Indescribable grief

Any body that has lost a loved one like a parent knows how bad it is, but no one could have prepared me for the sudden loss of my wife 5 weeks ago, I cannot even begin to describe how I feel, lost, lonely, cheated for a start, We were married for 47 years and she would have been 70 today, she was my life , we shared everything and I don’t know how I’m going to come to terms with what’s happened, my appetite has gone and the stress and anxiety is at a peak, I know of course I’m not alone and would like to hear from people in similar circumstances on how your doing.

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Hi Dunkico
Well I am 17 months in and have somewhat relatively good days, well hours in the day. I do find I have no time for people outside of my home. Everyone just annoys me.
I have zero patience for the selfish outside of my home. I can get angry at the drop of a hat. I can laugh now without the awful guilt that accompanies it.
But I still cannot get my head around what was the point in it all. Why did we love so much for it to be taken away.
I dont understand the point in life at all.
I am neither depressed or happy. I am a mixture of all emotions at any given time.
I ask myself daily what really is the point what is it about now. I cannot find the answer. I dont think there is one.

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So sorry to hear of your loss.

You will probably hear this a hundred times over but it is very early days for you.
Although I am further down the line then you and I most certainly still have a lot of bad days, there is a slight shift on coping every day.
So although you don’t think it’s going to get any easier there is a glimmer of hope. Believe me.

Posting on this site has been so helpful. Everyone is so supported so please continue to reach out. We all understand the pain, we are all feeling it so maybe this puts us in the best position to support you.

Take care

Dee xxxx

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Hello,
So sorry for your loss.
I lost my 25 year old daughter 12 weeks ago. It was sudden she had a blood clot on her lung. It’s devastating to know I will not see her again. I was doing ok until we had a church service on Sunday and now I feel I have gone back to the start. It’s the deepest sorrow I feel ill can’t eat or sleep. I’m doing all the things that your supposed to do go for a walk keep busy but it doesn’t help. I can only take a day at a time and even though it’s not the right thing I prefer to be alone as then I don’t have to justify my feelings or actions.
Grief is like the weather the storm clouds come then the rain and briefly the sun comes out.
There is great support on hear and it helps to hear others we are all on this path of grief.

MrsMac

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dunckio,know just how your feeling my husband passed away just over 5weeks ago,didn’t know grief could be so painful takes my breath away,we were married 51yrs looking forward to the future I also have no appetite can’t cook if not for Steve,absolutely heartbroken, I hate life without him,on this forum you can express your emotions nobody questions anything you say.Take care x

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So sorry for your loss, I totally get where you are coming from about not wanting to be around people other than your family, my younger sister was taken suddenly from us 4 months ago, a part of me died that day too, my husband doesn’t understand and the only people I feel safe with are my other sisters, brothers and parents, my Dad was given a month to live but has made 4 months so far. Until I lost my sister my sister I had no clue, losing my aunt and grandparents I felt such sadness but this is so painful too.

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Hi lean.mil
My sister passed almost 6 years now . It was a shock because she was only 50.
I think each loss affects us so differently. A parent we expect they will pass befor us, its the natural order of life but still we dont think about it not until they become unwell or start to need our help much more. Our siblings well for me it was not something I thought about more so really because age was on our side. But it happened and the sadness that theyre not here to share our children grow up, they dont get the pleasure from watching the grandkids and theyre not there to just pop by for the daily catch up. Its all just so sad. I hope your dad continues to defy the timeline and you get to enjoy his company much more

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@duncklco I lost my husband and soul mate 5 weeks ago and I have never felt pain like it. He was 51 3 days before he died and it was very unexpected.

I work from home and the place seems so empty. I can only sit in the living room for a couple of hours at most in the evening as I just keep looking at his empty chair and my already broken heart breaks even more.

I struggle to eat, sleep and I don’t really want to see anyone, it’s just hard and I struggle to see any type of happy future. Take care

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Hour by hour is the only way, even then when you think you are starting to cope the tears just appear out of nowhere, I keep catching myself thinking I must phone rebecca and ask her, but I can’t and it all starts again, so sad, take care everyone and don’t be hard on yourselves, allow yourselves to grieve no matter how long it takes, they says tears are the words we cannot express x

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My husband of 41 years died in January, it is such a hard time. Some friends have been very supportive and my two sons try to sympathise but have there own families. I stayed in a hotel for the first time on my own which was a strange experience. Think that Christmas may be difficult.

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Hi my lovely wife passed away from bladder cancer 5 weeks ago and I am not coping at all.I am in deep shock,pain,anguish and not accepting that she is gone.32 years together,I do not know how to carry on ,I am 76 now and the future looks very scary to me without her by my side.I hear what you say they are our life and soul what do we do without them.So I am not doing at all well in answer to your question,you are not alone in the terrible journey/ordeal .Michael.

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I woke up this morning thinking I must ask Ian a question but he passed away 20 weeks today.
As you say, often tears appear out off nowhere as they are now.
The empty, quiet house and accompanying loneliness are just too much to bear at times and so I take myself off in Ian’s car to one of our favourite haunts. I can sit there for hours, not caring that the floors need washing and the furniture dusting.
I’m having counselling as Ian passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Everything is as he left it and I just want him to come back ….

Julie x

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It’s just so awful, but hopefully talking can help carry the pain, my next step is drs to help as I’m not sleeping well, the text that were sent before she was taken about the pain she was in, the hospital sending her home, her hope for getting g well as we didn’t know how ill she was until she was gone,[edited by admin for distressing content], then the postmortem revealed cancer had taken over her womb, stomach, virgina, liver and her lymphatic system, she was diagnosed with a low grade, slow spreading cancer so they just ignored her when she was telling them she was ill, put her in antibiotics and said it was gallstones, I’m so angry with the NHS as they killed her in my opinion

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I hear you Jane. We are at a similar timeline as I lost my wife on 4th October following a very brief illness in hospital.

She was only 54 and I am only 49. We were together for 28 years. Next year would’ve been our 25th wedding anniversary and is my 50th. We had so much planned - Paris for our anniversary and a cruise for my 50th.

The grief is so overwhelming and all consuming at times that I feel totally floored by it. I also work from home which is tough as there feels no escaping the emptiness of the house which no longer feels ‘homely’. This is made worse by the fact my wife was a childminder and so our house was always full of joy and laughter of the children. I miss my wife and also miss the atmosphere of what was our home.

I have to take myself off for walks but it seems everything I do, see or feel is a grief trigger for what was before. It’s hard not to feel cheated when you feel that you were only half way through your life journey together.

Take care of yourself.

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@IJB I totally get how you are feeling and so sorry for the loss of your precious wife.

It doesn’t matter what I do it triggers something, even something as simple as loading the dish washer, as Scott always said I didn’t do it right and would move everything, but we used to laugh about it and how I miss that laughter.

Sometimes I am glad to work from home as I don’t have the energy to leave the house and I can cry whenever it comes over me, but it is also very lonely.

We have been cheated and life just seems so cruel and I cannot look into the future without Scott, because, like you, everything we planned was together.

Sending love, take care x

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Oh my dear that is just the way I feel,the loneliness ,the empty house,it is too much to bear.Housework can wait until you feel a bit better if ever.Yes I just want my darling wife back.Michael.

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Hi Tillwemeetagain

I lost my husband 18 weeks ago and I feel exactly like you. What is the point of going on? I really cannot tolerate people around me, I get angry , sad, tearful all the time and am very bitter. It seems so unfair, I don’t feel any better now than when it happened. I just want to be on my own yet I feel so lonely all the time.

I read a passage today : “You never get over the loss but you learn to live with it”. Can we ever hope this may come true do you think?

Thinking everyone on here. Moira

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Hi Moira
There is always hope of course.
Yes we do learn to live with it but its not the same life at all. We are forever changed. It is only us that can keep us on track. You can have councelling and talk to others but at the end of each day you get into bed alone and wake alone. I think I lost myself.
I have no answers this far along, it is how it is I cannot find my way to change it. I say I am not happy yet not sad. I am not depressed. I feel like I have no way forward and going back is not possible. So I sit in the now and dislike what it has to offer hopeful that one day I will wake and find myself again

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Moira,we will never get over it,how on earth are you supposed to live with seeing your lovely partner pass away like that.I feel all the emotions you do,feel so lonely all the time ,the pain of loneliness as well.The thought of spending the rest of your life without them is just horrendous.Love to you all on here who are suffering.Michael.

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My heart goes out to you all, I list my partner of 39 years the last 6 years we were married, I’m heartbroken it’s been 16 weeks since Peter died of stomach cancer it was so quick he went in hospital in June and they said he had about 4 weeks to live and it was 4 weeks when he died, part of me died with him I’m crying every day I’m getting some help from Maggies Bereavement Centre near where I live but it can’t bring him back, I have no future to look forward to just grief and unhappiness, I’m lonely friends have asked me out but I don’t want to go anywhere without Peter it’s just horrendous. David

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