For the last few days I have been settled, at one with the world , (well after the online service during which Helen was mentioned.) BUT
The person who “I am so sorry to hear about Helen, I don’t know what you are feeling, you must be devastated,” Now Martin our priest had been full on with the sequence of events and of our feelings," but this person must have had a kettle boiling, and missed some of the plot" as I expected that you’de rather not dwell on it". They go to a group and start owning my thoughts words etc saying on how I ought to be left at this time. 2. Of the 8, 4 have a discussion and resolved to get other congregation friends to watch me as I am heading for a breakdown.
3 walk over “oh I say we just heard”, motivation?? , (my hidden thought pse go away),
That was Sunday,
2 days then of comparatively being at peace resolved on the way to coming to terms. Pleasant convivial etc.
THEN Bevis and Buthead husbands of two in the 8, well the burns from the spyglass pressed towards my kneck are the catalyst, the conversation of “he’s close to emotional breakdown”, and today I am snapping at silly things.
I am angry because they expect and are wanting me to fulfill their needs.
THEY find it difficult to know what to say, in which case it’s better to say nothing. Huh!!! Three months? He ought to be over it by now’. Yes, I have actually heard that said!! You have your own needs and you don’t need anyone to tell you. If you ask for advice or help from an understanding person then fair enough. But remarks about ‘breakdowns’ and such help not one bit. People ‘project’ their own thoughts onto others. They see you as how they would be in the same circumstances, and imagine their views to be right when they have no idea of the suffering involved.
Don’t get angry with them, ‘for they know not what they do’.
If you have any salt in the house take a pinch of it when you hear such nonsense.
Take care of yourself. John.
Sorry about that Colin. They have no idea what to say or even do. They are not the first and neither will they be the last ones. But it hurts so bad when they blabber away in the wrong ways too!
I experienced lots of such behaviour by people who genuinely want to be nice but mess up big time! Even in the Bible we find Job’s 3 friends coming to comfort him and travelling a long way for this purpose. They start off well by being quiet for 7 days and 7 nights and just sitting with him without uttering a word. That is the best comfort they could have ever given him because the moment they opened their mouths to speak they messed it all up! I am a very strong believer in silence when it comes to comforting the grieving and I am working on a book solely on this … well modifying my masters thesis which I did, defended and published in 2017 solely on the subject of silence in comforting the bereaved. People need to learn that silence is such comfort!