So it’s been seven weeks today since I lost my partner completely out of the blue. I still get emotional a few times a day but I’m “Ok” some of the time too. Recently I’ve started having nightmares about him. Last night I dreamt he was pushing his way through a locked door with a knife to harm me
It absolutely broke my heart that I dreamt of him in that way. He wouldn’t hurt anyone, he was such a loving person. Why am I dreaming and thinking bad things of him now?
There was no goodbye because it was so sudden and in my mind it feels like we’ve left each other on bad terms even though I know we hadn’t. We hadn’t argued or anything and we’d cuddled up on the sofa watching a film the night before so it’s completely irrational for me to feel this way. I feel sometimes like if there is anything after death maybe he doesn’t even like me as a person anymore. I feel like I took him for granted sometimes and let him down. I had no feelings like this before he died. We were happy. It doesn’t make any sense to me but it’s breaking my heart.
I feel like I need him to tell me we’re ok and obviously he can’t.
Has anyone else ever had dreams about their partners trying to hurt them after they passed? I’m wondering if it’s linked to the fact I feel so guilty that he died even though I know I couldn’t control his heart. I feel guilty that I’m trying to do things and see friends again because I know I can’t stay in bed crying any longer, he always told me he’d break his heart to see me the way I am so I know I’m being irrational there too.
So far I haven’t been in touch with any grief support helplines or anything do you think this is something that they could help with?
I’m so relieved that you have posted this as I have had the same irrational thoughts.
And the nightmares but they have since passed and now I have nice dreams of him or none at all.
I seriously questioned every aspect of us and found it very unsettling. My councillor told me to focus only on the facts, what you absolutely know. Apparently it’s quite common to try and fill in bits with false facts.
Why, I’ve no idea but it’s quite common in grief.
I hate myself for thinking and dreaming bad things about him. He didn’t have a bad bone in his body
I did wonder if it’s my brains way of pushing him away to help me get through the grief? It’s bloody cruel and it just makes any feelings of guilt I have ten times worse.
Why do our own minds torture us like this?
@LostLil
I find im having irrational thoughts i haven’t dreamed of Jane or had any sign that she is with me and now i sometimes wonder did she not really like me is that why ive had no sign, her adopted daughter has dreamt about her and so has one of her close friends, but me nothing. I know she was in love with me as i was her but still cant dismiss the negative thoughts i have.
I really wish i could move on from this as its 12 weeks tomorrow and im finding its draining my energy more and more. I seem to have a ok day but the next day will be awful as if its making up for the ok day i had.
This is the hardest thing ive ever had to deal with and i sometimes wish i could go back a year or forward a year instead of being stuck in this living nightmare
Just because they dreamt about her and you didn’t doesn’t mean she didn’t love you I’m sure you’ll dream about her in time and I hope they are pleasant dreams.
I think our dreams are just random rubbish our brains come up with tbh. There’s absolutely no sense whatsoever in me dreaming that about my OH, the only thing that I can think is it’s because I’m feeling so guilty and generally rubbish about everything.
I hope they don’t persist. I really can’t cope with this much longer
I also feel guilty for things that I wish I had said and what I didn’t say and not noticing that my husband was so ill. Went to work on the Saturday and had a phone call on the Sunday from my son to say that my husband had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. He was just 53. I feel guilty that I wasn’t there when he died. I hate having dreams of my husband because when I wake up he isn’t next to me and the nightmare starts again. I think our grief is so intense that our brains are scrambled and so tired. I really don’t think our partners come to us in our dreams and that is our brain processing our thoughts. My dream are so weird and don’t make sense. Most of the time I can’t remember them.
I agree, I also don’t believe the dreams are “visitations”, I dreamt Stacey Slater stopped me in a corridor to say sorry to hear about your partner, what happened?
Seriously, what on earth is that about?
A girl who served me once in my local poundstretchers showed up in my dreams a long time ago and I was a bit baffled as to why as it’s not like I know her. Dreams are just random rubbish our brains come up with I think but I’d still like to have some pleasant dreams about him
I’d just like to have one where he gives me one of his massive hugs and grinds his teeth a little as he squeezes, I miss them hugs
I wish I could remember any of my dreams but I don’t!! Never have done unless I woke up from a nightmare. I don’t have a lot of videos of her just pictures I would love to see her in my dreams just to hear her voice again.
@LostLil I’ve had several dreams where I’ve thought I’d split up with my partner because we’d argued . I woke thinking I would text him to to sorry and could we get back together. We never argued. When reality hit I remembered that I couldn’t text him to come back because he was gone.
Left me feeling even more sad when it happened. I do wonder if I dreamt that because we never got to say goodbye. He died from a heart attack at work. I think it is just our brains trying to process what’s happened
@LostLil
Oh i have proper weird and wonderful dreams. Rather weirdly about 2 or 3 months before Jane passed i actually dreamed that she had died and woke up in a panic to find her still laying next to me. Only wish the passed 12 weeks were a dream and not reality.
I talk and shout in my sleep and quite often im told im playing football🤷♂️ from the shouting going on!
Does make you realise how little we know of how our brain works, i had an accident in my late teens and it was quite horrific, anyway i got told dont look, so what did u do… now i can remember before and after the accident but the bit where i looked at my injury is on acess denied!!! Cant get my brain to show me like my brain is in charge of what i can and cant have in my memory
I dont really think we should read too much into dreams. They can take different forms and are often irrational and very seldom bear any resemblance to reality.
We all dream whether we are concious of it or not. I hardly ever remember anything about any dreams but after Ann passed i was sat here feeling very low and sorry for myself barely ever seeing another human.
It just popped into my head that I was very lonely and just needed a good old fashioned cuddle. Well that same night in a vivid dream Ann came in the room and gave me a huge cuddle.
I dont know what happened or why it happened. Was it my unconscious brain giving me what i needed or something else? I do know it made me feel better though albeit for a brief time. I havnt dreamed since or if I have done there is no recollection.
Im just five weeks in tomorrow and floundering. Im trying to keep as busy as i can. Sometimes it helps others not.
