In need of help.

Hello everyone.I lost my mum to vascular dementia 7 years ago and I have come to terms with this I think.I was with her at the end and found this very traumatic.I cared for her and lost her twice.In November 21 I lost my dad quite suddenly.We were very close as I was with my mum to.But this seemed different.
Dad went into hospital with pneumonia and it was serious to the point we thought we would lose him.He pulled through and I cannot fault ICU they were brilliant.
Dad got moved then to a ward and the level of care was horrific. When dad went into hospital he was independent and driving a car.The staff assumed he had dementia???
The story is to long to go into but dads 80th Birthday was coming up and he came home the day before.At home he was not himself and on his 80th birthday he was admitted back to hospital.They had discharged him to early.He asked me not to send him back but I had to go with what the doctor and ambulance crew advised.
When dad went in he could walk and eat etc.With in a week dad could not walk talk eat or anything so they stopped all meds and withdrew all treatment.
On his death certificate they put delirium???
I went along with this as dad had been through enough and I would not put him through a postmortem.
I was with dad at the end and I held him and felt him drift away and his heart stop beating and looking back this was a traumatic experience for me but Im glad I did it for him.
The after care also was very traumatic in the hospital.I thought I was dealing with things quite well but it seems Im not.
I suffer with depression anxiety as well.But the last month I have felt so ill.I feel angry sad alone and I feel I let dad down.I lost his dog in February so it was like another part of dad gone.
My moods have become really up and down.I get nasty and generally not happy no appetite not sleeping well and so exhausted.
Im struggling to understand if its grief because the symptoms are like depression but I can’t get dad out of my head.Im really confused and just dont know who to talk to after nearly 2 years.


Hi, sorry for the difficulties you are going through. It’s so hard to lose parents whatever the circumstances. Perhaps you might need some counselling so that you can talk about your experiences and feelings? Have you looked at all the online support and advice? There’s lots out there and this forum is also helpful as everyone is grieving and trying their hardest to manage life without a loved one. Best wishes xx

Dear @Ellen15

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mum and recently your dad. Grief is a horrible journey of emotions, it is a rollercoaster ride with good days and bad days. All of which is normal. Grief is a journey to be taken at your pace.

There are resources by Sue Ryder which may be of help to you at this time.

There is a useful Grief Guide that contains information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief. When you feel ready, it would be worth having a look at it.

Have you considered one to one Counselling with Sue Ryder? It is a free online Bereavement Counselling It would be worth having a look at.

There is also a blog on Losing a Parent which may be of help and support to you along with Stages of Grief

Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS. This is helpful for family and friends too.

There is also the Samaritans to talk to who are available 24/7 everyday of the year.

There is an organisation called AtALoss which may be of help to you. If you look at Bereavement Services and type in your location you might find support groups in your area. This website is informative.

It might be helpful to book an appointment with your doctor if you have not done so already to discuss how you are feeling and to see how they can support you.

All the emotions you are going through are normal and part of the grieving process. Grief has no time limit. Be gentle with yourself and take one day at a time. You have taken a big step by reaching out here, you are not alone, we all understand the pain of losing a loved one.

Take care of yourself.

Peppers x


you had a bad time and perhaps you blame yourself for his sudden decline, and poor care at hospital.

what you experienced is traumatic. losing loving parents is the worst chapter in life. I still am broken by it. I see a counselor, six years later.

you will always hurt over it … time only lessens it.

your parents would advise trying to put it aside and live your life … though I know, I put so much into my mom and dad, I almost ended up with no life at all, after they died.

I joined clubs and made friends. I had to.


Grief is so hard and losing a parent is really painful
My mum died 3 years ago and she lived with me for 10 years
I miss her hugs, chats , laughter and company every day
I feel so lonely if I’m not seeing anyone
I had to take early retirement last due due to being ill with depression and anxiety
my work colleagues have stopped contacting me and after 25 years of working there I feel let down too
My mood is up and down and I feel so alone


Thank you everyone.Im thinking how I feel is all normal.Im so sorry for everyone here who has lost a loved one even a pet as thats difficult

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So sorry for how you are feeling. My mam passed 6 years ago and my dad 5 months ago, both of them were let down by the hospital but my dad especially so. I was his carer and he came home with supposed palliative care which was non existant. I feel at the end I let him down. I am an only child so have no one other than my husband who is great but I feel so angry and lonely. Hope things impove for you. xxx


Let’s keep chatting and hopefully we can help each other
Take care❤️