In another life i surely was there

Losing a parent
1

After 8 months i find myself back here again.
It’s still shocking to me how i just cannot talk about losing my dad to anyone without breaking out.
Not my mom, brother, family not my closest friends.
I have so much to say still, i just can’t get the words out of my mouth without tears automatically shedding.
I guess that’s normal though.
I have no idea how those 8 months even passed…
I still remember everything so vividly like it just happened last week.
There’s something bittersweet about Remembering.
You remember it so clearly but the memory pains you so much that you think „can’t i just forget?“, though even if you had the choice to forget, you just wouldn’t want to live without remembering those moments no matter what.
It makes everything more meaningful.
Seeing your dad, your loved one in a casket. Remembering the last time you saw him smile. It’s painful.
Even if it’s a memory of him laying in the ICU its the last piece of memory i have.
There’s one thing i fear more than the pain of remembering; forgetting.
Grief is love. Those painful memories are a sign of love.

I’ve been questioning life nonstop, like everyone else here. it’s been leading me nowhere so far… more open ended questions.
I’ve developed this extreme fear of death. Anytime i’m separated from someone i’m thinking „what if?“
So for every moment i think „what if?“ I’m trying to make sure i’d leave on a good note at last.

So just be there. I’ve learned it the hard way.
Caring silently sometimes is not enough. Show that you’re there.
I know i wish would’ve been there more. In another lifetime i surely will be there…

4 Likes
2

Hello @sananeaq,

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. It sounds as though things are very difficult at the moment.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Take care - keep reaching out,

Alex

3

Hi Sananeaq,

Your love for your father shines through, as always.

It is nearly eleven months since my dad died and I still question everything about life.

I also fear forgetting my dad. The grief and pain keeps him close and I feel very much connected to him still. I hope that never changes, I doubt it will.

We will never forget , it’s not possible. Remember you are half of your father and he is still listening and guiding you.

Keep going.
Xx

4

Such a heartfelt message from you. I agree completely with everything you say. 5 months since my mum passed now and I just can’t believe where on earth that time has gone. Surreal. Every day is surreal. You never think it’s going to happen to them, even though you know it will. My grief can be overwhelming still some days. I just miss her so such. I am on my own, so my best friend to chat with has gone. Never in life have I questioned what we are actually all doing here on Earth. Reading about the afterlife seems to have become a huge topic on my mind! xxx

1 Like