Advice needed! Since my brother died at Christmas, I’ve heard very little from my in-laws in terms of them showing any concern or interest in how I’m coping. In fact, the last phone call we had, the subject of my brother’s death was quickly changed to how my husband’s auntie had had some logs delivered for her fire! I’ve been their daughter/sister/niece in law for 20 years. I’m due to see them at the weekend and I just don’t know how to best respond to the inevitable’How are you?’ question when all I want to say is ‘You’d 
-ing know if you ever bothered to ask!’
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Firstly I’m sorry for your loss.
Do you know if they have ever lost someone close is their “usual” reaction towards an uncomfortable topic?
A lot of people don’t talk about grief they find it too uncomfortable which isn’t good it makes the grieving person feel more isolated but it may be that they just don’t know what to say or they don’t want to upset you.
I’m really lucky I one way my MIL lost her mum quite young like me. So she gets it. And my FIL lost both his parents in 2 years and both check in on me from time to time unlike my own family who " don’t want to bring it up and make you sad".
I’m sorry your in this situation but maybe if they ask how are you say, I’m not doing too great griefs hard ATM and see what they say…
Im so sorry for your loss.
I too haven’t heard from anyone from my husbands side of the family. Last time I saw my husband’s dad since the Monday he was in the hospital, he left the hospital and didn’t say thank you for letting me stay the night.( which I expected as he was that kind of person).
Day before the funeral he told our daughter that he was ill, Mark understood as his dad is 82, and its a long way to travel from South Wales.
I found out from his best friend that he wasn’t ill, he thought his best friend would drive him down until he found out he was getting the train and didn’t want to pay for a ticket. Not one person of his family came.
I’m sorry you’ve experienced loss and feel let down by people too. It really gets to you doesn’t it? I don’t want to rock the boat and create friction but at the same time, I know they are at fault here, not me. At Christmas, my brother obviously died, my mother in law sent me a message telling me that some aunties, uncles and cousins wish us a happy Christmas! Not ‘they’re thinking of you’ or anything like that. We spoke to the inlaws on the phone on Christmas Day, my brother wasn’t mentioned once. I get so angry when I think about it, then I feel angrier because it’s them occupying my thoughts when it should be my brother and my family.
Thank you. 
My FIL was a vicar & the inlaws are all churchgoers so they’re no strangers to people grieving. I just get so angry whenever I think about it. I’ve been going through the worst time of my life and I hear nothing from them, or when I do, it’s just usual stuff, not even preceded by ‘how are you?’ I just don’t know what to say to them when I see them
I know it sounds horrible but when my mother in law was alive his dad never really bothered with us, it was only when she passed and he had no-one that he would start to call my husband more, he even asked him if he he could move in ( I said if he moves in then I would move out).
My husband’s parents always made me feel like an outsider in my own home when they came to visit. When his mum was in hospital (later we found out she took an overdose) we travelled to South Wales and went to the hospital, our son and I sat in the car for 9 hours waiting while my husband was in the hospital then we stayed at his parents house for the week, we’d taken a week off work so he could visit his mum, I bought the shopping for a week.
While we were there, its was November and freezing and his dad wouldn’t put the heat on until my husband lost it and said turn it on (he turned it on for 10 minutes). I stayed at the house while they went to the hospital, my husband rang me asking me what I was doing I told him I was sat in the dark, he said turn the lights on when they came back his dad took the bulbs out.
His mum came out and they told me and our son to leave while the doctors came as they didn’t want me there.
Friday came and we were ready to go, his dad said thanks son for the shopping but you can go now.
Update! So, after dreading how to respond to the ‘How are you?’ question, it was actually far worse than I anticipated. Not one of my inlaws asked me how I was at all! Two of them didn’t even say hello to me. They all just carried on as normal with their cringeworthy guffawing and self indulgent conversations as if i weren’t there. This was the first time they’d seen me since my brother’s death. Not a single mention of my brother, asking how my parents were coping, his children, nothing, not any reference to any of it whatsoever. I have realised how little I really mean to them. For a bunch of Christians, I cannot believe how unchristian they truly are. I really am getting through this on my own aren’t I?
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I know how you feel, my husband’s family haven’t asked me how im doing, last time I saw his dad and nephew was the monday my husband was on the ward. He stayed in our house overnight as they travelled from south Wales.
They didn’t come to his funeral, the day before his funeral, our daughter received a text from her grampy saying he was ill and wouldn’t be coming (I didn’t mind as he is 82). His best friend told us he was expecting him to bring them in his car until he told them he was getting the train and didn’t want to pay for a ticket.
No one from my husband’s side came to his funeral and ive not heard from them at all. They always made me feel like an outsider.
I miss him everyday and struggling without him, I feel like half of me is missing and I’ve lost my best friend and soul mate
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