I lost my dad august 11th 2020.
He was 50 years old just as my mom was 50 and I was 23.
I’m from the Netherlands.
So if there are grammatical fault or anything I’m sorry.
Dutch is my first language.
We just had lunch, he was gonna use the loo and then he came back sweating and said he had puked. That night my mom rung the hospital and they needed to come.
He was white as a ghost, he was not very relaxed, went up and down from his bed downstairs then up and again and saying things that weren’t right.
My dad had problems with his liver.
They checked him in at the hospital.
Due to covid I wasn’t allowed to visit so my mom was the visitor because I would her to visit her husband.
He got morphine to help with any pain.
The next morning my mum rung him and they talked.
Later we got a phone call from the hospital that they were about to be checking on my dad and found him unconscious and blue around the lips.
They reanimated and incubated him.
Also they kept him asleep/in coma.
He never woke up.
All his organs were failing.
So we had to decide to stop his treatment.
He passed away unexpectedly in 4 days.
It’s a good 1.5 year later and I’m still struggling.
The day of his 1.5 year since passing I decided to seek help.
Tomorrow I’ve got the first conversation.
I try to do everything that my dad wants me to do I think/hope.
I also write letters to him and that really helps me.
Everyone griefs differently and that’s okay.
You do you.
I also look like my dad and miss him dearly every second of every day.
- have you got any experiences with therapy to cope with your grief? Was is useful?
So so sorry for your loss. It is so painful. I can totally relate to your pain. My mom passed away unexpectedly 3 weeks ago. She was only 58 and fit. So it was a shock to all of us. I am a wreck. I don’t leave my bed. I don’t have the motivation to do anything. My mom is my everything. I can’t picture my life without her.
Couple of things which help me keep going-
1- knowing that we all are going to die. Nothing and no one is permanent. I have also watched ‘Near death experience’ videos on YouTube and they comforted me. I am hopeful that when I die, I will meet my mom.
2- watching grief coping videos, reading articles and reading and actively participating in this site. There are so many people like us who are going through this unbearable pain and they all are here to help.
3- my doctor has prescribed me anti depressants and sleep medication. These are helping me
4- writing everything I want to say to my mom in a diary.
5- keeping her picture close to me.
6- talking to my sister, brother in law, bf and dad.
I have isolated myself from everyone else. (I won’t recommend that, but it’s just how I want)
7- have started bereavement counselling and it is helping me. You can be totally open with them and no need to have any filters. It helps me vent out as well and my therapist has suggested some coping mechanisms.
Please take care. Won’t ask you to stay strong because that’s not an easy option. You will be weak because this is a tremendous loss but try to gain some strength for yourself and other loved ones slowly day by day.
Thank you for sharing your story, and welcome to this online community of people who wknow what it is like to lose a loved one and who are trying to support each other. I hope that you find it helpful to read the posts and repleis from others who have lost a parent. I lost my dad 5 years ago and my mum a year later. I am from the Netherlands too, so if you would like to ‘chat’ with someone in Dutch, feel free to send me a private message. There is also a Dutch website that you may find helpful this is the link to it: https://www.wietroostmij.nl/
Dankje voor de site!
Zal een bezoekje brengen.