Is it normal to grieve this long?

My mum died in 2011 when I was 21. Fast forward to 2024 im 33 with a partner and 3 young children. When my mum passed away I went into a shell I was numb and pushed away all the people that cared for me. I felt at the time I didn’t want the attention/ the help or even the drama. Looking back now, I feel like I handled it all wrong. It’s affected me in so many ways and I find things so difficult more than ever (yes still to this present day.). My grief and loneliness has built and built since that day in 2011 I put on a strong persona for my dad and siblings but I just can’t cope anymore. I miss my mum my best friend the only person that’s ever understood me. Do I grieve forever? Do I miss her forever? Or is there any advice that people can give me to live in the moment and cherish the memories. Thank you


I lost my dad in 2015, then my beloved wife in 2017, then my mum in 2021. Our boys were 13 and 14. The 13 yr old went to grief counseling, the 14 yr old refused to go. I was told I can’t make him because he is 14. He has struggled and at the time, the Canadian mental health organization told me he might want to seek counciling when he is in his 20’s.

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First of all, you didn’t handle it all wrong, we all grieve differently, your way got you through the immediate aftermath. You mentioned your husband and 3 children, they are positives in your life. No one knows how we will cope in the future. Why shouldn’t you grieve for your mother still, she was a huge part of your life. Good luck in the future.

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I think becoming a father brought back all the grief and forgotten memories I had with my mum if that makes sense. Yes they are big positives don’t know were I would be without them all. Thank you for the kind words

Yes my siblings at the time were 15&16 they both received help and have benefited massively from it. I think having kids of my own brings back a lot of memories and feelings of my own childhood - then you get the realisation that she’s not her to see all this. Thank you for the reply, hope your doing okay & staying strong :+1:t2:

I think you probably will grieve forever, sorry to say it. My Dad died in 1981 when I was 18. I never had any support whatsoever, a week off college then back to “normal”, everything swept under the carpet. My Mum withdrew into herself, but she had lots of people around her. Ours was a loving family but that all stopped as soon as Dad passed. I left home a year later.
I believe that if you don’t get the support you need at the time, it will come back and bite you, again and again.
Since my boyfriend died on 1st February I’ve received fantastic support from my friends and my daughter. My Mum has shown herself to be totally useless once again, and I have accepted this is her character.

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It is normal to grieve for a long time even for the rest of your life. Before j lost my mum nearly 8 years ago I had no idea that grief is long term. It’s true it can come in waves good and bad days which I have
It does get easier with time

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Sorry to hear about your losses but happy to hear your getting the support and help also :heart:

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Karl there is no time limits in grieving a lost dad nearly 4 years ago and finding it tougher now than did at the start some people cope better than others we are all different and theres no right ir wrong way with how we cope every day is a battle some harder than others

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Sorry to hear of your loss. keep being strong :muscle:t3:

A try to be strong been on sertaline for almost 4 years started on 50 mg now on 200mg takes some of strain of my mad thinking but not been the same since dad died if never had wife and wee daughter a dont know where would be prob wouldn’t be here

Yes it is normal to grief this long
I lost my mum 8 years ago and it’s only recently I have made a positive conscious decision not to let my grief control like it’s been doing. When I do grief I know I’m leaving hurt me way to much it’s time I lived my life that I know my mum would want me to. Shed tell me of if she was here. What I wouldn’t give for my mum to tell me of. I can hear her voice.
Remember grief is a journey with no end point. It’s when you feel you’re ready to take control of your life and maybe find some comfort in your loss and maybe some happiness. I found happiness in my party’s beautiful granddaughter she brings so much joy in my life. I’m so blessed

I also lost my mum when I was 21 years old. Then my dad passed away 4 years later very unexpectedly.

I have had my ups and downs, but Since becoming a mum 2.5 years ago I am struggling massively too. I can’t cope with the feeling that they will never meet my little girl and they are missing this chapter as they would have been such amazing grandparent’s!

It’s so sad… I really want another baby for my family but don’t think I am mentally prepared to go through all those feelings again.

Not sure if this will help you, but I understand your pain.
Hope you feel better soon