Hello. This is my first post. For the past ltwo years, my ex-husband and I have been working on reconciling. His mother passed away in February 2025. They were extremely close. Since her death, my ex-husband asked me to move into her house with him. I agreed. However, I have only been able to bring my clothes and a few other personal items. I am unable to move any of my household goods in. He won’t allow me to redecorate, re-arrange, etc. Even suggesting the house reflect us and our style sets him off. It seems as though he wants to keep the house his mother left him exactly the way it was while she was alive. I know I probably sound insensitive and selfish, but how am I supposed to feel “comfortable” and “at home” if I’m not able to treat this house as if it were my own? Am I expecting too much too soon? Is it reasonable to expect him to wholeheartedly share his living space with me, especially since he asked me to move in with him? Or, should I keep quiet about it and let some more time pass?
If I was you I d ask myself if I really want to reconcile with my husband or not When someone dies you don’t know how long it will take you to grieve and be able to dispose of their property etc Everybody is different
I can understand you are keen to start a new.life He wants your support during this time of grief Why did you move in without all your property ? Do you still have your previous accommodation Why don’t you live there until he is ready to make the necessary adjustments
Unfortunately you don’t know how long It will take for him to grieve and be able to move on
You are not being unreasonable at all but neither is he It’s just life Either practice patience or let the relationship go
your choice
I hope you find a solution
i wouldnt be moving in with him bottomline. if he wants you to move in he should be willing to compromise regardless.
I think the only person who can judge what an "acceptable " time frame is the griever themselves, because everyones grief is so unique. What may appear to be a long time to you may feel like the briefest of moments to your ex husband. Time passes at a totally different rate when you are deep in grief! Clearly this issue is a trigger for him right now, so if you insist that things are put away then you risk alienating him. It took me around 12 months before i could sort through anything, but for others it can be years. At some point maybe he will feel more able to have a discussion about some sort of compromise, but if hes reacting right now then that sounds like a possible fight or flight reaction where any thought of changing things is just too overwhelming.