Indecision

Losing a partner
1

It was October 2022 my Sandie started showing symptoms that things weren’t right… January 2023 she was gone. I see so many people joining this unwanted club everyday on this forum wondering what’s hit them. Well things do progress…but I still can’t see where this all leads…I know others are the same. As usual, I wrote it down…feel sure it may resonate with others…:roll_eyes:

Two years ago, if you’d have said
I’d still be here and you’d be dead
At first I’d smile and laugh at you
But then I’d think, what if it’s true?

So two years on the truth is real
And I am struggling to deal
My soul mate has become a soul
Yet I’m still here, no longer whole

It seems its taking time to learn
Your gone for good and won’t return
However much I’ve wept and cried
The fact remains, you really died

My very essence ripped apart
A constant ache within my heart
I’ve tried so hard to reconcile
But all my efforts are futile

So what to do now you’re not here?
I can’t go on like this, that’s clear
My life has changed irrevocably
And what should be can never be

I’m in the middle of a fight
Tween head and heart, but which is right?
One tells me what I need to do
The other can’t accept the new

Seems like I’m at a watershed
So many questions fill my head
While answers are the thing I lack
One thing I know…you won’t be back

And so somehow I have to find
A way to ease my troubled mind
A way to fill the time that’s left
Even though my heart’s bereft

But what’s the answer? where to go?
The truth remains, I just don’t know
There’s nothing that I want to do
No destination without you

Stay within our house and try?
I can’t pretend…cant live a lie
This place was our forever home
But now it cuts right to the bone

So many things that bring you near
Which every time invoke the tears
I cannot fill what was our space
It breaks my heart to change your place

Just now I’m in survival mode
And have been since l watched you go
Remembering that dreadful day
I held your had…you slipped away

I have to find something to need
A motivator yet to seed
Whatever this new plan will be
I know it will involve just me

But truly this is all a ruse
The sad truth is, I can’t enthuse
I can’t remember what it’s like
To feel the thrill, embrace the light

So far nothing interests me
Nothing to do…nothing to see
I wake and navigate each day
And hope that I can find a way

I’m in a hole and can’t get out
It matters not how much I shout
Half has gone and won’t come back
And half can’t give me what I lack

And this is where my problems lie
Coz really…I just want to die
I know this answer isn’t real
…but doesn’t change the way I feel

The fact remains, your really gone
My life that is continues on
I have no answers to my plight
…and nothing that I think seems right…

…I just don’t know what to do…:face_with_diagonal_mouth:

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All so very true, every bit of it. Thank you.

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Oh, UnityMan you’ve put into rhyme, words that run through my mind all of the time.
I recognise your pain x

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Beautiful poem. We talk a lot about taking it one day at a time, and for good reason, the unspoken part being, until it gets easier. But we all grieve differently and no one knows how long it will be before it gets easier. Sometimes I think we should talk more about how to endure when you’d rather not be here, but still have to wake up every day. :heart:

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You have put into words Unity Man exactly how I feel about losing my Pete. How do you come to terms with the fact that they aren’t here any more! I can only think that the love we had and still have for them was and still is very deep and nothing surpasses that. It’s a hard road to travel … Thoughts to you and fellow passengers. Jenny.

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Thankyou @UnityMan

How lovely to read all that I feel.
I’m only 7 months but cannot ever imagine ever feeling any different.

I shall only ever be half, however long I live.

I miss him so much, and that just gets harder

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Unity man Im only 7 weeks in but you articulate what I feel. I am sorry for your loss.
Its only my amazing children and grandchildren that keep me going.
The thought of being so alone for what is probably the next 20 years (which were filled with so many joyous plans) fills me with anxiety and dread.
This is a horrible club to join but this forum is keeping me going at the moment

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Having lost my partner Jan 23 I completely relate. Perfectly put.

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@UnityMan
Beautiful words spoken from the heart and meaningful to all on this journey. Thank you for sharing

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