A doctor said to me when Steve was in hospital for the last time,” you know he is not well because you are his wife “ never a truer word was spoken.
1 Like
It seems that last post was a year ago.
Did anynody complaint to the hospitals, what was the outcome.
Hope everyone are feeling better.
Lost66, all I can say is I have been exactly where you ate now, just two months ago. I lost my poor mum, and everything you have written is exactly how I would write my mums time in hospital. The exact same happened to us.
I’m so very sorry for your loss, and I send any strength and love I have left in me xx
1 Like
Hello my name’s Kev , my love passed in June 2020, we were together 47 years. I was told I couldn’t care for my wife at home and that she needed hospice care, I brought her home with no hospital help, she died in my arms,
2 Likes
Hi Kev, I’m so truly sorry to hear about the love of your life passing. Its so heartbreaking. My wonderful, courageous mum, also died in my arms, and its something I’ll never forget. The one thing I wanted to do.was to.take my mum home, but the hospital said she wouldn’t make it home. So in a way I’m so glad you got to take your loved one home, with all of their surroundings, not hospital noises and people coming in prodding and poking them. I feel your pain xx
1 Like
When we left the hospital Karen was expected to live for 1 to 2 weeks, she was so brave and selfless, our son and two daughters and partners, three grand children all moved in with us to be with us,
Lockdown happened and we all isolated together, no work no school for the children.
My amazing lady lived for 3 months and died in my arms with our childre sitting with us just after her birthday in June.
Yes heartbreaking, but strangely beautiful.
I believe my angel now watches over us.
Kev x
5 Likes
So sorry Cheryl.
Hi Tracy
This is a very old post and I had to read through to see what I had written. It really takes me back to a time when I was so low and in constant grief for mum. I’m in a much better place 3 years on, although I think about my mum and miss her constantly.
Thankyou for your message though. I hope you are ok with the loss you have suffered.
Cheryl x
Hi Cheryl, bless you for your message and thank you. I’m glad you are feeling better than you were at the time of writing your original post. That gives me hope. It’s early days for us and this is the first site/community I have looked at (first time today). Thank you again and sending best.
Tracy
Sorry to hear you are recently bereaved. You have found a really old post here without activity for over 2 years.
Have a look at all current posts and you will find people to chat to who have recently lost someone as well.
You can search and find relevant subject headings (loss of a parent/child/partner etc)
Unfortunately there are new people daily who are in the same situation. This site was a life saver for me
Cheryl x
I did end of life, on my own for my mum and as a son with no help from my close family it was the worst.
I had heard it said, but never realised what it entailed, and when they said at the end what I had to do, well anyone who’s done it knows, it has scarred me for life.
To be told you have to starve your own mum to death! That’s basically it, no food or drink for as long as it takes, and you have to do it to the person you love the most.
It has broken my heart, and I feel guilty every day, even though I gave up my job and home to move in and look after her for the last 4 years.
4 Likes
I truly feel for you as it is a traumatic thing to be part of.
1 Like
I have just been through end of life process with my partner and it’s horrific.
If I’d have known beforehand I would have asked if she wanted another way out.
Even a dog, you put it down when it’s in pain and suffering - a human - cut all fluids and food, put a catheter in, syringe driver for pain meds and leave them while their internal organs slowly shut down one by one, as long as it takes, until they take their last breath.
Then they tell you they don’t really experience the pain or suffering and aren’t aware of what’s happening.
Call BS on that - she opened her eyes a few times and I could see the fear in her eyes - she was well aware of what was happening.
Those 3 days will haunt me forever
2 Likes
@MemoriesOfUs Hi I’ve just read your post and I was where you are 9 months ago. Thank you for writing this, all of the time I have spent away from my wife I never knew that someone else knew how I felt. But you do, I’ve seen that last breath and just never came back for so long. You have a difficult time ahead, it’s going to be rough. We’re here when you need us over on Losing a Parther
1 Like
@Walan Yeah just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse after watching her slowly deterioate over the last 12 months as the cancer destroyed her, had to endure end of life.
Appreciate the reply and knowing others have been through same process.
Long, dark and bumpy road ahead.
Sorry you had to endure this too - I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy
1 Like
@MemoriesOfUs very similar, 9 months since diagnosis till she was gone. Destroyed before me, it took my breath. I felt so powerless, there was literally nothing that could be done. It’s taken time but I know she knew I was there, and in the end that’s all we can really ask of each other. And she knew.
3 Likes
@Walan it’s a soul destroying enterprise 
I tried everything - took her to India for specialist treatment on her liver - but was just a day late and a dollar short - just couldn’t get in front of it.
She fought so hard and went through so much pain and misery.
She knew I tried and was there, but I still feel I failed her - probably always will.
1 Like
@MemoriesOfUs We try everything, RSO for my Wife, no use but she came back a bit. It’s tough to watch someone you know and love so deeply start disappearing in front of you, then to realise you’re disappearing too. I thought I failed my wife, but really there was nothing to be done, choices run out, nature takes its course, all we can do is witness. Your wife would have wanted you there, and you were. You will find comfort in that, how could you not?
1 Like
I was trying to buy her time in the hope of a liver transplant in coming months - but she just deteriorated too quickly for it to ever become an option.
I can relate to disappearing with her.
Maybe with time - but right now I feel I could have done more, been that little bit quicker, researched that little bit harder
1 Like
@MemoriesOfUs If you could have beaten it then you would have been a God. It was cancer, there is no cure, it runs its course, it does what it does. It’s scarily efficient, it’s been with us since the dawn, maybe we’ll beat it, maybe we won’t. But I guarantee there was nothing more you could have done in your situation. People don’t survive cancer, it gets them in the end, it’s always just a matter of time. Choices run out. Nature takes its course. Nothing to be done. It’s not your fault, the same as it’s not my fault. It’ll take time, it took time for me, but I think I’m getting there. You will too.
2 Likes