My darling husband died suddenly 9 months ago after a year of sudden weaknesses caused my motor neurone disease. I felt I lost him then. I’ve never experienced that much pain and loss ,even though I lost my father, brother and sister years back. I have a supportive family and friends. Every one was extremely worried about me. I found this forum and read people stories which resonated with me.
I miss my husband, we had a happy life, 21 years.
Now the strangest thing happened. I had an unplanned coincincidence meet with an old friend when I was 20. He loved me then, never had a relationship. We never saw each other or spoke in the last 30 years.first thing he said how he loved me and still does. I told him about my loss how I cannot love again. Fast forward 4 weeks, I now have feelings for him. I still love my husband.
What is this? Could I be betraying my sweet husband, is it real Feelings or I’m just missing my husband. I don’t see this my old friend face to face as he went back to his country. I miss him. Never been intimate with him. Can I really fall in love? Is it too soon, not even a year has passed. I loved my husband more because he loved me so much. I don’t understand how much I’m falling for my old friend. He knows how much i loved my husband from what I told him. Say your mind, thank you.
Hi im very sorry for your loss .I dont think anyone has the right to judge you .You judge yourself and everybody goes through there nightmare in different ways .Time will tell if your new relationship grows stronger ,and i do wish you happiness Colin
You will never know how much hope you have given to me. A few weeks before my husband died suddenly, we had a conversation about what we would do if one of us died. This conversation started behind a movie we watched where a husband lost the love of his life and how he struggled to move on.
We both promised that if one of us died, the other would try to find love again, would remarry, be happy and continue to live. I was more adamant about the promise because I know that it would pain me to know that he was alone. I wanted to know that he would find companionship and have someone to take care of and love him.
I now am looking to fulfill the promise. I want to fall in love again. I want companionship and I know it will happen.
I agree with all of the above. My wife of 20 years and companion of 30 years passed away almost a year ago (early hours Boxing Day). We had broken up 3 months prior. During that time I had met someone else that I am still with now. I miss my wife terribly and it was a shock (despite our situation) when she passed. I was with her in the hospital when she left. I replay that moment over and over again and can’t get over it. Time is a healer they say but it is very, very painful, emotions are very mixed and struggling to come to terms with it and sometimes feel guilty for living again
Whilst there are loads of people I love, some more than others, I can’t imagine falling in love again. I’ve heard it said that some people are in love with the idea of being in love. I suppose none of us can accurately predict the future so I’d say never say never. The whole memory of falling in love seems so long ago but then, it actually was.
Thank you ericha10. My husband loved me so much and I loved him dearly that he would definitely want me to be happy. Strangely we had such a conversation when I was more asking him what he will do if I had to pass away. At the time I told him I wouldn’t imagine sharing him with anyone,. he laughed , his usually great humour and said to me’ Hun you wont physically be here at the time’ but I promise I will always put our children first. I go back to that conversation and realise that he was more realistic than I was and I understand him now. I loved that man, I miss him a lot. I now manage to think about our great times together, something I could not do in the first 7 months after his passing.
I really hope the reality of meeting someone face to face wont be too daunting, as its currently just talk.
I also attended a transformation course called Landmark forum in London. I know it helped me to deal with my grief. I feel like a new transformed person. I love to keep our great memories and Love. I just feel positive about my future. My dear husband will stay in my heart forever and I feel he is looking out for me. I just want to be present in what I do and share peace and Love with the world. Until we meet again.
At only 50 and a widow I used to feel so distraught that at the peek of our life, when our children were now grown that he would suddenly leave me. I now look forward to new things, I will carry him with me always.
My husband died only 4 months ago and he was 37 I am 38 with two young children …it is so sad that I will never get to do all things that comes with being a wife . And it’s a long future alone …I think that is it for me …
Hi Sibo my hubby passed in March this year,and like you i miss and love him forever,personally i can only feel happiness and positivity for you,there is no right or wrong way to carry on,its all very personal,it sounds very much like this old friend was meant somehow to come back into your life,some coincidences are more than that,i believe in synchronicity,that certain things in our life happen for a reason ,we just never can explain,i also think love cannot be denied,if its strong enough and right at the time,not hurting yourself or anyone else,as the months have passed my feelings have changed to myself ,and if a good ,kind man came by chance into my life,and it felt right ,then maybe i would take that chance,i feel i would not be disrespecting my husband,as my love for him would stay as strong as ever,regardless,we were married for 35 years,and i would never remarry,but i have always felt that,however a companion in my life would be a possibility,someone to share everyday life with,i have become slowly more independent and stronger as the months have passed,but i do not deny life can be very lonely,i have good support from my family,so im not alone,just lonely at times,though i would never seek companionship because of loneliness,you must go with your own intuitive feelings on this,and i wish you happiness,theres nothing wrong in life with a second chance at happiness,listen to your own thoughts and not to anyone else.x
Hi Robina
thank you for your message. It spoke deep in me. I will listen to my thoughts. I will meet this old friend of mine early next year, Im actually looking forward to meeting as just friends.
I miss my hubby very much and I feel his goodness and love will last me a lifetime. Companionship I know i will need because I have always been an open spirit, but would rather alone with my friends and family if that person doesnt become. When it doesn’t feel right i will know too. I appreciate your reassurance,
Two women in my wife’s family were left with young families when there husbands died in late thirties. Eventually they both found new partners but not for a while. As I had known both husbands since we were all teens/ early twenties I felt some resentment to the new partners and initially found it difficult to accept them. With the benefit of hindsight I have to say I’m really pleased that they all came together as lives have been transformed for the better. I see quite a lot of both women and they have both been very supportive of me since my wife died. They both still love to talk about their husbands and all the good times we had together but it does show that for some of us it is possible to love again.
For me I feel like I would always be comparing a new person to my husband and I don’t think that would be fair on anyone …it’s not to say I don’t miss the closeness and friendship that would come along with it