I attend a support group which caters for mental health. Today at the group a lady who I have become close friends with, launched into sharing her problem. Her son has bought her a dog and he is not sharing the responsibilities of walking dog etc! As well she briefly discussed something about a past awful experience. Unfortunately this took up the whole session, which did not give anyone else an opportunity to talk. I was feeling so annoyed and pd off with her, as I lost my mum in February and it is my mum’s birthday Saturday followed by the 6 month anniversary of her passing. Naturally I am going through a range of emotions. I found myself feeing really angry about this. She knows what has been going on in my life un yet she talked for the whole session about what I consider trivial aside from the awful past experience. I have heard so many times how her sons are disrespectful and how the dog is to much for her to cope with and her son just bought the dog home. I am sorry about this but I really felt I need to rant here. Are others feeling the same when they here something that they feel is so trivial?
Thank you for listening and any advice or support.
Thank you so much for bravely sharing the experience that you had at the support group you attended. Grief is such a unique experience for each person, but it’s completely normal to have these kinds of emotions.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Please do take care of yourself,
Online Community Team
Hi I can understand how you feel in a different way, I lost my son in March to a drugs overdose and waiting for the inquest, my so called best friend throughout this has in some ways been so kind, however she has listened to ridiculous gossip, passed it back to me which really annoyed me, I can do without it, just like you can. All my friend does is talk about her ailments, I believe most of them are in her head, talks about herself constantly and never even asks me how I am. I am that totally fed up with her selfishness I see less of her. I haven’t even told her when the inquest is. I’m sorry your session wasn’t as you had hoped, it was a shame the person leading the session didn’t say anything to her to allow others to speak. It’s not a nice feeling. I went to a counselling group several years ago after my son overdosed on herion, the group was great and everyone was allowed time to speak or just sit quietly. I hope next time you it’s better for you. Have a good rant on hear, everyone understands xx
Shelly yes i get impatient with women who go on talking too long as if their needs over ride everyone else’s.
I like being on zoom so I can easily switch off and leave.
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son.
I honestly do not blame you in distancing yourself from this so called friend. I have done the same with my friend. I just cannot tolerate listening to problems that she can control. That is so inconsiderate of your friend in feeding back ridiculous gossip. It is the last thing you need to hear. I think it is in times like these we learn who are our true friends. Similarly I have distanced myself from a couple of neighbours! One of the eve of my mum’s funeral asked if had any incontinence pads! Another asked the week after if I have got the ashes back! This was a neighbour who said my mum was like a mum to her, unyet she could not even say have you got your mum’s ashes back. Finally a week after mum’s funeral another neighbour asked how I was, I shrugged my shoulders and she asked what was wrong!! She then went onto ask what was happening about my mum’s house! I think we just have to avoid these insensitive people for self preservation. Thank you so much for listening and understanding xxx
Thank you. My so called best friend is doing my head in with all her negativity and my partner is not impressed either. She told me the other day she thought I needed to see a doctor🤷♀️. I asked my partner do I need to see a doctor and he said why…I explained what she had said and he was so annoyed about her. I had the same when my dad passed away someone who I knew 2 days after he had passed away saying you will have to sell his house. I was raging, held back, but the day of his funeral I saw her, out of the front door if my Dads house, where we still live( I’ve still got my other house) and let rip into her…. I felt so good afterwards. I have enough to deal with without a moaning friend about her health. I haven’t seen her for nearly 2 weeks, but seeing her for a quick walk in the morning… I’m concerned that one of the days my mouth will run away with me. Sorry moaning on about something that is petty compared to other things . Big hug and thank you xx
Yes think very sensitive time when you’re upset. I seem to take comments to heart too. In my mind I feel hurt but can never think what to say at the time and stay in too to avoid people.
Nosey neighbours said “When are you going to get rid of his car? It is not worth anything”. What has it got to do with them? Just because they like to foist their opinion around. I am not sure what I wish they would say. Hence stay in a lot.
I want to go and see friend’s puppies but hesitate to make appointment as I get such bad days. Guess should just take bull by horns and check if it is
Ok when can. Not feel upset if she can’t as doing something else.
Animals tops at moment although my cat seems to have dementia and knocked over my pyrex dish smashing it.
Nice having cuddle when she purrs.
It sounds like your friend is all about herself, might be an idea to see her as little as you can or not at all if possible!
That is so insensitive, how sad is it that at a time of grief and loss, it is as if they vultures have to get their food! I honestly do not blame letting rip with the women who was saying you would have to sell the house and I am glad it felt good for you. Perhaps it might help her to think the next time. Mind you I do wonder if she is just one of those people who just loves a bit of gossip and drama! Sadly we do seem to have these people around, with nothing going on in their lives that they have to feed of other peoples situations!
I hope you are doing ok and please dont worry about moaning as we need to get these things off our chest somehow.
Take good care of yourself xx
Everything feels, and generally is, trivial when you’ve been through a loved ones death, particularly if it’s a difficult drawn out death.
I’ve always been of the opinion until you’ve walked a mile in someone’s shoes, you’re not in a position to have an opinion or judge.
Since my partners death, this couldn’t be more true.
People who’ve walked this road have precious little advice, except there is no advice - it’s your own path and you have to deal with it in your own way and make it up as you go along.
People who’ve never walked this path should have the common sense to know they are not in a position to offer advice when they have no point of reference.
Unfortunately common sense isn’t that common and arm chair, YouTube viewing psychologists are everywhere. Watch a Ted Talk and are experts.
I had to deal with expert holistic cancer experts for 11 months - smoke a joint and problem solved - and now, post mortem, they’re suddenly converted to psychology experts.
I’ve started to see a lot less of her at the moment. Can’t cope with it, plus listening to gossip, I haven’t even told her when the inquest is as I know she will blab. I am not embarrassed about my son at all losing his life to a drugs overdose as I know for 14 years I did everything I could to help him. I just want to keep it private at the moment, as I have so much to deal with, yesterday I was a mess, today ok…so far. Thank you for your time replying xx
Good for you, you don’t need her negativity around you. You don’t have to tell her anything about when the inquest it is non of her business, or anyone’s come to that. I can only try and imagine how you feel, and you have done everything you can for your son. Please try not to worry about other people’s judgements or opinions. I truly feel people need to be examining their own lives, as obviously something is not right in hers to be so into what is happening with you. Glad to hear you are having a better day so far. It is like that one day you can be ok and another you dont event want to get out of bed. I did not get up until 12.45 yesterday! Apologies for not having replied sooner, I struggle some days to respond to texts messages and phone calls. Hope the rest of your weekend goes ok. Take care xx
Thanks for the message. Weekend not been too bad thank you.
Yep def don’t need negative people around me. I need to stop thinking people are gossiping….they do in a small village. I have stated to put photos in my son onto a memory stick today, I’ve looked at the photo of when he was a baby and thought how and why a million times, then I remember addiction is an illness…it seems to help me a bit. How are you doing xx
So sorry for not replying sooner.
I have not had a great week, really struggling with missing my mum.
No I think it is best to avoid negative people, otherwise they only bringI you down with them. I think a lot of people gossip because they do not have anything going on in their life’s!
Aw that must have been hard, putting your sons photos on a memory stick. I can only try and imagine how heart breaking it must be for you to look at his baby photo. My heart goes out to you. I hope you have a good bank holiday weekend, or as well as can be expected with the grief you are going through.
Take care xxx
I too must apologise for late reply, I’m sorry you have had a hard week. The coroner has brought my sons inquest forward, which is good, however I was so unprepared to read the bundle from the coroner. It arrived Thursday and I spent the rest of that day and yesterday beside myself, I was actually loosing the plot with grief. I was so kniave to the post mortem report….well I’ve never read one before to be honest. It really destroyed me but I’m a bit better today. Please keep messaging and in touch. Take care big hugs xx
At the worst time of your life I’d say we’ve every right to be annoyed. And more!
Two and a half years ago I lost my husband suddenly.
A "friend"and neighbour of nearly 40years - the conversation was always about her, her husband , her dogs - the final straw for me was when I said I really missed hubby’s shirts on the line - she laughed and asked “are you just going to keep them & put them out from time to time”!!
I appreciate she may not have known what to say but after a few questionable comments I have had to distance myself from her.
I’m sorry for the loss of your husband, but hope you have lots of happy memories. Yes I have distanced myself for who long enough who knows as I can’t take the negativity, never asks how I am or ever mentions my sons name. Take care xx
Yes devastating things we have to do and face. Each story I read reminds me of that such heartache being faced not only me but all of us together so
Praying for everyone now.
All facing heart ache, never experienced pain like it, thought the loss of my parents was bad, but nothing like the loss of my son. Thank goodness we have this forum when you realise you are not alone xx
I am so sorry to hear of the distress it caused you to have a bundle from the coroner. It must have been so hard to deal with. I hope the days are becoming a little easier after such a massive shock.
I am waiting to here from the hospital I put in a complaint to the hospital about the cause of mum’s passing and on some of the treatment etc. I know that they are going to come back with a transparent account, as they all stick together! I am still dreading receiving it. I want to try and get some justice for the series of events before my mums passing.
I hope things are better for you now. It is strange how some days are ok and others are bad!
Take good care of yourself xxx
Thank you Shelly2. It has broken me reading it, but have spent most of the morning re reading it and making some notes as it all so medical. I really hope you get somewhere with the hospital. All this on top of our loss doesn’t help us. Think a coroner thinks we are medical experts🤷♀️. Take care of yourself xx