Hi Rita. You have described your current life so wonderfully well. I am only 21 weeks along this awful grieving journey, I hate going out because of the emptiness at home when I return. I cry so much all the time my eyes are sore and have forgotten how to smile and the loneliness is so consuming. I cannot see a happy future for me. I have been married (yes I believe I am still married) to Peter for 54 wonderful loving years. We were so close we knew what each other were thinking, we knew what answer each other would give. I miss him so much it hurts. If it wasnāt for being able to pour my feelings out on here I think I would curl up and die. I just want Peter home with me. I want someone to comfort me and tell me everything will be alright. But it wonāt ever be will it?
The messages are so sad, Iām in bed crying, lonely, depressed wishing I wasnāt here, Iām 19 weeks into grieving for my husband Peter we were together 39 years we did everything you now heās gone Iām lost heās gone never coming back and it hurts like hell, Iāll never get used to him not being here my life feels like itās over, I wish it was. David
I think we all realise that our dear lost loved ones would definitely not want us to be suffering in this way or tortured with the āwhat ifsā. If there is such a place as the afterlife, are we making them unhappy as they see how we are barely existing, watching our unhappiness & do they feel our pain? They are meant to be in a better place, free of pain, so are we making it worse for them by being in this state?
We have to figure out our route to healing, I donāt think anyone can do it for us. I need to find that route before I go mad.
Morning David ,so here we go another day to face on our own,I did sleep a bit better last night and I did manage to eat something.Going to a group meeting later ,hope you can have a better day . Michael x
Morning Michael Iām feeling low Iām going to the crematorium later to put flowers in the remembrance garden Iāve taken a five year lesson a rose tree so I take flowers it breaks my heart thinking of my poor Peter is not with me, Iām waiting to go on a bereavement course but they donāt know when it will start, Iāve got a phone consultation this afternoon with someone from St Annās Hospice where Peter passed away, I wonāt him back Michael I canāt go on without him these past 19 weeks have been unbearable, hope your day goes well, regards David
I know how you feel David,I find it hard to get through these days without Judith,I still have Judithās ashes with me until the Spring when she wants to go back to Sussex where she was born.I am dreading that because she will be gone from me.I hope your day goes well also David my best to you my friend Michael x
Thank you Michael we both seem to heartbroken and no way out of it my friend. David
Hi i lost my husband in june we did everything together and it devastated me every day i have a big hole that cannot be filled he was my sole mate i am struggling trying tobe normal whatever normal is these days sometimes i just breakdown and sob for hours and cannot stop my eating is all over the place you are not alone
Michael I have my husbandās ashes with me too. And there they will stay until anything happens to me. I have then left instructions, for both of our ashes to be taken to the New Forest and scattered together. Peter was born down there and that is where we both would have liked to live and aspired to be forever. It was not to be whilst he was alive so the least I can do is make sure that that is where we will both be together again. Take care Moira
Hello Moira,Judith left instructions for me to go to Bodiam Castle in Sussex and there to scatter her ashes ,it will break my heart but I will have to do it.Having her here is some consolation. I am suffering today ,it is one of those horrible days when you realise that you are all alone ,I am tremendously sad and unhappy today,I miss her so very much and do not know what to do with myself.I hate my life now it is so meaningless without her by my side. Much love Michael x
Cannot stop thinking about her today,my life so empty now,I really do not want to go on ,I cannot find a reason to go on,she was my world as Peter was to you. Take care today David Michael x
Hi Margret, know how you are feeling, my future feels and looks bleak without my partner, having to cope with the loneliness and isolation. I rarely hear from anyone, family included, guess they have their own lives to lead now, I get it, and wouldnāt like to be a burden anyway, having to manage all the bills on my own, I guess I will have to return to work soon, a stressful, underpaid job at best, so money is going to be tight, and very little to spare to get out and about with, seems like everywhere you go now, you have to pay to get in, that includes hobbies outside the home, having a bad day today, tears are flowing, no hope and no future ā¦ā¦ā¦,
Isnāt it amazing how the dynamics shift immensely when that one person is no longer here. My husband would be astounded to know the utter despair, chaos and hopelessness that his death has had. He was so much to me, to many of our friends & family. He wouldnāt want me feeling like this, not living, just existing & totally broken.
Wish I knew how to get to know what to do, how to find my way.
Thoughts are with you & understanding your pain xx
Maigret
I am 15 weeks in tomorrow from losing my lovely husband Steve, I managed to scrape through my birthday and our 20th anniversary last Saturday by taking my kids out and keeping busy and trying to ignore the date, but when I was alone in bed that night I felt like my tiny fraction of remaining heart was cracking in two, there will be only a tiny bit left for my kids. We are all struggling this week, a tax refund arrived today and I couldnāt stop crying, my dear husband never had one whilst he was here and now I have this money and all I want is him and for us to be just getting by like we always did. I am still not back at work and was planning to go back in December but the closer it gets the more anxious I become, added to the fact that I have had no contact from work since the day after he died. Everything just feels like to much effort.
Many of us are having a bad day today,I am thinking of Judith so much today,8 weeks now for me in this living hell called grief,some days I just cannot eat or sleep,I need her with me ,That is shameful about your place of work.We are all here for you ,just keep writing down your feelings ,let it all go . Love and hugs Michael x
I lost my wife in June and we were sole mates as well as being best friends. She was very strong whilst she was ill and I owe it to her memory to try and be strong now. Sometimes I just breakdown and sob like you, even driving in the car without her by my side can bring on the tears.
There is no other choice but for me to press on with life as best I can.
I wish you well in your struggle people do appear to get some sort of life back eventually lets hope we can all manage it as well.
You will have these days Christine i have them to i just want to put the duvet over my head and not ever come out i just want to be with my hubby jim the omly thing you can do is let it flow when you are exhausted and out of tears you nay be ready to face another day one day st a time mate it is so hard xc
McLean,we were married for 51yrs never been on my own before Iāve always been a strong woman I just feel so vulnerable grief is so painful,never expected this
Heartbroken
Christine x
We would have been married 39 years this year i tried to put decorations up its tsken me 3 days now and still not done the tree this is something we always did together in fact we did everything together thats why its so hard tears flowing writing this grief is so lonely and painful i just feel my heart is broken in so many pieces 
Hi Bob
I am sure things will get easier , and we have to live on and our loved one would want that for us.
No time limit, just keep going best as you can.
Your cruise will have good and sad times , happy memories and moments of sadness, you are trying to make a life. I wish you all the best and hope things do get easier to bear. XChristina