I know all about walking the dogs and getting soaked. In the conservatory I have a line full of wet dog coats (two each), waterproof trousers and coats (mine) all dripping.
Thinking back to when Brian was in hospital a few years ago I often wondered how he would have got on if I hadn’t been around. I changed him three times a day and when I found out nothing was being washed down I took cleaning things onto the ward every day and was on my hands and knees scrubbing the floors and wiping down the lockers, trays, bed rails etc. Trying to make sure he didn’t catch anything, and he didn’t but they must have thought they had a mad woman on the ward. No one stopped me though. It all needed the attention. as it was only being mopped over lightly every couple of days. Things have improved now. For one Op we booked into a private ward and paid good money but it had cobwebs all over the wall, The bins were not emptied the three days he was there and neither was the private bathroom cleaned. A few years later this ward was closed after inspection., improvements were needed for it’s cleanliness, so I wasn’t imagining it. Mad woman I might be. I loved that man and wasn’t going to let anything happen to him.
Pat
It is so difficult when we see things are wrong but feel,powerless to say anything, the hospital my husband was in is in special measures at the moment (cqc) I am trying hard to get myself in the mood for xmas, as last year was so awful, it will be 12 months on Wednesday, but like everyone on here I am still on a journey, whether I will ever reach my destination of finding peace with everything who knows, but trying to have a pleasant Christmas with my family will be a start, take care Jan x
I have also reached the 12 months and thought that by now I would have found more peace but it doesn’t work like that. Last year Xmas didn’t exist but this year I am also making the effort spending Xmas day with family and having them round to my house for boxing day, I’m just hoping I will be able to cope, mentally I mean. Will not having Brian here be too much to bare?. Family members in our house being merry and no Brian.
Have a merry Christmas with your family.
Pat xxx
Thanks Pat, hope you manage to have a reasonable xmas, my son has already suggested he and I take the dog up the woods at 8 before we get stuck in to the cooking, my husband would have done this to tire her out, I will use this time to have a chat with my husband and prepare myself for the day, tomorrow is the twelve month mark, so I intend to get out early and walk the dog up to a nearby hill fort it’s a good one and a half hour walk so am hoping for a nice frosty morning, I find it a great motivator for the day ahead, it gives me the energy I need to get me through another day, I talk to my husband non stop, which probably drives him mad
Take care Jan x
Hi Jan, you are a person after my own thinking. I am also going to take my beloved dogs for a walk on Christmas morning, probably down to the seafront/woods as everywhere is so wet. I do long walks with them every day, this has literally saved me some days. I too would love a frosty morning and hopefully it’s not raining. I live on the Isle of Wight and we don’t usually get too much rain here, it misses us but this year has been different. By the way I used to live in Shropshire before I came to the Island. The winters in Shropshire was much more severe than here on the Island. I originally came here to visit family and had an accident and after an enforced stay I eventually decided to stay permanently as I was on my own, and then met my beloved husband who was an islander and no way would he have moved, although I took him to Shropshire a few times and he loved it.
Brian and I were Ramblers and he was a walks leader so he knows all the paths and tracks and I tell him where we are as I walk. I probably drive Brian mad as well as he did so love his peace and quiet. He can’t escape my chattering now. After my early morning walk I will go to have Christmas dinner with family, last year Christmas was a blur and I was fighting back tears all the time. I was lost in a terrible nightmare. This year I hope to be more sociable and my long walk should help me.
Pat xxx
Hi pat, like you my dog has saved me from from deep depression, going out in the morning really does get me going, if it wasn’t for her at the beginning there were more those days I probably wouldn’t have got out of bed, she was Graham’s dog so I feel that connection to him, I live in north Shropshire on the Welsh border so there are many beautiful walks right on the doorstep no beach unfortunately, graham was an avid runner till his late fifties when he had to have an ankle fusion, but he was still able to walk for miles. Yesterday, the first anniversary was a hard one, my daughter bought some balloons around to release and we toasted his memory. I went to bed at 9 and actually slept till 6 this morning, I think the emotion of the day had exhausted me, today I will start to clean, ready for Christmas although I must admit I hate cleaning always have its a necessary evil. Take care Jan x
God bless our dogs I say. I also would probably have stayed in bed if my babies hadn’t needed my attention. I have always been the main walker with my dogs over many years but Brian and I walked together with our dogs. One of my dogs lies on Brian chair in the dining room all the time. Can she sense him there…
I lived in South Shropshire for many years, also not far from the welsh borders but also Worcestershire, our nearest town Ludlow which Brian loved. For a while I was literally on the Clee Hills. I did take him to the centre of Birminham also and showed him the house where I was originally born but he didn’t like it, being an Islander he was a bit confused by the crowds. When I met Brian he loved sailing and I gave it a try but he was always shouting at me for not pulling the right ropes. I pointed out that I came from the Midlands and we didn’t have any Sea or sailing so I had no idea what he was on about. Being born very near to the sea he couldn’t understand this.
I also have just got through the first year and stupidly thought that I would be getting a bit better by now. I suppose I am to a degree. I didn’t know what to do as I didn’t feel it was a day to celebrate but I wanted to let him know how much he was loved. I like the balloon idea.
I agree with you cleaning is a necessary evil but I don’t find it hard work these days, I just keep organised now. Years ago I think my stables were much tidier than my house though. My mother was very houseproud and wouldn’t visit me.
Pat xxx
I’ve given up my job working with children with behaviour problems. As I didn’t have the right focus or patience at the moment. So I’ve just started dog walking for neighbours on our estate. I’ve earnt quite a bit recently which is a bonus. But it gets me out and the dogs are such lovely company.
Hi Jooles I am delighted to hear that you have made such a change and sure the company of dogs will help you. The fresh air and the exercise will be an added bonus. Very good luck in your new venture.
Pat
Pat. Definitely, my husband was all for me giving up my job but he did say not to just sit at home As not good for my mental health. . So this is perfect. Thank you.
Jooles45,
Dog walking sounds like perfect therapy! I wish I still had a dog.
Hi everyone - its been a while since I posted… Its Just over 2 years since my beautiful Janet died. Think this years anniversary has been worse than last tbh. I identify with the opening posts - the end I suppose you could say was peaceful in as much as Janet was heavily sedated, though the last few days slowly losing communication with her can only think she was having some sort of hallucinations too and her noisy breathing -all still very distressing memories and as someone else said I think will haunt me forever and leave me full of questions… I remember it like it was yesterday She died at home with me and her youngest and all the family had visited - so much love that day & so much sadness too. I too don’t feel I was prepared for the end I had stopped work and looked after her all through her illness but the end came quickly - from having normal conversations to the end about a week - I was not prepared for it when it came and dont think I believed it was actually happening even though I knew it was inevitable. Looking back I realise I was so exhausted emotionally and physically I think Was in a daze. Just wish she was still here I’d do it all again infinite times over I love her and miss her so much.
Dogs have been mentioned I still have our lovely Abbey she’s been such a comfort as has this site and especially good friends who have also suffered bereavement who have listened and shared and continue to make all the difference. Thanks everyone…
Anyway I was just moved to reply having read the opening posts. To say to others we are not alone and to say thanks for sharing. I dont know why but it seems to make a difference.
Hello , This thread is moving and l wish each and every one peace from these awful memories. My partner died at home and the system failed him also. We had to health authorities arguing over who should pay for continuing care. I had to struggle to wash him and make him comfortable on my own and his care funding and carers came through the week he died. I had a nurse from the hospice refuse to give him more morphine she said he was dreaming when he was crying in pain. No one told me what to expect though l seemed to know from instinct. I told the specialist nurse who came that l would like someone a nurse with me when the time came that never materialised. I feel so sad and angry for us all. Warm wishes to you all.
Dear Cheryl,
I have just read your horror story about you and your mum, it is absolutely disgusting that you received such callous treatment. I suppose Stan was lucky in that he died at home.
I do feel for you,
Love
Mary x
Mary,
I’m surprised you understood it. I made so many typing errors.
I’m better at checking my posts before I submit them nowadays.
Cheryl x
It doesn’t matter, Cheryl, I fully understood what you were saying. At lunchtime on the day Stan passed away, our doorbell rang, when I went to the door, our dog, Polly was with me. If I hadn’t been worried about Stan, I would have had a good laugh. I saw our locum GP running down the road, she is petrified of dogs. I had to grab, Polly and put her in another room whilst the doctor had a chat with me about Stan’s condition.
What I couldn’t understand was the fact that a doctor had been to see him, but he still had to have a post mortem.
Can anyone enlighten me, please?
MaryL
Mary,
There are I believe 5 different criteria to the need for a post mortem. One of them is if your death wasnt expected and you hadnt seen a doctor in the previous 14 days. My dad fell into that category.
Another, is if you have had surgery prior to death. My mum fell into that category.
There are 3 other criteria that in cant think off the top of my head but if you google it you can see.
I can only imagine that stans death wasnt expected and even though a doctor had seem him, the coroner still wanted to know what the cause of death was.
I personally think PMs are positive things and provide answers to loved ones.
Yes of course I hate the thought of my mum being put through one and when I read the weight of her organs I knew that they had been removed from her body. The images can haunt me now.
But I also found out that mums surgery did not contribute to her death and though she appeared to be happy and healthy on the exterior, her internal health was in a terrible state.
This is just my opinion of course. For those that didnt get the option of a PM or declined one, then that was right for them and they dont have to face the unwanted images that go through my head on a regular basis.
Cheryl x
Hi mary
I just checked the nhs criteria for a case being referred to the coroner for a PM
Basically, any violent, sudden or unexpected death.
Any death resulting from accident or injury.
Any death where the cause of death is unknown.
Any death where surgery recently took place.
Any death which is suspicious.
Even though stan saw a doctor recently they obviously wanted to know exactly what caused his death. I dont think they bother in cases like cancer or well known life threatening health conditions etc.
Thank you very much, Cheryl, for checking the criteria for a post mortem.
I now understand.
Blessings
Mary
Where did the thread move too