My darling husband died of congestive cardiac failure at 5.00am 5 Feb this year. Imprinted for ever on my mind. He wasn’t the easiest man to get on with in fact he was a bit like Marmite.He joined the RN when he was 16 and then the Police. He’d been married twice and had other relationships; we met on a dating site, single mother, never been married before. He told me that he wished he met me earlier and that he had never loved anyone as much as he loved me. If we came back in another life he would come and find me and that’s how I felt about him. My BFF of 60 odd years rings me up and keeps on about me still being young I’m 68 and I will find myself another man. I have told her time and time again that I haven’t even been widowed 11 weeks and to drop it, yet still she persists.
Your friend just doesn’t get it.
I am 55 and widowed 16 months,
I am not even interested in ever finding anyone else,
he was my soulmate.
I was married once before and when I met K I was so happy to be his wife. It’s all I need now xxxx
I’m not sure why people insist on having conversations that seem to brush grief under the carpet like after a couple of weeks and a good cry your over it like a teenage breakup - it is really insensitive and I’m sorry there’s that on top of your loss
Much love
@Camembert, I so sorry for your loss and your friend was so insensitive.
Someone at my church said a similar thing to me, your young enough to start a new life.
They don’t seem to understand you were perfectly happy with the life you had before fate intervened. I am just over a year since my husband died and not interested in seeking anyone else, I love the man I was married to and that is enough in one life time for me.
For you it’s still so new and must be very upsetting. I hope you friend gets it soon and stops nagging you.
Take care, Debbie X
Your friend is being insensitive for definite but it probably doesn’t come from a bad place. Sometimes people who care about us look at our grief as a problem to fix. Sometimes they try to solve it with activities or gentle encouragement or take the angle thar your friend is taking. Whilst I’m sure it’s upsetting and maybe even annoying try to remember that it probably comes from a good place. The problem is that she isn’t you and doesn’t understand how you are feeling.
The first time it was upsetting but I was okay but the second time was too much and even after I repeatedly asked her to stop, she kept on. I am meeting with her next month, if she starts again it might just be the end of a long friendship.
So much love and hugs. I don’t understand how people expect us to get over someone who we have loved dearly for decades in weeks, months or however long they decide. We will never stop missing them. I’m reading a book on grief that says the 6-7 month mark is actually the hardest. The numbness wears off over time and we come to face life without our special person more and more, and those around us feel we should feel better already. Don’t let anyone tell you how or how long to grieve. If some of those close to you don’t listen, my advice would be to take a little space from them… Do what you know is best for yourself xxxx
Talking to a friend recently that lost her mum shortly before my husband. Both agreed the second year is quite tough too . You don’t have that, this time last year we were…
You only have memories of all consuming grief. 