It’s incredibly difficult. You are not alone.


Yes i agree … my mind goes back to those dark last few days too … its horrible isnt it ! Wonder why ? Cos i had 35 happy years with my hubby and cant think about any of that ! Just the misery feel without him :frowning:

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Hi Deb,

It’s incredibly difficult. I hope all the good memories come back with time. It seems common to remember the last days and weeks even though this is often distressing and was just a short period of time in our lives. Maybe the trauma of the loss is still too raw, I’m not sure.


Yeh probably the trauma like you say :frowning: and also i think i am reminding my brain that hes gone cos it still doesnt feel real that hes gone ! Probably cos i didnt want him to go ! The love of my life :heart:

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I can only guess that the last few weeks/days/hours/minutes/seconds become increasingly highly charged. It makes sense that we’re reliving it but I’ve been advised that if I’m still doing this after 6 months, that I should think about trauma therapy.
For me I still can’t actually"believe" that I witnessed something so horrendous…
Yet, there’s plenty of people on here, speaking the same language. Will it ever feel like something “normal”?
Mazza x

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It only cones in to mt mind somerimes when im trying to make sense of it but yeh its awful the whole thing ! Ive had enough of it all :frowning: :disappointed: i think other peoples behaviour including family is unxcusable tbh and my husband would be appalled at some people. God bless him x

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